Contact with children when they’re with co-parent?

[Parmaviolet1719]

Hi everyone. I separated from my husband in March (he was unfaithful) and he moved out in April. We share contact of our kids 50/50 (we have two girls aged 3 and 6). We had an informal agreement this whole time to have a goodnight FaceTime at 7pm when the kids are with the other parent. This agreement was made more official in our first mediation session last month. Last week, I FaceTimed the kids the night before they came home to me. Immediately afterwards, I received a text from my ex essentially saying that was the last time I’d be getting a call from them at his home, and he wouldn’t reply if I had anything to say about it.
I’m just wondering if other people have contact with their kids when they are with the co-parent? Or is it normal to not speak to them at all. They’ve been away from me for 72 hours now with no contact. They’re so young and my little 3 year old has a disability and additional needs, and is very attached to me. I’m going to bring this up in our forthcoming mediation session, but I’m concerned that perhaps it’s normal to have no contact and therefore I’ll have no luck getting the calls reinstated.

thank you

I'd more worried about him arbitrarily stopping this just after it's been agreed in mediation ....

I think it would really depends on what the children want and need. They are still very young to be away from Mummy with absolutely no contact in between. What pattern of contract do you have, are they with you for a week and then their Dad for a week? Could you move towards shorter times between changeovers, maybe just 3 days at a time with a video call on the middle day? How are your children finding it in general, have they adjusted well to shared care, any separation anxiety etc? It is hard for little ones, my youngest has found things the hardest.

My three children are aged 6 through to 13 and they get fed up with forced phonecalls with their Dad. They live with me and stay with their Dad EOW. He wanted facetime calls every night in the week but it was so disruptive when they were at activities, doing homework, during dinner time or just before bedtime. In the school holidays he started ringing 3 times a day, it was certainly for his benefit not theirs.

At mediation we settled on videocalls 2 nights a week, then he sees them for dinner midweek once and then a call on the weekend that they are with me. The children often don't want to video call or can think of very little to say but I try to get them to chat with him. They know that if they ever want to ring their Dad at any other time, want to tell him about something at school, say goodnight etc they can but it is very rare that they ask to. My oldest has his own phone so he and his Dad sometimes message/call each other although their relationship is rocky and son often refuses to answer his calls or blocks his number.

My DH doesn't have contact with his 10 year old son when he is with his mum but that is because the mum won't allow it. When he is here, he has his own phone with his mums number on and can contact her whenever he wants.

I separated from my daughters dad when she was very young. We send each other photographs with little updates daily, always have done and will do for some years yet as she’s still young.

FaceTimes have been occasional and only really used when one of us has taken her on holiday.

We are effectively 50/50 but split within the week so we each get a weekend day and the normal day to days of parenting on a week day too. Week on/week off is not something that would have worked for our daughter.

We have free flow contact for children at all times, to speak/see the other parent if they want. Children are 12 & 15y and have their own phones, when we split up they were 5y and 8y. My 5y old had his own iPod and could FaceTime me if needed and my daughter had free flow contact. I allowed it, Ex allowed it. Now my children are older, they both say how important it was that they could call me/see me anytime as they got upset and panicked and desperately missed me when at their dads. Due to their age, we agreed 60:40 in my favour and this was best for the children. Now it is free flow (from when my youngest reached 10y) they spend most of their time with me.

They said the hardest times at their dads, was when their dad tried denying them speaking to me when they just wanted their mum. Your mum is your mum. When they spoke to me, they said they missed me, but felt better/reassured I was there even if not in sight.

OP what kind of relationship was it? Does he have form for making unilateral decisions and you just having to go along with it. Long term that will make coparenting difficult. Especially when you are sticking to agreements and he is changing them. You are likely getting a glimpse of how things will be.

If you were the primary parent before separation then it could be upsetting the children once a phone call is over. However this mightn’t be the case as you are doing 50:50 now so perhaps were doing it prior to separation.

Can I block my sons Dad on his phone and allow contact to be child led?

I'm looking for some advise around contact between my ex and my 10 year old son.
I've been split from my sons father around 6 months, there is currently a non molestation in place to stop him contacting me. He also is currently not seeing our child due to addiction and mental health concerns and some instances that have happened in his care. He has never been a hands on dad, his kids (with other mums) are like possessions, he doesn't do anything with them, doesn't get involved with parenting but will insist on having them because he can.

Since the non molestation he's constantly ringing my sons phone, my son ignores him a lot but sometimes he's happy to talk with him. I'm considering blocking my ex from ringing my sons phone, maybe with the exception of 1 or 2 days a week (maybe arrange a set call time) but my son would be able to call his dad whenever he wants. My ex has put me through years of abuse and now with the non mol I'm trying to move on from that abuse but it's hard when he's constantly ringing my son. I had considered contacting mediation to arrange this but in all honesty I don't want to, I'm hoping my ex will just give up and eventually leave us alone. It's typical of our marriage, it's down to me to sort these things out. If he's really serious about having a relationship with his son he can go ahead and contact mediation himself.
Any advise please on what exactly I'm aloud to do around contact?
Thanks

My kiddos mom was upset with me. I was off they were working two days in a row. I asked for them a night early said no. Then my kiddos friends wanted to go for one last hoorah before school started to the zoo mom said no. Then asked to take them for an hour mom said no told me to stop bothering her on days with the kiddos, even though not with them. If it's in an agreement to be able to video chat in the evening don't see an issue.

Don't want to hijack the thread but it sounds like your schedule is what I'm hoping to implement in the next few weeks. Do you have set weekdays each and then split the weekends? Thanks for any info you're happy to share (Feel free to DM if easier).