AIBU to expect to have met ex's partner by now

[NextStopDivorce]

Name change and being brief with details so as not to out. Just interested in perspectives and genuinely not sure if I have wrong expectations.

Ex Spouse (amicable, separated over 3y; we'll divorce in about a year). 50/50 childcare arrangement with our two teenage children.

Ex lives fairly locally and has had a partner for nearly 2 years. They don't live together but spend lots of time / overnights including partner being there when my children are there. They're going on a holiday abroad in a few weeks - Ex, Partner, our two children and the partner's children.

I'm finding it increasingly strange that the ex still hasn't introduced me to their partner, given how serious it clearly is and how much time, inc holiday, the partner is around my children. To be clear it's obviously not at all an 'approval'/ 'permission' thing and more just a courtesy, on both sides actually. And not thinking about some awkward meeting but even a casual 'they just happen to be in the car at drop off' kind of thing would break the ice at least.

AIBU to think ex introducing us both would be a positive/courteous step?

It doesn’t really matter, does it, as long as she’s kind to your children?

Why’s it taking four years to divorce?

For what purpose?

I would find this odd, too. I n kw lots of people will say ‘what for?’ But I think it’s polite to meet someone when you spend a lot of time with their children. I think it’s good for dc to see you all ‘getting on’ as well.

It’s up to the partner, who may not be interested in meeting you, as much as it is your ex. If you have another relationship it would equally be up to your new partner whether or not they’d be up for meeting your ex.

Maybe his partner has no interest in meeting you? Or the opportunity hasn’t presented itself?

I think it will have been more than a decade off being together before I met my DHs ex/mother of his children.

it might help if you realised that you probably aren’t as central to your ex’s life as you imagine you are.

There isn’t really any reason why you need to meet your ex’s partner.

I can understand it more if children are young
less do if teens and older

might be courteous but not needed. What would then happen if you don’t like her for example ?

I haven't met any of my existing girlfriends/partners. It has to occurred to me to wait to TBH.

*Ex's, not existing!!

Let me try again .autocorrect....
I haven't met any of my Ex's girlfriends/partners. It hasn't occurred to me to want to TBH.

YABU to expect it.

YANBU to want to.

Why would they need to do that?

A formal meeting and introduction? No. I wouldn't expect it unless I bumped into them accidentally, especially when DC are older.

Why? I haven't introduced my partner of five years to my ex nor have I any interest in meeting anyone he dates 🤔.

My children are teen and pre teen if they are happy I'm happy.

I agree with you and I'd never have agreed to my children being partly raised by someone I never met.

It’s not your decision who the children see when they’re with their other parent (unless you have genuine concerns for their safety). If you mean you’d withhold access, that’d be in contempt of court or at least parental alienation and looked on very unfavourably.

@Franseen maybe so, but not at least arranging a meet is sorry and immature parenting. Unless abuse is a factor, of course.

your children are teens. Absolutely no need for you to meet his partner at all.

Why do you want to meet her?

What makes you think the partner is 'raising' the OPs teenagers?

The problem is, you want to meet from nosiness / curiosity whereas they clearly don’t, or have already online stalked you and so don’t feel the need 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

Unless there is a specific reason to meet her then you don’t need to, maybe she’s not interested in meeting you & why would she. As long as your kids like her & are happy to be around her, which sounds as though they are then all good. Without sounding harsh you are not part of the package with the kids

I’ve been with DH for ten years. His ex wife lives about five minutes away and I’ve never met her, nothing sinister just never got round to it.

I've never met my DP's ex, and don't want to.

She's under no obligation to want to meet you.

I’ve never met my husbands ex wife and I don’t wish to! I only met my exh new wife as I went to ex mil funeral.