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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Child Maintenance

43 replies

Stepmamof1 · 09/06/2023 14:18

Hi All,

I am after a bit of advice.

My husband has a soon from his previous marriage and we have a joint bank account so have been paying his ex-wife directly into her bank each month since he started secondary school.

My stepson is now 18 and left college for the last time today.

Where do we stand with Child Maintenance payments? I know the government says it is payable up to the age of 16 or 20 if still in full time education.

Would our last payment we made have been the last one or do we need to continue paying until the end of the school year next month?

Any advice would be greatfully received

Thanks

OP posts:
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 09/06/2023 14:36

Do child maintenance not send your husband a payment schedule?

Original poster
Stepmamof1 · 09/06/2023 14:41

Hi, it was all done outside of the csa. She approached csa after they spilt and they said they could organise something privately which is what they have been doing. As long as there was no issues the csa was happy for it to go ahead

OP posts:
caringcarer · 09/06/2023 14:54

If his son is going to uni your DH needs to pay until 21. If he's now finished with education I suppose he pays until the end of this school term which is about July 21st. Just because he no longer has to pay his ex towards his son If his son is still living with his Mum and not working/contributing yet he should carry on paying a bit longer until his son has got himself a job. It would only be a month or so but would gain goodwill.

ArnoldBee · 09/06/2023 14:56

Maintenance is payable whilst their is an entitled to child benefit which is usually the first Monday in September.

ArnoldBee · 09/06/2023 14:57

*there

Summerishereagain · 09/06/2023 14:57

I’m amazed that DH has out sourced paying for his child to you.

What is the step son doing now?

Original poster
Stepmamof1 · 09/06/2023 15:08

Hi All, so today stepson finished college. He works on some weekends glass collecting but that is it.

He has never mentioned going to uni so I doubt that will be an option. He has mentioned the army but not sure if he will do down that route.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 09/06/2023 15:15

Have you had any discussions with his mother? Is she expecting it to just stop ? Is son still living at home?

yes he’s an adult but if he was your son would you simply stop providing for him as soon as he turned 18?

the better thing to do is discuss his plans, his he intends to earn money if he’s not studying and come to an agreement

OhBling · 09/06/2023 15:22

I would think it's until the end of the academic year.

But I'm quite uncomfortable with this concept of just refusing to pay from themoment he finishes school. if he lived with you, would you just refuse to let him live there the day he left college? It feels like a sudden withdrawal of all financial support would be a bit harsh and would have quite negative consequences for both him and his mother.

Original poster
Stepmamof1 · 09/06/2023 15:28

There is no concept of just stopping making payments.

I was asking for advice that was all. Feel like I am being judged for asking a question.

OP posts:
NameChangePoP · 09/06/2023 15:35

caringcarer · 09/06/2023 14:54

If his son is going to uni your DH needs to pay until 21. If he's now finished with education I suppose he pays until the end of this school term which is about July 21st. Just because he no longer has to pay his ex towards his son If his son is still living with his Mum and not working/contributing yet he should carry on paying a bit longer until his son has got himself a job. It would only be a month or so but would gain goodwill.

This isn't correct. It's when they've finished Further Education - University is Higher Education and when a child attends university there are no CMS payments due.

crazycatladyof6 · 09/06/2023 15:36

It will be to
cover u til the end of September

NameChangePoP · 09/06/2023 15:37

Stepmamof1 · 09/06/2023 15:28

There is no concept of just stopping making payments.

I was asking for advice that was all. Feel like I am being judged for asking a question.

Sorry you feel like that OP. As a step-mum you're usually going to get a hard time regardless of what you do.
Now he's finished college there is no requirement to pay CMS past the end of July. The mother will know this and should have prepared for this being the case - even her child benefit will stop.

millymollymoomoo · 09/06/2023 15:37

Well in fairness you’re questioning whether you can stop this month or next

it’s not about judging
but question still remains whether your dh still intends to provide any financial support now or not or whether he expects mum to

and a conversation around the sons plans the employment is needed

Flopsythebunny · 09/06/2023 15:39

Stepmamof1 · 09/06/2023 15:28

There is no concept of just stopping making payments.

I was asking for advice that was all. Feel like I am being judged for asking a question.

The first week in September is when it would end if it were through csa

UndercoverCop · 09/06/2023 15:40

I don't plan to financially cut off my son the minute he finishes sixth form. Your partner needs to have a conversation with his son and look how he can continue to support him while he establishes himself as an adult, after all his mother is still housing and feeding him with all of the costs associated with that, gas, electricity, water, council tax the list goes on. This isn't your situation to deal with the father needs to.

millymollymoomoo · 09/06/2023 15:40

I’m not step mum bashing at all

the point is I presume he still lives at home. He needs feeding etc and yes if he’s not in education will need to work and pay his way. But support usually doesnt bluntly stop when you have a child just because they turn 18

Coffeepot72 · 09/06/2023 15:41

NameChangePoP · 09/06/2023 15:35

This isn't correct. It's when they've finished Further Education - University is Higher Education and when a child attends university there are no CMS payments due.

Show quote history

@NameChangePoP yes, you are correct. No legal obligation to keep paying through uni.

NameChangePoP · 09/06/2023 15:46

millymollymoomoo · 09/06/2023 15:40

I’m not step mum bashing at all

the point is I presume he still lives at home. He needs feeding etc and yes if he’s not in education will need to work and pay his way. But support usually doesnt bluntly stop when you have a child just because they turn 18

But the son lives with his mum, at her house. The OPs husband has provided for him up to now. He has no legal or moral obligation to continue paying the mother child support. The mother knew this day would come and should be having a frank discussion with her son as to how he is going to help provide for the household. It isn't the duty of OPs husband to keep subsidising that.

He can continue to support his child in many other ways as he sees fit, but absolutely doesn't need to continue paying in this way.

Original poster
Stepmamof1 · 09/06/2023 15:57

Stepson turned 18 last November.

We had prepared for the fact that he was originally planning on staying at college until he was 20.

He has now has changed his mind and it's left us wondering what to do next. Numerous conversations in the past always went back to wanting to go into the army and now it's like I don't know what I want to do.

OP posts:
JJ8765 · 09/06/2023 15:59

The son can apply for benefits if he’s not working enough hours and isn’t going to uni. He will then have to do various activity to find work. The dad can offer financial support direct to his son but doesn’t have to pay the mum anymore. But she can now expect her son to get a job and charge him board.

millymollymoomoo · 09/06/2023 16:22

Yes he lives at mums and likely she will bars the brunt of costs

its about having sensible discussions and agreements and while yes there is no legal obligation I’d argue there is a moral
one for both parents to agree what suppprt will be provided, in what format and to what extent

Tannedandfake · 09/06/2023 16:30

NameChangePoP · 09/06/2023 15:46

But the son lives with his mum, at her house. The OPs husband has provided for him up to now. He has no legal or moral obligation to continue paying the mother child support. The mother knew this day would come and should be having a frank discussion with her son as to how he is going to help provide for the household. It isn't the duty of OPs husband to keep subsidising that.

He can continue to support his child in many other ways as he sees fit, but absolutely doesn't need to continue paying in this way.

Show quote history

Why is it only the mother’s job to prepare for this and having a frank conversation??
It takes 2 people to make a child….

NameChangePoP · 09/06/2023 17:00

Tannedandfake · 09/06/2023 16:30

Why is it only the mother’s job to prepare for this and having a frank conversation??
It takes 2 people to make a child….

Show quote history

Because he lives in the mothers house? If he lived with the father then he and the OP would be having the conversation. Why on earth should the father continue to subsidise his ex wifes living conditions? The ex knew this was coming, and should have prepared for it.
The father can make his own arrangements with the child, but why on earth should he keep paying the ex when the child is now an adult?!

millymollymoomoo · 09/06/2023 17:13

He’s not subsidising his ex wife’s living conditions. He’s making a contribution the his sons costs while living in his mothers house.

ultimately mum and dad need to sit him down and discuss his plans and lay out expectations