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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Maintenance ex husband complaining

40 replies

ErinAoife · 02/06/2023 21:32

Every year it is the same story with ex husband when it is time to pay for school for our eldest, he keep complaining why he has to pay it.As per our divorce agreement, on top of the maintenance, we share the cost 50 50 for secondary education. I get £ 500 a month for the 2 kids as maintenance, and every year he is asking why he has to pay, why it is not taken out of the maintenance fee. Every year, I have to tell him it is in our divorce agreement and that it was his solicitor that drafted it, not mine. He is now asking me what I do with his £ 500 and if I put the same. He is really getting on my nerves, I don't think I have to tell him what I do with the money, it is all going towards the kids. I don't spend it on me. He only takes the kids one evening a week and has them 2 night every second weekend. He has refused to do 50 50 because it will interfer with his hobby and his girlfriend. I am so fed up with him, he begrudge paying half the cost of Secondary school but he has no problem to buy himself a £ 50,000 car this year. He hasn't confirmed if he is going to pay the £ 120 for books for Secondary school and the £ 240 need to be paid by 15/06. There won't be much extra to pay for Secondary school maybe an extra £ 50. I really don't know what to do if he doesn't pay? Any advice. Thanks. For info, even after he paid me the maintenance he still have a bigger disposable income than me.

OP posts:

Chowtime · 02/06/2023 21:35

"Any advice."

Yeah. Ignore it.

4plusthehound · 02/06/2023 21:48

Tell him that you can see it is very difficult for him as it is the same story every year.

In order to ease his burden you are going to make an application for 50/50 as this arrangement will probably suit him better!

Original poster

ErinAoife · 02/06/2023 21:56

But what happens if it doesn't pay his share of Secondary school now? My daughter is due to start in 2 years and I will be left to pay for it entirely if he stops now to pay towards our son. I don't spend much on me the bare minimum, I buy my chlothes in Primark when ex husband is wearing branded chlothes, my car is 12 years old and I will only changed it when it will be on his last legs, the only extravagance I do is going home in my home country every two years as I cannot afford it every year. The kids are getting the best of everything, doing extra curriculum activities because I sacrifice so much for them, I would like to wear nice chlothes, going to the hairdresser to have a color professionally done, going abroad for weekend away without the kids like him and his girlfriend do. I am so fed up.

OP posts:

Putdownthecake · 02/06/2023 21:58

Can you ask the school to bill him directly?

Original poster

ErinAoife · 02/06/2023 22:16

I just had a look at the maintenance calculator based on his income when we were married, we broke up 5 years ago so his salary should be more now especially since his company is doing very well but i dont know what it is. According to it, I should receive over £ 279,88 a week or £ 1,211.90 so he really should not be complaining.

OP posts:

BetterFuture1985 · 02/06/2023 22:24

Full sympathies on the maintenance but I'm desperate to ask, why do you need to pay for books? None of mine are secondary age yet and I'm curious?

ArcticSkewer · 02/06/2023 22:28

So he pays school fees, or some weird book contribution thing?

You could always apply to cms for a reassessment of child maintenance if you think it's not enough

Rainbowqueeen · 02/06/2023 22:29

If the cms calculator says so much more I would look at if you are better off just claiming through cms and using that money to pay the school costs. From what you have said about the costs you would be better off.

Original poster

ErinAoife · 02/06/2023 22:40

The secondary school cost is the rental of Secondary schools books for the year/insurance/looker fee and parental contributions which are mandatory to pay.

OP posts:

fancreek · 02/06/2023 22:50

If the school fees were agreed in court then tough shit, he has to pay them. And I'd absolutely be going after the full amount on cms took

Original poster

ErinAoife · 02/06/2023 22:52

I don't really want to go the cms route, I am OK with the £ 500 + half of Secondary school cost (which are the books rental, we don't have to pay for the uniforms as I have a friend who give me her son old uniforms which are in very good condition for free so it is a saving of £ 150 so he cannot said I overcharged him,I always give him the proof of the cost, he got copy of the bill the school sent me).

OP posts:

BetterFuture1985 · 02/06/2023 22:53

ErinAoife · 02/06/2023 22:40

The secondary school cost is the rental of Secondary schools books for the year/insurance/looker fee and parental contributions which are mandatory to pay.

Never realised. Thanks for the heads up.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/06/2023 22:54

You should go broken record just repeat what the lawyers said and no other interaction. He wants to moan to get a rise out of you. If he doesn't pay then straight to court

Original poster

ErinAoife · 02/06/2023 23:26

He is just so annoying. Everything is a battle, our eldest is in university, when he turns 18 ex husband stop paying maintenance for him so l told him that I have no issue with it but he need to give the maintenance he paid to me to our son directly as per our divorce agreement, (there is a clause that maintenance need to be paid until the kids are 23 years old if in full time education). I give my son the same amount minus mobile cost and health insurance as I am paying it on his behalf so I technically paid the same amount to my son than ex husband. My son is ok with it. We also paid my son accomodation from a joint saving I have set up for university cost ( i was stupid to have put it in both our name when my first kid was born), it is all the children benefit saved. However the funds will not be enough to cover university cost for 3 kids but ex husband has already told me that he can't afford to put more money into it. He has never put any money into it since we were separated and never really put any money into it when we we were together. I don't put myself money into it since he doesn't contribute to it but i have set up a new one where i put £ 100 a month, it is all I can afford to save.That is going to be another battle that I will have to deal with when the time comes.

OP posts:

SD1978 · 02/06/2023 23:27

I think you should be asking for CMS to reflect the right amount. You're saying you can't cope on what you're given, he's making it difficult with the school amounts, but you're happy to let him do that? Sorry, if you're correct and he owes double the amount he's paying, the school fees become inconsequential and you can afford it all. Not claiming is affecting your kids, and their quality of life. Being a martyr and trying to keep things civil with someone who is happy to see his kids suffer, makes no sense to me at all

Original poster

ErinAoife · 02/06/2023 23:58

The kids don't suffer at all, they don't miss on anything if ex husband respect the divorce agreement in place. I don't want to have ex husband on my back all the time if he had to pay the CMS maintenance calculator. He is already whinging every year when he had to pay extra because of the school rental fee so hell will break if he has to pay double, he will make my life a living nightmare, instead of once or twice a year it will be every month. I can manage at the moment as I live within my means which it is clearly not his case. If he can afford to buy £ 50,000 car this year he surely can afford to pay half of the Secondary School cost, we are talking less than £ 200 for the year.

OP posts:

caringcarer · 03/06/2023 00:47

Ring CMS and let them deal with it
By not applying you are cheating your DC put of something they are entitled to. Present your DH with a copy of the court judgements. I'd have a mind to get them laminated and posted to him every time he moaned about costs.

Weenurse · 03/06/2023 00:57

Just tell him the amount he would have to pay per CMS vs what he pays now and tell him to chose which way he wants to go.

Frogger8395 · 03/06/2023 01:01

Your kids aren’t toddlers, why are you having any contact with him at all?

I get it op, it’s frustrating to see him buying new cars and being tight with the kids. But you can do something about it, cms or solicitors.

Original poster

ErinAoife · 03/06/2023 01:48

How can you have no contact with your ex-husband when you have kids together? I am trying to be civil for the sake of my kids, I don't rock the boat despite everything he has done to me, every hurtful words he said. I just want him to stick to our divorce agreement that his solicitor drafted, the only thing my solicitor added was the college fund joint saving account as I authorize ex to take £ 20k out to go purchase his new house she wanted to make sure it was added to it.

OP posts:

Ihadenough22 · 03/06/2023 01:51

In your situation I would be on to the CMS. Your husband has a nice life and meanwhile he is complaining about giving you £500 a month and 50% of secondary school costs.
You did a CMS calculation and you know he should be giving you far more money.
Your kids are getting older and coming towards an expensive time. You need to be getting more money from him.
Your buying clothes from Primark. You can't afford a few extras because all your money is going towards the kids. Your car is 12 years old and it will need to be replaced soon.

You also need to consider your own life going forward. If you got the correct amount of money from him each month it would cover far more of the kids costs. It would enable you to keep more of your wages for you own use. You could also be paying into a pension for you own security later on.

I would not tell him about contacting the CMS before you do this as he may try to hide his income or savings. If he says anything when you do this I say that you decided to look into the CMS become financially you can no longer afford to carry the majority of the kids costs.
Tell him as well that your currently driving a 12 year old car unlike his current nice car.
Does he do any of the driving your currently doing for your kid's to school, sports, friends houses ect? Get him to start doing this to give you a break and bring down your fuel costs.

When you got your divorce had he a pension? You maybe entitled to some of this money and I would speck to a solicitor about this.
If not fair on you be be carrying the majority of the kids costs and him kicking off when you ask him for his share of the school coats.

Original poster

ErinAoife · 03/06/2023 02:18

Thanks. I did not go after his pension against my solicitor best advice as I wanted to keep things civil.

OP posts:

Putdownthecake · 03/06/2023 07:12

In the nicest way op you need to grow a pair. Stop complaining he's not paying what's owed when you're not prepared to go to cms. If your children are old enough to have phones they can sort themselves when they're seeing dad. You don't need contact. If it's only civil because you're scared to upset him then that's not civil. Tell him he pays or you're going to cms. If he moans, he moans.

Frogger8395 · 03/06/2023 09:52

How can you have no contact with your ex-husband when you have kids together? I am trying to be civil for the sake of my kids,

It sounds like they are old enough to make their own arrangements with him. While you might be civil, he is not so it cannot be civil. Cut him off op and let the professionals deal with the financial side of things.

SquirrelFeed · 03/06/2023 09:59

It seems the more you try and appease him and not rock the boat the more he takes the piss. Try it the other way for once. Rock the boat. You’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t but one way will get your kids more money that the other.

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