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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How can you get married if you are rich

109 replies

Randomer40 · 13/07/2023 19:09

I seriously dont understand how people do that in England.
Say you worked your ass off/got inheritance and you have 1.5M pounds and your spouse has no assets.

When you get married you essentially gift your spouse 750K (or more over time if they are low earner). You might love your spouse but you might still not want to gift them all those assets you worked hard for.

After 10 years of marriage you will have to split assets 50 50 or worse and a prenup is not much help.

How do people do it? How can anyone think that is fair to split assets that you earned while not even knowing your spouse.

OP posts:
LuckOfTheDrawer · 13/07/2023 19:15

Why is a prenup no help? I thought one written by a good lawyer would be.

I suppose it's simpler if you're both in a similar financial position.

Original poster
Randomer40 · 13/07/2023 19:16

LuckOfTheDrawer · 13/07/2023 19:15

Why is a prenup no help? I thought one written by a good lawyer would be.

I suppose it's simpler if you're both in a similar financial position.

the prenup is legally binding and needs to be "fair", fair meaning you have to give them a lot of assets that you had before.
I fail to understand how that is fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
Randomer40 · 13/07/2023 19:17

Randomer40 · 13/07/2023 19:16

the prenup is legally binding and needs to be "fair", fair meaning you have to give them a lot of assets that you had before.
I fail to understand how that is fair.

Show quote history

*is not

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 13/07/2023 19:20

I agree.

On MN, if a woman has assets/high income she's told not to get married and her DP has to accept getting nothing.

On the other hand, a woman with no assets/low income is advised to get married straight away to her high earning DP and to make sure she gets her half of all his assets, pension and income.

Confused
AppleKatie · 13/07/2023 19:23

In reality people tend to marry others with broadly similar financial situations.

and those that don’t presumably go into it thinking it will last forever and they are happy to share (whether or not that bears out down the line is a different question).

If you are thinking ‘I love my partner but I wouldn’t share my cash with her/him’ just don’t get married it isn’t compulsory.

Azaeleasinbloom · 13/07/2023 19:23

I understand you can take steps to protect pre-marital assets - inheritance, investments and property, and if you are rich then you probably have lawyers who can advise.
But clearly the longer a couple stays together, the more enmeshed their assets become.

Ponderingwindow · 13/07/2023 19:25

first, it’s rare for someone with a great deal of money to marry someone with absolutely no assets.

second, if you want to be able to make economic decisions together with regards to child rearing and how that will impact the career prospects of the person who gives birth and then the person who is the primary caregiver, you understand that it has a huge economic impact over a lifetime for that individual . If your primary goal in a marriage is launching successful children who can maintain a similar lifestyle, it is important to be able to make decisions that prioritize their education and development. Often, sharing assets between the parents is the easiest way to facilitate that goal.

Original poster
Randomer40 · 13/07/2023 21:24

Azaeleasinbloom · 13/07/2023 19:23

I understand you can take steps to protect pre-marital assets - inheritance, investments and property, and if you are rich then you probably have lawyers who can advise.
But clearly the longer a couple stays together, the more enmeshed their assets become.

I find it grossly unfair that in england if you inhertied 1M pounds before you met the person and your high income is higher (presumably because you have worked harder/have a better career) a typical settlement may give 60% or more of that wealth that was accrued before the marriage to the other person.
I honestly wonder how people can be OK with that.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 13/07/2023 21:27

Is it very different under other jurisdictions then?

burnoutbabe · 13/07/2023 21:31

Yes as a richer woman there is no upside to marrying.

Which is a shame.

If we were both broke students we could marry and celebrate our lives together AT NO RISK

but as we aren't, marriage is a risk so I have to stay unmarried. Abs be considered uncommitted or "not as in love as others"

Original poster
Randomer40 · 13/07/2023 21:44

burnoutbabe · 13/07/2023 21:31

Yes as a richer woman there is no upside to marrying.

Which is a shame.

If we were both broke students we could marry and celebrate our lives together AT NO RISK

but as we aren't, marriage is a risk so I have to stay unmarried. Abs be considered uncommitted or "not as in love as others"

Absolutely agree. What a crazy system. Why can't prenups simple be binding like anywhere else in the world?!

How does your partner react to you not wanting to marry because of money?

It is the same for women and men.

OP posts:
Original poster
Randomer40 · 13/07/2023 21:45

JanglyBeads · 13/07/2023 21:27

Is it very different under other jurisdictions then?

Most jurisdictions would completely exclude premarital assets and split the rest 5050.
This seems way more fair and logical.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 13/07/2023 21:46

Most very wealthy people marry other very wealthy spouses. THey are in the same social sets. Sorts the issue.

CatusFlatus · 13/07/2023 21:55

TheaBrandt · 13/07/2023 21:46

Most very wealthy people marry other very wealthy spouses. THey are in the same social sets. Sorts the issue.

Doesn't work for people from ordinary families who become e.g. professional footballers or members of successful bands.

Do they have to dump their girl/boyfriends from ordinary families and find someone with similar assets to them?

AppleKatie · 13/07/2023 21:56

I honestly wonder how people can be OK with that

I think you are fundamentally not understanding what marriage is.

it’s ok to not want it but marriage is the legal, social, emotional and financial joining of two people to become 1.

burnoutbabe · 13/07/2023 21:56

@Randomer40 he is fine -he has assets too so we are both well off (no kids helps)

He's also rationale and understands the logic of the decision.

mrsneate · 13/07/2023 22:07

I don't think it's rare for someone rich to marry someone poor

I met my DP. I was a single mum with three kids living in a rented property after being well and truly screwed over by my ex husband 9 years ago.

I didn't know DP "had money" or properties until a few months in.

We're now living together, getting married next year and I have offered to sign a prenup but he's refused. I earn my own money just haven't had the same opportunities as him. I say opportunities, they aren't really that he has money because his parents worked hard all their life and both have now passed away. His dad was high up in the merchant navy and mum a nurse in the nhs. Now we have a similar set up. I'm a nurse he's high up in the navy.

I'm not with him for his money. Money has never been a bad discussion between us.

Equally I'm not a money grabbing mare and I would never dream of taking his parents house off him should be split. I've got the sense to build my own back up plan in form of savings.

YukoandHiro · 13/07/2023 22:11

That's just not true, particularly if you broke up a couple of years later. Particularly if they are the one who cheats or decides to quit the marriaGe.
If you make a joint life over 30 years that a very different question.
Either you want to make a life with someone or you don't. It you're not sure, do not getting married

Original poster
Randomer40 · 13/07/2023 22:12

YukoandHiro · 13/07/2023 22:11

That's just not true, particularly if you broke up a couple of years later. Particularly if they are the one who cheats or decides to quit the marriaGe.
If you make a joint life over 30 years that a very different question.
Either you want to make a life with someone or you don't. It you're not sure, do not getting married

After around 9 years they get half or more.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 13/07/2023 22:12

AppleKatie · 13/07/2023 21:56

I honestly wonder how people can be OK with that

I think you are fundamentally not understanding what marriage is.

it’s ok to not want it but marriage is the legal, social, emotional and financial joining of two people to become 1.

Yes this. Either you want that or you don't.

Howls · 13/07/2023 22:14

THisbackwithavengeance · 13/07/2023 19:20

I agree.

On MN, if a woman has assets/high income she's told not to get married and her DP has to accept getting nothing.

On the other hand, a woman with no assets/low income is advised to get married straight away to her high earning DP and to make sure she gets her half of all his assets, pension and income.

Confused

It’s usually about protecting yourself if/when you have children.

Too many women are left with children and no money.

If there are no children involved then I agree. If children are on the cards then I’d always advise a woman to marry.

Original poster
Randomer40 · 14/07/2023 08:38

AppleKatie · 13/07/2023 21:56

I honestly wonder how people can be OK with that

I think you are fundamentally not understanding what marriage is.

it’s ok to not want it but marriage is the legal, social, emotional and financial joining of two people to become 1.

Yeah I understand that. What I don't understand is how the rich party can be OK taking this massive risk. Especially when they sacrificed a lot prior to get to that position

OP posts:
Barbadossunset · 14/07/2023 08:52

TheaBrandt · 13/07/2023 21:46

Most very wealthy people marry other very wealthy spouses. THey are in the same social sets. Sorts the issue.

How do you know this?

LotsOfThingsToThinkAbout · 14/07/2023 09:20

I agree OP. If you are the wealthy partner there is no advantage to you. If you stay with the skint partner you can happily share everything but if you split you don't have to.

Twizbe · 14/07/2023 09:36

My husband inherited part of a property portfolio before he met me. After meeting he inherited a bit more. He comes from a wealthier family than me. We met at uni and both worked in comparable careers prior to children, yet despite me having more qualifications he has always earned just a bit more than me (thanks gender pay gap)

We married because we’re a team and we believe it’s for life. We have children and being married gives me legal protections should he die.

When we married we vowed that ‘all that I have, I share with you.’ It’s as simple as that really. It doesn’t matter what we came with, we’ve promised to go forward together as a team.

That said we do have an agreement that the inheritances he got (minus the house we live in) should be passed to our children. If we divorced he’d pass ownership to them at that point. If he dies first, I will leave what I inherit from him to the kids or our grandchildren.