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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I will be getting legal advice, but...

49 replies

Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 20:55

Can anyone answer my questions?

I have no idea how things are supposed to be split etc. I was going to walk away from it all just to save the hassle but now I've hopefully been granted legal aid, I don't think I should.

Together 6 years, married 4 years.
6 children - youngest two (3 & 2) are his
I was a SAHM (well, still am, but without the husband 🙄) also carer for eldest child with additional needs

House bought by us both, 9 months before the wedding, but only in his name. There's probably around 80-90k equity in it?

I don't understand pensions at all. I know he's been paying into them since he started working around 12 years ago and has around 12k maybe in pension pots? Is that split, or is it future pensions, or what?

Is everything split 50/50? I mentioned to him once that I'd heard sometimes the resident parent is given more than 50% of the house equity and he was raging with anger.

Thank you!

OP posts:
curious79 · 21/04/2023 21:02

English law is 50-50. Pensions included. You may get a greater share given you’re not earning. But go in and negotiate for half and some support

Shouldbedoing · 21/04/2023 21:04

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/separation-divorce-and-dissolution-civil-partnerships

That's the advice pinned to the top of the post by Mumsnet.
You certainly need toknow and evidence what financial assets you brought to the relationship. He will be required to provide for his 2 children, not all 6 of course.

Separation, divorce and dissolution of civil partnerships

Legal issues when your relationship ends, whether you are married, registered as civil partners, or not.

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/separation-divorce-and-dissolution-civil-partnerships

MayThe4th · 21/04/2023 21:07

You definitely need legal advice.

On the face of it it could be a 50/50 split, however it’s a short marriage and the length of the marriage will be taken into account.

Also, the fact you have six children is irrelevant as only two of them are yours. You’re not being able to work because of your eldest won’t be taken into account as the eldest has additional needs.

With such a short marriage it’s IMO unlikely that you would get more than 50%, if you even get that much.

Treeeeeeee · 21/04/2023 21:09

You have had a short marriage and his property was purchased pre marriage. You may find yourself with no share of the property and only a small amount of his pension

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:11

Treeeeeeee · 21/04/2023 21:09

You have had a short marriage and his property was purchased pre marriage. You may find yourself with no share of the property and only a small amount of his pension

Lol his property. I paid more towards the deposit than him!

Oh well. I suppose it's best if I don't get anything if it's going to piss him off.

Just stings when we're in refuge and he's in the family home like a king

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 21/04/2023 21:11

so the house was bought in his name before you were married, and you have been married 4 years - not likely to get 50-50 in my opinion, but you can hope. Im not an expert, just seen different friends go through similar..

bigdecisionstomake · 21/04/2023 21:12

My understanding is that the starting point is to make sure both parties (and the children) are adequately housed and then any remaining assets will be split equitably.

Treeeeeeee · 21/04/2023 21:12

Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:11

Lol his property. I paid more towards the deposit than him!

Oh well. I suppose it's best if I don't get anything if it's going to piss him off.

Just stings when we're in refuge and he's in the family home like a king

Show quote history

You are the one advising it is all in his name - if you aren't on the deeds you will have a much bigger job proving you have any entitlement to it

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:13

Treeeeeeee · 21/04/2023 21:12

You are the one advising it is all in his name - if you aren't on the deeds you will have a much bigger job proving you have any entitlement to it

Show quote history

Oh I thought it was a marital asset. Never mind then

OP posts:
Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:14

Nimbostratus100 · 21/04/2023 21:11

so the house was bought in his name before you were married, and you have been married 4 years - not likely to get 50-50 in my opinion, but you can hope. Im not an expert, just seen different friends go through similar..

Wow. Didn't think things could get any more depressing! Oh well

OP posts:
Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:14

bigdecisionstomake · 21/04/2023 21:12

My understanding is that the starting point is to make sure both parties (and the children) are adequately housed and then any remaining assets will be split equitably.

All I want is to be amicably housed. It's seemingly impossible with six children. Keep getting turned down :(

OP posts:
JussathoB · 21/04/2023 21:16

Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:11

Lol his property. I paid more towards the deposit than him!

Oh well. I suppose it's best if I don't get anything if it's going to piss him off.

Just stings when we're in refuge and he's in the family home like a king

Show quote history

Sorry finding this confusing. If you paid more into the deposit on the house than him, why is the house ‘in his name’ ??

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:17

JussathoB · 21/04/2023 21:16

Sorry finding this confusing. If you paid more into the deposit on the house than him, why is the house ‘in his name’ ??

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Long story

OP posts:
Shouldbedoing · 21/04/2023 21:17

Find the paper trail re. your deposit for the house. Worst case scenario that gets refunded, Best case, house is a marital asset. Don't let the domestic abuser get away with financial abuse as well. You need to use that legal aid to get the best Clean Break possible.

Nimbostratus100 · 21/04/2023 21:18

Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:14

All I want is to be amicably housed. It's seemingly impossible with six children. Keep getting turned down :(

Show quote history

I dont think your husband is going to be seen as in any way responsible for housing six children, sorry, you may be best off finding another way yourself, and not relying on him, then anything you get from him will be a bonus. He should be paying CS for the youngest 2.

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:18

I was being seriously love bombed at the time tbf. I thought it would be our happy ending so what did it matter if I paid more into the deposit? Not long after moving in with him I could see that I was very wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:19

Nimbostratus100 · 21/04/2023 21:18

I dont think your husband is going to be seen as in any way responsible for housing six children, sorry, you may be best off finding another way yourself, and not relying on him, then anything you get from him will be a bonus. He should be paying CS for the youngest 2.

Show quote history

You can't be serious?

I don't rely on him whatsoever. I was just asking the questions so I know what to expect. I don't need him.

OP posts:
lljkk · 21/04/2023 21:21

It's great you have Legal Aid.

Are the other parents of the older 4 kids, around, why can't they contribute towards their children's housing?

How much of the deposit did you pay, OP, how much of mortgage was paid for out of your earnings or savings since?

Greensleevevssnotnose · 21/04/2023 21:23

If you can prove the deposit you paid i.e the transfer from your account to the solicitor then you may get half back but as you know you were foolish not to be named on the deeds. I guess you get support from the other ,4 children's dad so that will help.

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:23

lljkk · 21/04/2023 21:21

It's great you have Legal Aid.

Are the other parents of the older 4 kids, around, why can't they contribute towards their children's housing?

How much of the deposit did you pay, OP, how much of mortgage was paid for out of your earnings or savings since?

No, their father hasn't had contact for several years and is a huge risk to them.

I didn't pay the mortgage, but I paid for repairs, renovations, maintenance etc. New boiler. Garden turf. Alsorts. And I was a SAHM do he could work all the ridiculous hours he did to earn money.

I paid 10k deposit and he paid 4k

OP posts:
Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:24

Greensleevevssnotnose · 21/04/2023 21:23

If you can prove the deposit you paid i.e the transfer from your account to the solicitor then you may get half back but as you know you were foolish not to be named on the deeds. I guess you get support from the other ,4 children's dad so that will help.

I wasn't foolish. It's a long story

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 21/04/2023 21:25

If your older four are under 18 they DO fall to be considered in what your housing needs etc should be in any settlement.

“Children of the family” are any children of both spouses and any other children (other than foster children) who have been treated by both spouses as children of their family. So, for example, it includes children of one of the spouses who have lived as part of the family during the marriage, but does not include new children or step-children that either spouse now has with a new partner. Those children may be relevant, as may children of the family who are aged over 18, but they are not the first consideration. All references below to the couple’s children are to children of the family in this technical sense. “

Obviously the short length of the marriage goes against you. But you really need proper advice

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:26

HaggisBurger · 21/04/2023 21:25

If your older four are under 18 they DO fall to be considered in what your housing needs etc should be in any settlement.

“Children of the family” are any children of both spouses and any other children (other than foster children) who have been treated by both spouses as children of their family. So, for example, it includes children of one of the spouses who have lived as part of the family during the marriage, but does not include new children or step-children that either spouse now has with a new partner. Those children may be relevant, as may children of the family who are aged over 18, but they are not the first consideration. All references below to the couple’s children are to children of the family in this technical sense. “

Obviously the short length of the marriage goes against you. But you really need proper advice

Thank you!
Wow, short marriage. Didn't bloody feel like it sometimes 🤣 at least I got the children out of that environment when I did I guess.
They're all well under 18.

OP posts:
lljkk · 21/04/2023 21:31

let us know what Legal Aid says.

I'm not blaming you but for your own sanity... I wonder if you can look into some kind of counselling to help you figure out how you repeatedly fell in with such bad guys, and end up having children with them. You don't want to risk doing that again.

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 21/04/2023 21:35

lljkk · 21/04/2023 21:31

let us know what Legal Aid says.

I'm not blaming you but for your own sanity... I wonder if you can look into some kind of counselling to help you figure out how you repeatedly fell in with such bad guys, and end up having children with them. You don't want to risk doing that again.

I've had counselling tbf. I've been abused by everyone who was supposed to love me since I was born tbh so it was almost inevitable that this would happen to me. But no more. I don't need a man 💪

I'm starting my Law degree in October, and if I can get a secure tenancy on a council house (we're classed as homeless while in the refuge) then I will have my "own" home and won't need anyone to talk me into buying a house with them so that they can keep me under their control!

OP posts: