Can my ex force me sell our house

[LucyLoo84]

Hi everyone,
I’m new to this and my friend recommended that I got some advice on here. I have two young children with my ex husband and I currently remain in the family home with my children whilst he rents not far away. We’re almost at the end of the divorce process but are stumped because we cannot agreement on the financial settlement.
We originally agreed for me to stay in the house for a few years but he’s now backtracked and is wanting me to sell the house for next year. We have a joint mortgage and since he left, I have been paying the full mortgage.
My biggest concerns are the boys moving schools if we were to move out of the catchment area. It’s unlikely that I will be able to afford any properties on my own in our current catchment area. The same goes for him. We already have one child at the infant school and then my youngest starts school next year. I’ve proposed that I remain in the family home until after we secure their places at the junior school. I am doing my utmost to ensure that any changes we make cause as little disruption as possible. I appreciate that paying rent isn’t ideal but surely good parents make sacrifices for their children so that they have stability? The biggest thing I can’t work out is how selling this house is going to make him financially better off? That’s his issue and this is what he has put forward to me. His mortgage will most probably be higher that his rent surely (especially with the interests rates as high as they are). Plus once we settle, his share of the equity in the house will not be enough for a deposit because he’ll have to pay off his credit card debts. He will have around £10k left. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

So my question to you is, how much consideration does a court give when it comes to having a child’s school place jeopardised? How likely is he to win if he’s claiming he can’t afford to live (it’ll be worse if he gets a mortgage). Has anyone had a similar experience? My children are happy and secure given the circumstances and I really don’t want them having to start all over again. It’s a shame he cannot make them his priority.

All thoughts/opinions/advice would be really appreciated.

Thank you.

I wouldn't want to stay in the house. The debts he has if they come to collect they will come to your house anyhow for the money. Being in both your names they can take anything from the house. His credit card debt dont fool yourself being in his name doesn't matter he can easily say its yours and the kids also and a judge could make you pay half of it. Also he may not even going to be paying his credit card with his share so basically he wants his money and it's best to get rid of the house unfortunately. The plus side is your tie to him financially will be cut.The children's schooling etc at the ages they are isn't a huge consideration your not moving miles away etc. Mediation is a waste of time and doesn't mean anything legally.

It's hard OP, but on balance it sounds like selling is the only way ahead.

I've been in a similar situation - my divorce has taken many years but it looks like I may be able to retain the house by paying him a lump sum. With great difficulty I can probably do this, sticks in my throat as he hasn't provided for his children for years but where I am the housing market is so inflated, holding onto the house is important.

As your DC are so young, selling & relocating seems best. If you move, are you in a position to get a mortgage when you return to work?

If no, you need to think about a long term plan as renting in the longer term is a vulnerable situation (tho I understand that in parts of the UK, rent is more stable than it is, for example, in Ireland, where I am).

You will simply not be able to use continuity of education as an argument for a child who has not yet even started school

Expecting to hang on until both are in juniors (3-4? years away) is not going to be seen as reasonable. Because lots of DC move schools, and one move (arguably the sooner the better) is really not going to make any difference whatsoever.

If he is on the mortgage and wants half then surely he should be paying half the mortgage?

Then OP should also be paying half his rent......

Unless there's a huge discrepancy between the respective costs, it won't make much of a difference to each household budget.

The legal queen on Instagram is very good for advice on this kind of thing

I think the court will want you to sell.

Thing is he will be much better off financiall6y, he can clear his debts £20k better off, and then have £10k left, that's rent paid for a good while. Even if he doesn't want to get back on the ladder it clears his debts and gives him more financial freedom.

It doesn't make any sense for you as you lose out. But you really don't want to be tied to him for a period of time.

Both of you are entitled to your share of the money. This may mean you also need to rent instead of buy again. If he can rent in the area I imagine you could too? Then school places wouldn't need to change.

It's not ideal, but it's the way divorce works unfortunately.

With headlines re house prices likely to fall, what are you to gain by putting off a sale and potentially diminishing the equity? I'm not sure I'd be delaying for that reason alone currently.

It's hard to plough ahead with unwanted life changes I know, it sucks, but it is better to be pragmatic.

Re your comments re your ex's rent vs mortgage. Try to put that from your mind. Work on seeing yourselves as independent and trying to forge your own independence.

From personal experience (boyfriend has an ex who has dragged things out for near on 3 years now and he is taking her to court to force a sale) I would really avoid dragging things out and not being cooperative. Imo the longer things go on, the more entrenched and hostile both parties get. Dragging things out can also lead to massive resentment from your ex which would make coparenting way more difficult. My boyfriend won't even talk to his ex now. Imo such a situation inevitably ends up hurting the children as it creates a toxic mix where both parents end up hating each other, so it doesn't end up being about the best interests of the children at all.

Also re other posters re court fees costing 20-30k so him being unlikely to take you to court, you have to look at things from the other side's point of view. If someone has an obstructive ex who won't sell and the other side will get more than 40k as a result of court order for house sale - the other side will be willing to spend 20k to get their 40k most likely, as 20k is better than 0 and being in a position where they can't get a mortgage and someone else is still holding control over their life when they want to move on...

Like someone else said, what about pensions, have you had them valued? You are entitled to 50% of his pension and vice versa most likely.

60 40 split sounds reasonable, but how much do you need to rehouse to suitable accommodation locally? It might be worth pushing to 65% in your favour if it means you can rehouse locally. He may be more generous to get a deal done.

I’m assuming he’s accruing interest on the 20k CC debt though, so making him wait 3-4 years to clear it, will cost him money. If you decide you want to stay in the house though, it’s entirely possible the judge will give him more equity to account for this or apportion a share of the debt to you to keep his costs down - this is especially true if he’s struggling to house / feed himself and make the minimum payments. Think carefully about if you really want to push this in court.

Another one who echoes what @Tosca23 and @IceCreamQueen86 have said.

Friend dragged her heels for years even though all of us said we’d help get her on her feet with getting settled in a new property and helping with the kids. She wouldn’t agree with her ex who was living far below the standard he had enjoyed in the marital home to the point that he spent less time with the kids. Seeing the children’s relationship with the father fall apart but still dragging her feet she ended up with a toxic co-parenting relationship and he kept all his pension in the 50/50 split because he was seen generous by the court in giving her over 3 years before the matter got in front of a judge. I tried to remain friends but came to see her as greedy and so did the others in our circle. I am not saying you are greedy but you were both equal partners in your marriage, you shouldn’t make a former partner pay your way of living in your circumstances because you’d prefer the status quo to remain. Settling into a new school may be a fresh start. Having parents go their separate ways and losing the family unit would be far harder for your kids than moving into a new home. Think of the long run and try and remain on good terms with your ex.

Testing

OP, I'm surprised you were told this as most courts consider debts run up whilst still married, even if all run up by one partner all on themselves, are joint debts. If you end up in court they will likely be considered joint debts by a judge. Pensions are considered joint also. If you have been working part-time whilst children small you won't have been making much pension contributions. Your S2BXH will likely have much higher pension provision. Both pensions should be thrown into the melting pot and shared equally. You might be able to trade this pension value against equity in the house.

Have you both disclosed all pensions? Did you agree to split those too or does he have one that you agreed not to touch.

If he has one and you were leaving it as his and being kind now is the time to go for your share.

Did you speak to a mortgage broker? Some banks will use universal credit. They will also ignore debts with less than 6 months to run. So if he will hang on can you get yourself in a position to buy him out in April/may next year? It’s probably quicker then him going through the court process

Could anyone help you buy him out? I was very fortunate that my parents were able to help with the lump sum needed.

I’ve since got some advice from my solicitor and she stated that the courts won’t consider his debts as a priority. The courts priority is to secure suitable accommodation for the children.

Have you got any update on your situation?

I'm in a similar situation but my ex bought another house pretty much straigh after leaving our joint home and now he's threatening to take me to court to sell our house where me and our 5yr old live. I've paid the mortgage since he left.

I was told I could afford the mortgage on my own a few months ago (buy out amount from a family member) and went to do application last week and now the amount I can borrow has dropped and I can't afford it.

Broker said to check again next month as the rates are really affecting borrowing amounts. My ex has flipped.

Hi jasper333

i’m so sorry to hear this. It’s a horrible thing to have hanging over you. I nearly gave into his demands as I was so tired of the fight but my solicitor gave me some fire in my belly and said that his debt is irrelevant and that will not be prioritised over finding a suitable home for our children. She said that the court will not be in favour of ‘chucking children out of their family home’. I basically reiterated this to him and he’s backed down (for now). Clearly calling my bluff and an attempt to scare me into agreeing with him.

However, my plan is to look into shared ownership next year but if I’m unsuccessful then I’ll have to stay put. I told him this to try and reach a fair compromise and it still wasn’t good enough-he still threatened court and gloated how he was confident he was going to win. But like I said, he’s gone quiet for now. My solicitor said that if there isn’t alternative housing for the children then they will keep children where they are. My solicitor also said that they wouldn’t force a sale of a house if renting is the only solution either.

The reality that you and I share is that all they’re doing is thinking for themselves and haven’t given their own children a thought and the impact it will cause. So utterly selfish. The fact that your ex has already bought another house and I’m assuming is suitable for your child makes no sense to me. Plus you’re paying the mortgage! Does he even care how and where your child is housed? Does your child see him? Have you looked into SO as an option? Everyone’s situation is different so I can only give you the information she gave me based on my circumstances. If in doubt, I would strongly advise a solicitor. I avoided getting her advice on this matter to refrain from spending more on fees but I’m so glad I did. As much as everyone on here will give their opinions (which I appreciate) we need to remember that they’re not all experts in legal matters. I hope this helps. Sorry again that you’re going through such a difficult time x

Ah thank you for your reply and I'm glad you have some breathing space for now.

In my circumstances I can't talk to my ex, and I am in receipt of legal aid because he has and is abusive (coercive).

The house he bought is suitable for our child. He quickly moved in the girlfriend and her son. She helps him maintain a 50/50 share of the care of our child.

But my solicitor is scaring me against court because she said if he takes me to court that's when I will incur fees and it will cost me a lot as she's convinced he will be successful in forcing the sale and the costs of such will come out from my half of the proceeds.

Of course he’s gone down the 50/50 care of your child 🙄 The ‘care’ he provides for your child has most likely shifted onto his new GF. Anything to get out of paying. A narcissist at its best.

Oh really? What reasons is she giving that makes her think he’ll be successful? If you can’t afford a mortgage elsewhere for now then what other choice do you have? You’ll have to stay where you are. How long left have you got on your current fixed rate? X

After 21 happy years together my ex husband kissed me, told me he loved me, he was going for a walk and never came back. He sent me a text the following day saying he was down South with another woman and I could have the house. He has threatened on several occasions to try and force me to sell the house. He was paying half the mortgage but missed 3 payments in 2022 and to pay half towards necessary roof repairs, since then he hasn't paid a penny since May last year, I'm sure he knows I'm struggling but thinks he'll force the sale. I'm nearly 69 living off my State Pension and a small works pension, I've struggled but managed to keep up the mortgage payments on my own, there is about £90000 equity in the house but if I sell I'll make myself homeless and wouldn't be able to afford a home of my own. He is living in her house, they have 2 incomes going in. Does anyone know where I stand regarding my home of 22 years? Would I qualify for Legal Aid on the grounds of financial abuse?

@Tiredofalltheshit sorry to hear that you are going through this. You will need to start your own post imo to get proper advice.

My son has separated from his wife due to her infidelity. They are legal guardians of 2 of my grandchildren and have a child together. Can he force her to sell the house? Thank you

Could you get a loan to pay of part of the equity. My friend would happily have taken £15 to £20k to walk away from house 3 years later and lots spent on solicitor to see his kids and divorce he is now expecting to get about £65k when house is sold longer she delays the more he gets !