Maintenance ex husband complaining

[ErinAoife]

Every year it is the same story with ex husband when it is time to pay for school for our eldest, he keep complaining why he has to pay it.As per our divorce agreement, on top of the maintenance, we share the cost 50 50 for secondary education. I get £ 500 a month for the 2 kids as maintenance, and every year he is asking why he has to pay, why it is not taken out of the maintenance fee. Every year, I have to tell him it is in our divorce agreement and that it was his solicitor that drafted it, not mine. He is now asking me what I do with his £ 500 and if I put the same. He is really getting on my nerves, I don't think I have to tell him what I do with the money, it is all going towards the kids. I don't spend it on me. He only takes the kids one evening a week and has them 2 night every second weekend. He has refused to do 50 50 because it will interfer with his hobby and his girlfriend. I am so fed up with him, he begrudge paying half the cost of Secondary school but he has no problem to buy himself a £ 50,000 car this year. He hasn't confirmed if he is going to pay the £ 120 for books for Secondary school and the £ 240 need to be paid by 15/06. There won't be much extra to pay for Secondary school maybe an extra £ 50. I really don't know what to do if he doesn't pay? Any advice. Thanks. For info, even after he paid me the maintenance he still have a bigger disposable income than me.

@ErinAoife
Will going to CMS invalidate the other terms of your financial agreement in terms of school fees and payment to age 23? You should seek legal advice before you take that step.
You say that the ex. lives above his means, but to be honest, you really don't know what his means may be.

His complaining may just be pro forma as he seemingly then always follows up with the required payment. He may have to raise an objection to keep others in his life satisfied.

As he asks the same questions every year, you can keep supplying the same respones each year. This may just be the dance that the 2 of you engage in each year. It need not mean more than that as long as the outcome is that the obligations are met.

Would you be happier if he had suffered some kind of financial reversal post divorce? Where would that leave your children? As long as he continues to pay his agreed upon obligations, in your place, I would pray for his continued financial good fortune. Playing a part in his once a year drama would be an annoying but meaningless action.

When my aunt didn't receive a maintenance payment, she sent a fax to his office to be seen by anyone, it included the amount, which was the minimum (in Australia so everyone knew he was a cheapskate) he didn't miss again.

He probably doesn't have a fax but a postcard to his place of work could be read by a number of people before him.

well claim via CMS then

He needs to pay for his own children. Who else does he think is going to pay for them?

He has now agreed to pay the book fee😀

He's gone to moan and be a prick anyway. Go to CMS he can take a mandatory consideration to court to drop the 50% school fees but you'd still be better off.

CMS is the barest of minimum he owes his kids. He should only be able to contact you by email, anyway, where he can whine all he likes, who gives a shit. Your kids can arrange their own contact time with the man.

@ErinAoife
He was always going to pay the fees. He just needed to have his annual bit of aggravation.

Just shrug it off as his annual bit of drama. You don't need CMS as you have a Court sanctioned agreement. I suspect you would lose more than you would gain by going through CMS, and he would stand to gain if that would invalidate other parts for your original agreement.

Going through CMS will not make him less of an ass. It will just make him an ass who now has to do even less for his children. Just be grateful that he is no longer your ass.

I hate these bastard men. Please get what you are entitled to via CMS. Why on earth you've not done this is beyond me.

There’s a difference between being civil and pandering. Think of it like a business relationship. Your business is to raise the kids. You don’t discuss personal problems such as his funds. I would tell him to just stick to the court order and stop the discussion about it unless he’s rather you go through CMS to make sure it’s fair.

@OriginalUsername2
I doubt that a threat of going through CMS poses much of a concern for this particular dad. Overall, their mutually agreed upon terms provide more and longer term support for the OP's children than would CMS. He would likely benefit if that agreement was in some way invalidated.

The OP is better of hearing his annual rant. He seems to do this and then move on to comply with their existing agreement. The OP loses a bit of time but little else in listening to his annual rant. It has become a part of the dance. It is not necessary that she internalize anything that he says. She can think of it as the unchanging prologue to his making the payment.

That’s one way of looking at it I suppose. Personally I wouldn’t want my ex’s problems and opinions ruining my perfectly nice day.

Ots a bullshit “transaction”. The court didn’t say big her once a year about it and she has to deal with your emotions for you.

She split with him for a reason, it’s not her job to deal with this man’s sulking anymore! Hasn’t he got a new wife or girlfriend he can moan to?

Sigh. It’s and bug.

@OriginalUsername2
I guess for me it would just be a reminder of why I was no longer with him. At most, I might feel a bit sorry for the person who has to listen to him on an ongoing basis.
If anything, I might see it as my annual reminder of how fortunate I am to be divorced from him.

He would no longer have the ability to upset me in any meaningful way. As long as he met his obligation to my children , his ranting would be just insignificant background noise.

Just claim via CMS. £500 is nothing for 3 children, that’s the cost of food for two weeks let alone everything else. Just claim, ask CMS to be collected for you so he doesn’t have to physically make the payment, and ignore all his communication regarding the CMS.