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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Splitting assets he wants 60%

50 replies

Womanningupatlast · 26/06/2023 18:13

My husband thinks the financial
split should be 60:40 in his favour.
we own our house outright and have 3 dependent children and 2 grown up children. One of the children has complex disabilities and the current house has been adapted to meet his needs. It won’t be easy to move to another property with him but I accept that this will have to happen.
I am going to be the parent with majority care. I expect husband will start off with good intentions and have the children one night a week, but I’m not sure how long this will be consistently kept up. He is currently throwing verbal abuse at me for trying to take his children from him, but he doesn’t actually do anything with them at the moment and hasn’t for years, unless I organise it.
I have lost out on over 15 years of employment and pension contributions due to giving up work when our children were young and then not being able to return to work due to child’s disabilities.
meanwhile, my husband has accumulated a private pension pot worth £150k and also has a final salary scheme worth around £600 per month in todays money.
I am now working part time but will likely have to give up work again when my husband and I get divorced. He is currently working part time but I see no reason that he couldn’t go back to full time. We went to both of us working part time in the last 12 months as I got sick of being made to feel like a second rate person for not working and paying my fair way. I only currently earn slightly above minimum wage due to my long career break.
is it likely my husband will get 60:40 split in his favour? Plus, he expects to keep all of his pension because “he earned it”!
I can’t afford to rehouse the children on 40%. Even a much smaller and cheaper property in this area would be unaffordable. Obviously I do appreciate that my husband needs somewhere to live too. He won’t be able to get a mortgage of any significance due to his age.

Yes, I know I need proper legal advice. I tried in a free half hour but it wasn’t very helpful given our complicated circumstances.

OP posts:
Original poster
Womanningupatlast · 26/06/2023 18:14

3 dependent children are at primary school
if that makes any difference.

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 26/06/2023 18:21

The idea will be, as you're not arguing over millions in the bank plus homes on several continents, to meet the needs of the parties. The percentage is not really the focus, don't fixate on that, the aim will be to negotiate to reach an outcome which houses you all in the most reasonable way possible given the assets/income potential available.

Get hold of all the financial info you can put your hands on, and see a solicitor. Stop taking what your husband says as gospel, starting now.

MissJoGrant · 26/06/2023 18:25

Your husband is definitely wrong with his "I earnt it" regarding his pension. Sounds like he is in for a rude awakening from that comment.
His pension is a marital asset and will be put in the pot. This will then be divided with a starting point of 50/50 (then adjusted considering children and other factors).

It's amazing that people get married not knowing this. Perhaps he does know and is trying it on.

I'm not one for suggesting people should take the other person for all they can but it's well established (and sounds very fair in your case) that all assets are put into the pot, including pensions.

HeddaGarbled · 26/06/2023 18:31

He hasn’t got a prayer, unless you are brow-beaten into giving in. He won’t get to keep all his pension either (unless you negotiate a trade-off like you keep the house, he keeps the pension, for example).

You are going to use a solicitor, aren’t you?

Clymene · 26/06/2023 18:32

No, he's wrong. Take him to the cleaners.

Cloverforever · 26/06/2023 18:40

Not a lawyer but I can't see a judge signing off a split in his favour when you have 3 primary school kids to look after, including one with complex disabilities.

Make sure you use a good solicitor (even if you have to put it on a credit card) and do things properly.

unsync · 26/06/2023 18:40

Nope. Everything goes into the pot. You may be in for the long haul as he sounds like an arse. Get good legal representation.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 26/06/2023 18:42

Will the child with complex disabilities ever be able to live independently?

The start point is about meeting needs of dependent children. If you have a child who will always be dependent, and if you are going to be the person who mainly meets that need, that's an important consideration. If your child is expected to live independently in the future then your welfare needs will still need to be met.

I think he's about to have a rude awakening. Are you lawyered up?

Original poster
Womanningupatlast · 26/06/2023 18:46

I have been brow beaten for a long time, mainly due to feeling I had no choice but to stay in an unhappy marriage due to sons disabilities and needing to keep a roof over the Childrens heads.
I know that the pension will be considered a marital asset but my husband just thinks the pension belongs to him.
the whole marriage has been financially questionable for a long time with my husband keeping all his work bonuses for himself whilst I was left struggling along on carers allowance. He seems to think that because they were bonuses they shouldn’t be included as family money as they were his reward for working extra hard!
you can probably see why divorce is now on the cards.
I do plan on using a solicitor but I’m just baffled at the idea that husband would expect 60:40 split in his favour

OP posts:
Velvian · 26/06/2023 18:51

I would say that, given your respective situations, you are far more likely to get a higher percentage of the equity than he is.

HowcanIhelp123 · 26/06/2023 19:02

Courts take into account the needs of all invovled. You've been SAHM, majority care, disabled DC with house adapted to their needs. Depending on how much he earns you could easily be the one awarded 60%, if not more.

Courts could well decide you get 100% of the house to keep disabled DC in it but he gets to keep his pensions. Or you buy him out with a small mortgage and get some of his pension provision. If he was a really high earner you could even be awarded short term spousal.

You can't afford not to see a solictor. If he thinks he can walk away with 60% of assets and leave you homeless with 3 young DC, one disabled, he has another thing coming.

millymollymoomoo · 26/06/2023 19:08

It’s unlikely to go his way
the oension will need to be considered and potentially you might agree to forgo in echo he for equity ( or negotiate split of both)
It’s likely you will be expected to return full time unless there really is genuine reason you can’t re your child disabilities they require you to be cater / however it’s unlikely he’d have to pay spousal

however, if you as a couple have enough assets to provide both parties needs on a 50:50 split ( inc pension) that is likely to happen. If it can’t they’ll look at needs and housing minor children will be the priority

neither party will be taken to the cleaners

he won’t be expected to have tiny bedsit while you’re in a 4 bed house either.

you’ll both come out poorer and you’ll need to get your head around that

Favouritefruits · 26/06/2023 19:09

He’s definitely wrong, you gave up having a career to look after children the family court will see this and you’ll be entitled to 50% in layman’s terms ignore him and just concentrate on yourself!

Mmhmmn · 26/06/2023 19:10

Get a GOOD lawyer. It will be worth it in the end.

nevynevster · 26/06/2023 19:10

Womanningupatlast · 26/06/2023 18:46

I have been brow beaten for a long time, mainly due to feeling I had no choice but to stay in an unhappy marriage due to sons disabilities and needing to keep a roof over the Childrens heads.
I know that the pension will be considered a marital asset but my husband just thinks the pension belongs to him.
the whole marriage has been financially questionable for a long time with my husband keeping all his work bonuses for himself whilst I was left struggling along on carers allowance. He seems to think that because they were bonuses they shouldn’t be included as family money as they were his reward for working extra hard!
you can probably see why divorce is now on the cards.
I do plan on using a solicitor but I’m just baffled at the idea that husband would expect 60:40 split in his favour

It really doesn't matter a jot what he thinks. I suggest you don't really engage on this with him given the circumstances and his attitude until you've had a chance to sit down with a lawyer and talk it through.

However the simple facts are that his pension etc will all be taken as matrimonial assets and split according to the needs of the parties. Given the circumstances of a child with high needs then it's likely there will need to be a lifelong support for the child and so the financial order will take this into account, especially if you are the primary carer.

Have you looked at the Legal Queen on Instagram? She has a lot of helpful advice and does a Q&A so you may be able to ask some question on that.

But honestly invest in some decent legal advice as this is too important to get wrong. Best of luck

FarTooHotForMe · 26/06/2023 19:13

Don’t discuss any split with him, tell him your solicitor is dealing with it.
You will be entitled to at least half of all assets. Sometimes women take more equity and less pension. Men often hate to give up any of their pension.

Quartz2208 · 26/06/2023 19:19

FarTooHotForMe · 26/06/2023 19:13

Don’t discuss any split with him, tell him your solicitor is dealing with it.
You will be entitled to at least half of all assets. Sometimes women take more equity and less pension. Men often hate to give up any of their pension.

This - at a minimum you will get 50/50 given the needs and childcare arrangements it could even more 60/40 to you

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 26/06/2023 19:32

Oh boy, get a good solicitor. They will have a lot of fun with your cunt of a soon-to-be-ex-husband…

Original poster
Womanningupatlast · 26/06/2023 19:39

Thank you to everyone who has replied.
I feel like I am coming across really greedy. Ifni am honest, I would happily give up my share of his pension in return for a 70/30 split of the house in my favour. I think that would allow me to buy a smaller house which is still close by to the kids schools. It would possibly allow him to buy a small flat not a million miles away or a larger shared ownership property (there are quite a few for general resale in our area).
disabled child will not likely ever be independent or living away from me, at least until I get too old or infirm to look after him and myself.
I will be getting a solicitor to help me through all of this and I am currently looking for a decent one but I was hoping to save money by filling in the divorce petition myself and then using a solicitor to help with the financial order and money side of things. I would be happy to use court appointed mediation services but my husband is so awkward, he wouldn’t agree and will just keep bleating on about how he deserves the biggest share of the house and that the pension is his.

OP posts:
Original poster
Womanningupatlast · 26/06/2023 19:42

And to answer about me being expected to back to work full time: it is highly unlikely I will be able to work at all. Currently me and my husband are working opposite days and times so that one of us is around for the kids. There is no wraparound childcare locally for kids with more complex needs.
I might be able to get a part time job during term time school hours - lunchtime assistant type role. But I would still need a lot of time off for sons medical appointments.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 26/06/2023 19:43

Yes you should be aiming for a 70/30 in the circumstances you describe.

I know someone who also got the now rare spousal maintenance because they had a disabled child who was unlikely to be able to live independently which a few years in the ex decided tk capitalise because his new wife didn't like the fact that they were paying each month!!

Anita848 · 26/06/2023 19:47

It doesn't seem likely that the split will be 60/40 in his favour, especially if you have the kids most of the time and you haven't been able to work whilst he has. See if this can also help you https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions/ it might make the process a little easier if you don't/can't spend a huge amount on a solicitor.

PizzazzRoxyStorma · 26/06/2023 19:48

No, don't cut corners - this is too important to your children's future! Get yourself to a formidable family lawyer pronto.

I'm not surprised your husband is trying to browbeat you. He knows he has a lot to lose if you get a good lawyer.

The 70:30 property split you are suggesting, in return for surrendering your rights to his pension: unless his pension savings are small, I suspect any good family lawyer will kick this one to the kerb and negotiate a more advantageous settlement.

Something nobody else has mentioned is that you may well be entitled to more than 50% of his pension! On the grounds that you are likely to live longer.

If you are in Yorkshire or the NE, message me and I will recommend you some solicitors.

PizzazzRoxyStorma · 26/06/2023 19:49

NW not NE (sorry, fat fingers).

dotdotdotdash · 26/06/2023 19:56

You're baffled by his proposal because it is unreasonable but it is consistent with someone so selfish that they keep their own work bonuses rather than financially support their own family. This is why you'll need a solicitor by the sounds of it, to ensure you get a fair deal.