Anyone at the beginning and want to hold hands through it?

[startingoveragainagain]

Hello,

I've just received the draft details of my house from the estate agent. I love this house we've only been here 3 years, it was supposed to be our fresh start house. But nothing changed. I've had enough.

My life is going to change dramatically. I decided a year ago we'd split and six months I got a full-time job in prep for having to have to support myself.

This'll be my second divorce (I ended it that time too), luckily first time my ex bought me out, so it was nice and easy (the finances were, emotional it wasn't (although probably easier than this will be). This time I decided enough was enough, but I had no job and i've got two dogs and a cat, my H will probably give up work due to ill health, so we have to stay here until it's sold. He is very dependent on me although I think he does this to manipulate me and make me feel guilty.

Looking forward to supporting others and helping each other through this and new beginnings!

Hi everyone -

I’m in a similar boat to you lovely ladies and see a ton of people online in this situation now. It’s so sad.

I’m late forties, kids are uni age. Last June, just days after youngest’s last a-level exam, STBXH confessed he’d been having an affair. All his sh!tty behaviour I’d been excusing for years suddenly made sense. He waited until the precise minute I’d outlived my usefulness and dropped the bomb on our life together.

I dropped everything else in my life for 8 weeks to tart up the house and get it on the market (neither of us could afford to live in it once we split) whilst he gallivanted carefree around Europe.

Bought a house 2hrs away from our old life together, closer to the kids uni’s, where I didn’t know a soul and I’m now starting over and rebuilding my life. We’re not divorced yet, we’re just in the process of buying him a property and I’m hoping we’ll be in a position to tackle that once the house stuff is out the way and he’s settled in his property - although I suspect there could be some resistance.

I’d love to have some comrades through this journey. Wishing you all strength to reinvent your life and live it on your own terms.

Hello all - well we are both still living in the house and it's so frustrating. We've had two viewers, one didn't like It... and the other loves it but hasn't sold - i think we could be stuck here for ages. It feels like we are in limbo.

I have told my husband it’s over. We are still living together and will probably have to do so for some time. Living with him is making me depressed. I hate having to put on a brave, happy face for the sake of the kids.
If it wasn’t for the kids I would have walked ages ago. It’s basically been 15 years of lies and gaslighting from him. Even now, he doesn’t accept that his lies are really lies and there is always a reason for them. He thinks my mistrust and digging to find out the truth is a bigger problem than his lies. Apparently I have invaded his privacy.
so I have had enough. I am fearful for the future and worried about how I will house the kids. Im
worried about the emotional impact that divorce is going to have on the kids.
I am also worried about being lonely (but I feel lonely now anyway).
but I really need to do this. I can’t spend the rest of my life with somebody who thinks it’s okay to lie to me whenever he chooses. I can’t spend my life married to somebody who hasn’t properly supported me financially when I had to stay home to look after our children because we couldn’t afford childcare. I can’t spend my
life with somebody who doesn’t share the mental load and behaves like he is a helpless child.
everything about him annoys me now, I’ve just reached the end of the road.

It can be really hard going through this. Honestly I just can’t wait for the entire thing to be behind me. If it helps, see if this can be useful to you - http://iamlip.com/ it’s a bunch of free help guides that take you through the entire process of divorce. Gathering funds for a solicitor is so hard so having these guides + mumsnet has really been a lifesaver. A lot of the stuff you can just do yourself with these guides which really helped so huge bills weren’t racked up from a solicitor. Hope you’re doing okay and everyone else on here. I’ve been reading through this thread all evening and it’s quite nice to be around others who understand.

Hi there. I know this is an old thread, but are you willing to update me around the debt?

My ex also racked up loads of debt at my house. I had nothing to do with it, he was an excessive spender obsessed with image, designer clothes for hundreds, too many toys for my daughter. It was a huge source of stress in the relationship and when it came to a head he became violent, but did not hit me, only intimidation

Now he must be in tens of thousands of debt. He even took out a new loan from my address and defaulted.

Did he manage to make you liable for any debt?

@wehaveeaches well he could make me liable for outstanding school fees and income tax debts. But he's decided not to. He's decided to take them on himself. But he's a very high earner so he'll pay them off in a year or two.