I will be getting legal advice, but...

[Toomuchwine89]

Can anyone answer my questions?

I have no idea how things are supposed to be split etc. I was going to walk away from it all just to save the hassle but now I've hopefully been granted legal aid, I don't think I should.

Together 6 years, married 4 years.
6 children - youngest two (3 & 2) are his
I was a SAHM (well, still am, but without the husband 🙄) also carer for eldest child with additional needs

House bought by us both, 9 months before the wedding, but only in his name. There's probably around 80-90k equity in it?

I don't understand pensions at all. I know he's been paying into them since he started working around 12 years ago and has around 12k maybe in pension pots? Is that split, or is it future pensions, or what?

Is everything split 50/50? I mentioned to him once that I'd heard sometimes the resident parent is given more than 50% of the house equity and he was raging with anger.

Thank you!

How did you pay for renovations, repairs, new boiler etc if you were a sahm?

Tax credits, maintenance from other parent, DLA, Carers, child benefit, my small business etc. RU OK hun?

Lots of misinformation on here

its not 50:50 in English law
you’re entitled to a fair share ( could be more could be less)
the house is a marital asset regardless it’s just in his name
Your older children may well not be considered children of the marriage - as it’s a short marriage
your ex won’t have to pay child maintenance to any child not biologically his ( unless he’s adopted them)
His pre marital pension is unlikely to be included in the pot

research divorce and settlement criteria, understand marital assets and debts, seek legal advise

I'm starting my Law degree in October

Don’t get me wrong because I love your ambition, OP, but is this realistic in the short term?

Caring for six children including two toddlers and an older child with additional needs.
Studying a very, very intensive degree.
Getting through a divorce.
Possibly having to relocate which could involve settling children into new schools.
I assume you’ll have to work full time to support your family of 7?

Thank you, this does sound a lot more similar to what my solicitor has mentioned

Well it's now or never!

And no I won't be working for a couple of years hopefully.

And no I won't be working for a couple of years hopefully.

Why not? You have children to support. How will you sustain them?

If your husband has amassed just £12k pension over 12 years, I’m guessing he’s not on a high income and so CMS will be low?

He has to pay £566 a month.

I will work if I can but if not then what can I do? Was it better that I didn't work when I was with my husband but the children were being abused? Should I go back?

Should I go back?

No, you should be realistic.

I am? It's VERY hard to find work when you're on your own with six children and have been a SAHM for 12 years. If I can find something, then great! But I'm not going to kill myself trying to do too much when I've got a hell of a lot of other stuff to deal with right now. I don't even know when we'll be out of refuge

things will get better, OP

Thank you x

Good luck with the Law degree! That is fantastic! Please ignore some of the comments on here. The subtext of some of them is really unpleasant. I hope you get the proper advice you need as soon as possible and then you can move forward.

Thank you! I've been trying to hide the thread because the negativity is seriously bringing me down but can't find the button?! I really appreciate your post though x

Good luck with the law degree! 😀

Hey op, this forum is frequented by a lot of angry men. Don’t let it get you down, a lot of what’s being said is shit.

in my experience the family courts are actually quite fair to the weaker party - I haven’t had a final hearing yet so can’t say for sure but it’s possible they will grant a mesher order and at the very least you’ll get a good chunk of the capital. Don’t lose hope, my ex was a prize twat too. There is always a way. Also I’m doing my degree after leaving an abusive relationship- I find the support excellent and it’s manageable albeit I only have three children!

Personally I'd choose a degree or course more 100% likely t lead to work

Law is poorly paid and very competitive in the regions and takes 5-6yr to qualify

Why don't you do business accounting IT databases sorntjinf that would support a local office job that would work around kids ?

You'd still be looking at £25k + after a few years and if you did IT and could get into project management you'd earn much more

I did Law ?with stack of A grades and red rock uni etx) and none of my friends or myself went into it . All did city jobs instead. There's far too many qualified people already and the pay is low esp in conveyancinf which you'd likely end up doing as local / would be many firms hiring

I've been foolish too, so this is coming from a place of empathy, but you HAVE been foolish, and until we can acknowledge it, we're really vulnerable to being taken for a ride again.

You mention that your older 4 children's father can't see them because he is a huge risk to them, but also that you got love bombed, that counselling hasn't changed things - this is also a huge risk to them. It's so great you've protected them by moving out, and if they offer you more counselling I really hope you can take it, so you can build on all the work you've done and make a clean break of it.

I disagree with the pp who says you should work, with 6 DCs and so much having happened, that's a huge amount of work involved and they and you need time, better to get yourselves stable and find something to study (ideally less intense work and quicker to pay off than law) to keep things on track in future.

If it was a seamless transition from living together to marriage, then that time will be added in.

You're roughly entitled to 25% of his pension but it isn’t a cash asset. You could offset your interest in it for more of the equity in the property.

I guess you didn’t take any steps to ring fence your deposit when the house was purchased.

Has your lawyer told you about the Legal Aid Statutory Charge?

IGNORE most of the comments on here - they're bollocks. You have a solicitor. They know far more about the law and your personal position. Don't take advice online from people here who know fuck all. Particularly for posters like @Treeeeeeee who think you're entitled to nothing because your name isn't on the deeds

How much is the house worth now? What did you pay for it?

There's about 90k of equity I think

🤯This is completely and utterly untrue. If you’re coming on here to give personal advice say what you will, but don’t state something is law when it’s not.
the law states “ fair settlement “
that may work out to be 50:50 in most cases, but in many it won’t be

👏👏it has got all the way to the second page, with people speculating absolute bollocks, before someone has pointed out what the English law actually does say

op, ignore the twaddle here. Ne person has already pointed you to ADVICE NOW link which is the correct place to go to inform yourself of the actual law and processes.

Then inform yourself of the marriage act, the actual law wrt “ fair settlement “ . This is around 10 or so criteria the court must ensure are considered before “ sealing” any form of financial order, even if you and STBex agree it yourself. Use ADVICE NOW for no on those criteria to determine which relate to you wrt “fair settlement” . You also need to fully understand all your assets both yours and STBex. Again read up on this and start to fill out form E and D81 with what you believe is true.

until you understand how fair settlement applies to you AND STBex and what you true declaration of assets are and what form they’re in, you are just speculating. Stop speculating and inform yourself

that is why the link to ADVICE NOW is there. To stop all this half baked theorising of what settlements people can get