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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can my ex force me sell our house

48 replies

LucyLoo84 · 19/07/2023 18:32

Hi everyone,
I’m new to this and my friend recommended that I got some advice on here. I have two young children with my ex husband and I currently remain in the family home with my children whilst he rents not far away. We’re almost at the end of the divorce process but are stumped because we cannot agreement on the financial settlement.
We originally agreed for me to stay in the house for a few years but he’s now backtracked and is wanting me to sell the house for next year. We have a joint mortgage and since he left, I have been paying the full mortgage.
My biggest concerns are the boys moving schools if we were to move out of the catchment area. It’s unlikely that I will be able to afford any properties on my own in our current catchment area. The same goes for him. We already have one child at the infant school and then my youngest starts school next year. I’ve proposed that I remain in the family home until after we secure their places at the junior school. I am doing my utmost to ensure that any changes we make cause as little disruption as possible. I appreciate that paying rent isn’t ideal but surely good parents make sacrifices for their children so that they have stability? The biggest thing I can’t work out is how selling this house is going to make him financially better off? That’s his issue and this is what he has put forward to me. His mortgage will most probably be higher that his rent surely (especially with the interests rates as high as they are). Plus once we settle, his share of the equity in the house will not be enough for a deposit because he’ll have to pay off his credit card debts. He will have around £10k left. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

So my question to you is, how much consideration does a court give when it comes to having a child’s school place jeopardised? How likely is he to win if he’s claiming he can’t afford to live (it’ll be worse if he gets a mortgage). Has anyone had a similar experience? My children are happy and secure given the circumstances and I really don’t want them having to start all over again. It’s a shame he cannot make them his priority.

All thoughts/opinions/advice would be really appreciated.

Thank you.

OP posts:
MoggyP · 19/07/2023 18:36

I don't think there will be any consideration given at all.

Lots of DC move schools - it's not a rare nor a traumatic event,. One of yours hasn't even started school yet.

They can find stability in their new schools. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but I think it's what you need to face.

BarbedButterfly · 19/07/2023 18:39

In my experience you will have to sell, but get legal advice.

BillaBongGirl · 19/07/2023 18:41

I agree, children move schools all the time. It won’t be considered at all.

As far as I know, either spouse can force the sale of the family home during divorce. I think you should look into how you might be able to buy him out and port the mortgage to your sole name if you seriously want to keep this house.

Loverofoxbowlakes · 19/07/2023 18:47

You will be expected to get work (if you aren't already working ft or heading towards that), if you cannot afford to buy him out then yes, a court can force the sale. As long as the children are adequately housed it doesn't matter if its rented or mortgaged. And yeah, kids might have to move schools.
I wish someone had been as blunt with me at the start of my divorce. Cost me thousands listening to way too optimistic advice from friends and family, as well as one or two professionals. Courts don't like agreements that tie divorced people together, and would much prefer clean break orders.

MintJulia · 19/07/2023 18:49

It's reasonable for him to want to sell. While he has a shared mortgage with you, he likely cannot get another mortgage and move on with his life.

A clean break is a good idea for you too. Can you increase your hours and cover the mortgage on your own?

AdamRyan · 19/07/2023 18:50

The equity in the house belongs to him. So YABU expecting him to leave it there, especially if he has debts he is servicing. The interest rates will be causing him issues on those.

You have to find a way to make it fair for both of you, him renting and paying interest on debts while you stay in the family home isnt fair.

Have you had mediation? When you put all the assets/debts in the pot together there might be a fair way through it ypu haven't seen yet.

But yes, ultimately divorce means you'll both be worse off.

onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 19/07/2023 19:28

With the backlog in the courts it could take months for him to go through the court to get an order for sale and then there is the process of marketing, viewings going through a chain and completing....just because a court forces a sale doesn't mean it's sold there and then. You've got a year until your youngest gets a place? So call his bluff.

That's what my solicitor said when I asked if ex could force a sale - he said even if he did put the wheels in motion via court it wouldn't be that much quicker than the 12-18 months I was offering to pay him his share anyway

gogomoto · 19/07/2023 19:40

Unless you can buy him out eg offsetting pensions then the norm is to sell.

The exception would be if you had older children already on gcse or a level courses - delaying the sale is more likely to be court ordered. You have young children and it's not fair on him not to get his settlement

mickybarrysmum · 19/07/2023 19:46

For now can you both do alternating weeks in the house then the rental so the kids can remain in the house year round. Splitting the costs somehow.

Weedoormatnomore · 19/07/2023 20:07

Could you buy him out of the house be getting a loan changing mortgage to interest only. My friend is going through it now. If ex had offered a fraction of the equity they would have taken it at the time and left them the house, but after spending lots on solicitors for divorce, parental agreement and now financial agreement they want everything they can get !

Original poster
LucyLoo84 · 19/07/2023 20:13

Thank you for all of your comments everyone (even if it’s not what I want to hear-I appreciate your honesty).

I’m just surprised as I’ve read that the courts will look at the best interests of the children and school life is a massive part of that. I’m not asking for a huge amount of time in the grand scheme of things. It’s just surprising that their school places aren’t a priority of my ex’s.

We’ve done mediation and we put an agreement in place that I’d remain in the family home for a few years. It’s since then that he’s gone back on his word.

Unfortunately I’m not in a position to buy him out. On paper I can’t afford this mortgage but I’ve been meeting those mortgage repayments fine every month. So frustrating. I’m going back to work full time next year (once my youngest starts school-it’s not worth my while right now as all the extra money I earn would go towards childcare fees) so even with maximising my income, I’m still unable to buy him out.

The really frustrating thing is that he’ll use his debts as an excuse for pleading poverty but his debts are due to heavy gambling, irresponsible spending and drinking. His boys now have to suffer because of this. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I’m just praying the process takes a while to bide me some time…..

Thanks again everyone, I do appreciate you taking time to comment x

OP posts:
NotBotheredAnymore · 19/07/2023 20:15

Just a reminder. All assets AND debts are considered joint until a judge decrees otherwise. His credit card debt will be half yours. Get your financial settlement sorted asap as it sounds as though you are in a precarious position.

Children move schools all the time. The younger they are the less likely they have strong friendship groups. Now is the best time to uproot them.

Original poster
LucyLoo84 · 19/07/2023 20:26

I appreciate your reminder but at mediation and during discussions with my solicitor, his credit card statements will show that his spendings are on himself and nothing towards the family (personal debt). He will be liable for that not me. Plus his credit cards are in his name only. This was something I was hugely concerned about and was given the reassurance that it won’t affect me. What are other peoples experiences on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyLoo84 · 19/07/2023 20:28

Thank you-I’ll look into this :)

OP posts:
Parkandpicnic · 19/07/2023 20:29

I can understand it’s a really difficult time but selling up or buying him out if that is what he would prefer is the most fair solution. You can’t expect him to continue to have all the insecurity and expense of renting. £10000 would be provide him with a 5% deposit to enable him to get back on the ladder in many parts of the country and would also clear his credit card debt.
I was a single mother previously and most of the childcare costs are paid via university credit, have a look at the entitled.com. Most separated couples I know have sold and used any equity to each put a deposit down on a smaller property

JJ8765 · 19/07/2023 20:39

How much equity is in the property. If it’s not much you might have a better chance. You need to be able to take over the mortgage though so he’s freed up to buy. Perhaps speak to a broker or could a family member act as guarantor on the mortgage? If it’s a sizeable deposit for him then it’s understandable he wants his money out. If you can’t take over the mortgage then I don’t think it’s likely as he would be trapped renting. Maybe ask mortgage broker if going back to work sooner would help even if you aren’t better off month to month it might be better security for the mortgage co if you are in fulltime work.

NotBotheredAnymore · 19/07/2023 20:39

I hope what you are saying is true. I've been told that in marriage his debts are his, however in divorce they are joint.

My DH has a cc in his name, I have no access to see the statements etc but told it will be listed on the financial statement with all assets like pensions. It all goes into the one pot to be divided. Happy to be proved wrong, trust me on that!!

Upsizer · 19/07/2023 20:51

In my experience all debts accrued during the marriage by either party are considered joint.

Original poster
LucyLoo84 · 19/07/2023 21:16

JJ8765 - we have just over £80k in equity and have agreed a 60/40 split in my favour. He has a debt of just over £20k so after all the fees he’s not going to be left with much at all. I would understand if he was relying on the equity to give him a good deposit but it doesn’t. That’s why I can’t make sense of him pushing for this at the expense of jeopardising our children’s school places.

I’ve spoken to my mortgage advisor and going back full time now won’t help my case financially because I’ll have to declare the amount I pay towards nursery fees. My childcare costs for next year will be less as it’s only breakfast/after school clubs I’ll have to pay for.

To be honest this all just gives me one big headache (literally).

Thank you for your help.

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 19/07/2023 21:20

Isn't there sometimes something in place that the house remains as is until the youngest child turns 18?
I know that's what happened to my next door neighbours when I was growing up but that was some time ago.
Definitely get legal advice.
Especially given that he's been known to change his mind before you can't rely on the 60/40 split agreed!

millymollymoomoo · 19/07/2023 21:36

Unlikely to get a mesher if children are not even at school yet and his ability to raise a mortgage is significantly impacted for years ( decades)

Mari9999 · 19/07/2023 22:18

@LucyLoo84
Even if all of your extra income would go to child care fees, you would be contributing to your pension plan and enhancing the possibility of mobility on the job. Sometimes in making a life plan it is good to go for the long game rather than short term benefit.as that usually comes with an opportunity cost

ZAK3 · 20/07/2023 01:52

LucyLoo84 · 19/07/2023 21:16

JJ8765 - we have just over £80k in equity and have agreed a 60/40 split in my favour. He has a debt of just over £20k so after all the fees he’s not going to be left with much at all. I would understand if he was relying on the equity to give him a good deposit but it doesn’t. That’s why I can’t make sense of him pushing for this at the expense of jeopardising our children’s school places.

I’ve spoken to my mortgage advisor and going back full time now won’t help my case financially because I’ll have to declare the amount I pay towards nursery fees. My childcare costs for next year will be less as it’s only breakfast/after school clubs I’ll have to pay for.

To be honest this all just gives me one big headache (literally).

Thank you for your help.

Hey I'm in a very similar position on both parts, posted last year & also got some very negative replies , people seem adamant the property always has to be sold but that's not always the case

firstly he will have to obviously take you to court to force a sale, all the legal advice I got was similar in terms of court fees being around £15 k each so can he even afford to do that? With equity of only £80k they wouldn't claw the legal fees back from sale of the house so he would have to have the money to pay upfront

I also don't believe this bullshit of courts don't care about the upheaval to the children's lives if that was to happen, every legal thing you read states the children's best interests are a priority!

I believe it's a grey area of what's considered marital debt , you certainly will not be liable for any debts in his name , also court would take into account what that money was spent on, the only thing which might affect it is what's left in the pot to be shared out, which is what I'm also worried about!

I feel your pain it's absolutely mentally draining xxxx

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 05:15

He has a debt of just over £20k so after all the fees he’s not going to be left with much at all. I would understand if he was relying on the equity to give him a good deposit but it doesn’t.

£20k debt isn’t much debt, so he would not have to use the home equity to pay it off before using it as a deposit either to buy or rent a home. I would not assume that his priority is paying off debts when he needs to secure a roof over his head.

In addition, usually the courts view debt as joint, not sole even if it’s only in his name. It depends what he spent the money on to get the debt. If it’s general things that you benefitted from, he’s going to get more equity or keep more of his pension to balance out the debt.

No ones mentioned this, but the value of your pensions and splitting that may be more than the home equity.

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 05:17

Isn't there sometimes something in place that the house remains as is until the youngest child turns 18?

That has to be mutually agreed on as part of the divorce settlement. There’s no law requiring it.

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