Do you feel sad when your kids are away?

[AllOrNothingSituation]

Yesterday was the first time ever that my ex has ever taken our 4 kids out together on his own and my youngest is 6! (usually he will only see them at my house) Its also the first time ive been without my oldest for a year as shes home educated so has been with me every second of the day so no break whilst she's been at school. This is what it should have always been like but he has never wanted to take them, it was the first saturday i had not had my kids in 6 years. And i have to say i loved it and did not miss them one bit. Shame he was not taking them overnight. I got to have a bath in peace, I got to clean without kids messing it all back up, no fighting, no arguing. Am I mean for loving it? I see so many posts from people saying they hate when their kids go , cry their eyes out being away from them can't stand it, spend the whole time in bed crying etc and here was me loving it. Anyone else love the time to themselves? It went so fast! Is it weird I didn't feel sad?

I don’t feel sad. I also have 4 but youngest is 8. They are with their Dad who they love and doing fun things. My ex has them all weekend so I work two long days then. Then I do shorter days during the week to accommodate pick up / activities etc. Enjoy the time to yourself, pamper yourself a bit, go for a walk/ read a book and enjoy the peace.

I know it took me a while to get back to myself once I got off the seemingly endless cycle of work / childcare. I actually feel I’ve returned to my pre child self a bit. I read books. I’m interested in current affairs, I’m much more relaxed and fun to be around. We have a good routine as I have time to get ahead of stuff and plan rather than constant firefighting.

Hopefully your ex steps up and takes on his share of parenting.

He will never be having them overnight but this was still very much needed! It just felt so nice to not hear mum every 2 minutes 😂 just hope it's not a one off!

Not for short times, no. I do start to miss them after 4 or 5 days, or on special occasions. But the rest of the time I have too much to do and am too exhausted.

Oh yeah he would never take them for that long. I wish 😅 would be nice to have a chance to miss them

DTwins are now 3.5yrs old. I haven't had a single day away from them.

Would I miss them if someone took them for the day? Christ no! I've never had more than 6hrs away from them. I think if you have never had a break from your children, you are unable to self care or truly rest properly. You've never not had them in order to miss them. I have been "on call" for 3.5yrs, never being able to switch off and relax.

I would love to have the opportunity to miss my children, rather than long for a break. And it doesn't make me a bad parent for saying that. It makes me normal.

DH often works away and comes back and is thrilled to see their little faces. I'm like "fucking hurrah!! watch them!! I'm having a cup of tea in peace!!!!". I miss DH when he's been away. I'd like to excitedly look forward to seeing DC, rather than it just be the clockwork and never changing routine of them and I always together.

I guess I just seen another thread in a single parents group and they were all saying how being away from your kids never gets easier and they hate every minute of it. The majority of single mums seem to hate being away from their kids. I think a break is healthy!

It used to bother me only if it was longer than normal (so 3+ days, not just a weekend). Or if I was hanging out with other children, which I generally tried to avoid. Otherwise, no, I enjoyed being able to do shop, work, see friends etc and rediscover myself as an individual. Sounds like you're overdue some of that!

There's a massive difference between a mother who has 50/50 custody and has 6mths a year to understandably miss their DC, and someone who hasn't had a day off for 6 years, needing respite.

Very true. Thought 50/50 would have been my absolute ideal! My ex would never go for it though 😒

Don't get me started on this.

Yes it should be 50/50. It's one thing when you are a couple, to have one person restrict their career and do all the childcare, to support the family unit and enable the other person to earn big, for the family unit. But when you separate, you both need the opportunity to earn. You both need a break. You both need to provide childcare. You both need to be able to socialise or date.

Yet one person (usually the man) goes, "fuck off love, you haven't got a job like mine, so you need to carry on looking after the kids, like you used to." Whilst ignoring that was only the case because he paid for everything.

I particularly like the men who make out their ex's are some kind of "slag" because they have a new man stay over. They walk round, chests puffed out, "around MY kids, don't you know."

Well, yes. If you ever looked after YOUR kids, then they wouldn't be there all the time, and she could have someone stay over without them there. It's you that causes her never to be able to leave the house in the evening without paying £60 for a babysitter every night. So, yes, she stays in. The five women you've dated, shagged, and dumped this year alone, are fine though, because the DC you never look after, are therefore never at your house to watch the shitshow.

Don't feel guilty about it at all! I love the time to myself too. Can't really imagine anyone not tbh, unless it was a long time or 50/50 split, or on special occasions etc

I think it would be pretty abnormal to miss your kids when they’re out for the day wouldn’t it? It’s not comparable to week on/ week off or 50/50. I’m not sure I get the point you’re trying to make

Sorry I wasn't comparing it to 50/50 I don't even know anyone who has that im talking people whose kids go away for the weekend, i read a post the other day and the woman said she couldn't stop crying as it was her exes weekend, also another who said she hates being away from her kids at all. Not really meaning those with 50/50

Obviously missing your kids is one thing but I've seen people saying they've spent all weekend in bed crying!

One of my friends was inconsolable when her exh got both their dc Xmas Eve and Xmas day because it was agreed they would take turns. She had them Boxing Day and New Year's day and the following year they swapped around. She had them last year but I know next year she will be upset again.

Apparently it doesn’t happen and only happens if they go 50/50 🙃

Yes some people do miss their kids if they are not with them for a couple of hours this is the kind of thing I mean I am not talking just 50/50 plenty of mums can’t bare to be apart from their kids ever which had me wondering if I was mean for loving my time away and not spending the whole time crying. I’m not referring to cases of 50:50

Well I’m awful then, because we do 50:50 and changeover day is my favourite day of the week 😁. Love them to bits, but love being me again. The house stays quiet and tidy. I eat nice food, instead of one of four meals my dd will eat. Bliss.

The only time I hated it was when I hated being alone in the beginning.
I then put effort into gym and seeing friends, or just lazing about and love it when they come back from a weekend away but also its a nice break.

I would feel exactly the same, I would love 50:50 I don't understand why its so unpopular! Sounds wonderful to me but ex would never want that and i didn't have kids to parent them solo I wouldn't be wasting any time crying 🥳

Mine only go half-term/holidays due to distance but see him every other Saturday for a few hours.
I used to hate it. Especially with my youngest who was only 4 months when ex-h moved out. Now I actively look forward to it. Apart from 2 weeks in the summer - that's long!
FT kids is full on- everyone needs a break!

I don't feel sad, but by the time 5pm is coming round on the Saturday he has them, I am looking forward to them being back home.

They've been away for the night once in 3 years, it felt odd, and again, the next morning I was ready for them to be home as I was missing them, but it was also nice having the house to myself.

I think it's a bit different if it's Christmas eve / Christmas day. And also if it's very early days, because it can take a while to get used to the whole new family set up, and you also can feel more lonely once kids have gone and it reminds you you're single / mourning the relationship you had?

I always appreciated the break, but definitely felt more sad at the beginning as it brought home the fact we weren't a family anymore / that I was single

I share our dd with my ex 50/50. We do a 5-5-2-2 split of our time. I don't miss her on the 2 days she's at her dad's because that's mid week, but I do miss her when she's gone for 5 days which includes a weekend. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be able to have a bit of a social life, some lie ins and to be able to get stuff done without constant interruptions (she's 4) but overall I do miss her and can't wait to see her.