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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

He filmed me...what is going on?

30 replies

Havingabadday2 · 26/07/2023 22:03

Getting divorced. Still in the same house. He has ignored me for over a year. Court process ongoing.

We have a timetable for who has the kids when, but it's been fine to give them a quick hug and say hi or bye if the other person is looking after them.

Today I came home from work. One DC was asleep already. He was getting the other ready for bed, but had popped out of the room, so I popped in to give her a very quick hug and say goodnight. Before I managed to, he had his phone out and was filming me and repeatedly saying "I need you to leave me alone". This was in front of DC who is 6. I left immediately, but am really upset.

There is a lot of backstory of him being emotionally abusive, but what is going on here? Is he going to use the video for something? Can he really behave like this in front of the kids? I feel so upset and confused. I just want to understand what is going on.

Just looking for any support/advice really.

OP posts:
continentallentil · 26/07/2023 22:10

No he is just behaving like a bullying lunati - to both you and our daughter. Any use of the video would put him in a very bad light.

Make a list of any behaviour like this with dates.

Trying to understand a man like this is pointless. He a A Twat.

You might find the Freedom Programne useful to help you further process what a twat he is. You could also talk to your GP about counselling support. This must be a real strain for you.

How long is this going to take till you can properly separate OP.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 26/07/2023 22:12

That video will only make people doubt his mh and child caring capabilities imo.

Original poster
Havingabadday2 · 26/07/2023 22:14

The final hearing on the financials is in August, so nearly there.

OP posts:
kweeble · 26/07/2023 22:20

He will make himself look unhinged if he shares that video!
I hope you can be free of him soon

rwalker · 26/07/2023 22:23

No idea and no point guessing just look forward to august

villamariavintrapp · 26/07/2023 22:25

I bet he was hoping that you'd react badly to being filmed, then he could show everyone how 'crazy' you are, esp in front of his kids.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 26/07/2023 22:28

Weird. Just ignore it and don't give him anything to use against you. He's probably goading for a reaction.

continentallentil · 26/07/2023 22:31

Good to hear it’s soon.

It will get so much better soon.

continentallentil · 26/07/2023 22:31

villamariavintrapp · 26/07/2023 22:25

I bet he was hoping that you'd react badly to being filmed, then he could show everyone how 'crazy' you are, esp in front of his kids.

Of course he was, yes.

Do write it all down OP.

primoseyellow · 26/07/2023 22:32

I would be extremely careful around someone like this, he is obviously filming for some reason. He wants to start sowing the seed for something, custody?

Don't react and make a note of it, tell your solicitor.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/07/2023 22:35

I would write down and date a record of exactly what happened tonight in a diary. Then if you ARE asked about this in court you can show your diary as evidence

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 22:36

I agree with the pp. I would be very, very wary. This is totally unhinged behaviour, and the fuckwit is up to something. He's trying to frame you in a bad light, and it reeks of desperation. Keep your head on a swivel and don't allow him to get any reaction from you.

OhForChrustsSake · 26/07/2023 22:37

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 26/07/2023 22:28

Weird. Just ignore it and don't give him anything to use against you. He's probably goading for a reaction.

This isn't weird, it's a somewhat unhinged man. Under no circumstances is this safe, especially with children in the mix. Glad you're getting away from this horror.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 26/07/2023 22:45

Bloody hell.

I grew up in a house like this, where my dad was contesting the divorce, and my parents walked round ignoring each other for 2 years (ended in violence but that's beside the point). It was hell. And you're saying you have to ignore your young children hen it's his turn to have them?

This is one of the worst things I've ever read on here if I've got that right. I'm sorry for you but sorrier for your children.

JibbaJab · 27/07/2023 09:09

The only thing I can draw from this considering you have said there has been emotional and you are in court proceedings, is that he is trying to set you up in order to obtain something and make you look bad and him a victim in some way?

I have recorded an event in order to have proof of how things happened but it wasn't a setup it was just covering my back just in case. Good job I did because it was used against me and everything got fabricated by the other party but I have proof it never happened at all.

However, in your own home and in front of your child seems more calculated to me, that's not okay. There's some motive there and I would say it's to make you look the bad one, expecting a reaction or response on camera. Don't rise to it, walk away like you have and it will render it useless.

I would seek legal advice on that, considering you are already going through courts. That to me is more games of someone not the full ticket, with motive for an outcome planning on advance.

Is there anything related to the children in all of this by chance because that jumps to my mind, as in the possibility of courts with that side?

Jas683 · 27/07/2023 09:13

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 26/07/2023 22:28

Weird. Just ignore it and don't give him anything to use against you. He's probably goading for a reaction.

I agree, don't react as much as that might be near impossible.

Stick with the situation and it will come right, you just have to remain patient.

Take care.

Sherrycat · 27/07/2023 09:35

I can’t get my head around this. I’ve tried typing a post about 3 times, but I’m baffled with the whole situation. They’re your kids as well as his. Why do you have to stay away from them when he’s about it? What’s all this “his time with them”. Is this something the solicitors have told you both to do? That’s not a dig by the way, I’m just honestly baffled. It sounds like the video recording is him trying to show someone you’re encroaching on his time with them maybe? I feel so sorry for you & kids.

TheSandgroper · 29/07/2023 03:41

Can you look at your wifi router and see if there are any devices in there you don’t recognise? He doesn’t sound trustworthy at all so a bit of quiet poking around might be worthwhile.

MoustacheTwirler · 29/07/2023 04:18

Poor you op, this sounds like a horrendous situation and the sooner your divorce is resolved the better for both you and the children. I agree with others and he is up to something and trying to portray you in a bad light but anyone seeing a video of what you have described will see he is off his rocker. Keep calm and play the long game. Big hug x

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 29/07/2023 04:27

It does sound like he is trying to goad you into a reaction. Has he tried to set you off recently? I don’t know if there is any way to check for cameras around your house. I would try to be out the house as much as possible with and without the kids as much as possible until it’s all over. Unfortunately you will need to assume you are being filmed at all times.

mathanxiety · 29/07/2023 04:41

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 26/07/2023 22:45

Bloody hell.

I grew up in a house like this, where my dad was contesting the divorce, and my parents walked round ignoring each other for 2 years (ended in violence but that's beside the point). It was hell. And you're saying you have to ignore your young children hen it's his turn to have them?

This is one of the worst things I've ever read on here if I've got that right. I'm sorry for you but sorrier for your children.

THIS.

Is there absolutely no other way to handle this situation other than the two if you living together and forcing the children to live in this poisoned atmosphere?

There is absolutely no alternative???

mathanxiety · 29/07/2023 04:45

OhForChrustsSake · 26/07/2023 22:37

This isn't weird, it's a somewhat unhinged man. Under no circumstances is this safe, especially with children in the mix. Glad you're getting away from this horror.

Show quote history

She is never going to get away from the horrors this man will visit upon her as long as the children are obliged to have contact with him.

Original poster
Havingabadday2 · 29/07/2023 07:05

mathanxiety · 29/07/2023 04:41

THIS.

Is there absolutely no other way to handle this situation other than the two if you living together and forcing the children to live in this poisoned atmosphere?

There is absolutely no alternative???

Show quote history

I desperately want the kids to not be in this situation.The final hearing on the financials is coming up in August, after that I should be able to move out, so I intend to do that. I would have moved our sooner if I could have. I got advice on getting an occupation order but was told basically it wasn’t bad enough (I feel quite let down by that to be honest).

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 29/07/2023 07:10

He is collecting 'evidence' of you 'abusing' him to use in court at a later date. Probably to get custody of the DC.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 29/07/2023 12:54

Ok, am I missing something folks, isn’t it illegal for him to record OP in her own home without her consent ?
not saying that she should escalate by going to police, certainly do what others say by recording everything and checking for other hidden cameras (in which case that is a police matter). Don’t engage with him if he has phone, and frankly I’d stop with the interaction with kids on “his” time unless they come to you . In which case record in writing what child said and why you responded.

but it’s worth knowing your rights re law, so that you can, when he doesn’t have phone on him, state that he is acting illegally under (act ) if it is the case.

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