Meeting ex-DH new girlfriend. Any advice?

[Whatalotofbollox]

Ex-DH, as is his style, dropped it on me with very little notice that he would be introducing our DS (11) and DD (7) to his new girlfriend in a week. And introducing them to her kids (which I assume he's not met, but I really don't know come to think of it).

He was a little surprised when I said I expected to meet her before the kids did. I know not everyone gets to do this / wants to do this but I would meet a teacher so I would also like to make another carer in their lives. She's happy to meet. He's chosen not to come.

I will be kind towards her and have no interest in saying anything negative.

It's hard, tho, isn't it? To deal with this swarm of angsty feelings inside.

I probably suffer with being too nice, rather than the opposite.

Can anyone share how they dealt with this situation? What worked / didn't work?

And I guess, DOES IT GET EASIER?

I did think twice about posting it as it sounds weird, I get that.

It's what my friends say about me. I guess what they are actually saying to me is, know your boundaries.

Also - I'm not suggesting this is a positive. I am working on being more sassy and generally more boundaried.

About a year, I think. But this is the first time he's mentioned it.

Why do you want to meet her?

If it is just so you can put a face to the name your children will be talking about all the time then say that.

If it is for any other reason then you shouldn't meet her.

What are you hoping to get out of the meeting?

I'm meeting her as my children's Mum. Not as anything else.

Would you be alright with him meeting your new boyfriend?

Yeah, I don't know. I think it's reasonable that he should act decently? Everyone expects me to.

Okay, Espanaes81. I'm definitely finding you hard work.

I can't be bothered to interact with you actually.

Huh?

Not meeting her except in passing e.g. when there is a handover of the kids is more normal.

That way you can say child related stuff e.g. "I hope [name of child] behaved today as s/he was a little grumpy yesterday. "

Did you get out of bed on the wrong side today @Espanaes81

This is not the first thread of the day I've seen you be an arse on.

You are replying to annoymous people on the internet.

The fact you are upset with someone suggesting that you aren't doing something for the best reasons so are hard work indicates more than you think.

BTW would you be happy with your ex-husband meeting your new boyfriend?

Considering your new boyfriend would be a bigger risk to your joint children then his new girlfriend.

Why exactly are you meeting her? You might get better advice if you clear that point up.

Sorry but I think it’s very weird of you to insist on meeting her before she meets the kids. And you make it sound like you are completely entitled to do so. Why? It’s down to your husband who he introduces them to and if they’ve been together a year already he’s obviously being considerate in terms of waiting and not introducing them to a brand new partner.

op just go and meet her, it's a good thing for the future if she is going to be in ur kids lives and ur kids will talk about her kids at some point. it's good to just be civil about it all. she sounds pretty nice and she is prob a bit nervous too and my guess is she is just trying to be an adult and get thru life, without having the stress of worrying about an ex who's kids she's going to be involved with. she sounds alright and it's actually a change from all the stories on here about jealous ex's/crazy stepmothers etc.
what a good thing for ur kids looking ahead if u are all respectful of each other. hope it all goes well x