Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Name after divorce

45 replies

denpark · 24/03/2023 22:42

I've been thinking about what I can do with my surname after divorce.

Am I right in thinking it's easier to legally keep my married name so that there's no issues with passports/passport control when going away?

I'm thinking of keeping my married surname but reverting to my maiden name in everyday life. So I'll be back to Ms* but still actually legally have the married surname.

Does that work or make sense?
I'm so confused!

OP posts:
Jadviga · 24/03/2023 22:48

What kind of issues would you anticipate with passport control ? Do you mean with regard to children ? Because that is easily solved with the relevant paperwork, and besides having the same surname is no proof of anything.

Last time we travelled together with my brother, his partner and our kids, we all shared the same surname except my SIL. Airport staff probably assumed I was married to my brother and all four kids were mine 😂

So you have a number of options :

  • change surname and keep relevant paperwork on hand
  • keep surname (and potentially still need the paperwork)
  • change kids' surname to double barrelled
Overrunwithlego · 24/03/2023 22:52

It’s completely up to you. Remember your married name is your name. It pisses me right off when I hear men complaining that their ex wife has “kept my name”. Generally exactly the same men insistent that she took it in the first place.

I think I would revert to my original name, but appreciate there could be some difficulties travelling with kids and that sort of thing. And I suppose generally it’s a bit of an admin ball ache.

SunsetStrip · 24/03/2023 23:17

I'd go back to my old name, I regret not keeping it. However, I'm a big believer that my married name belongs to me, it's not DH's, it's mine!

Fourmagpies · 25/03/2023 07:10

I've reverted to my maiden name, I've always preferred it and there is a good reason not to keep STBXH's last name. Also it's quite a common name and I know at least 3 people with the same name as me locally. Legally I need to wait for the divorce to be final so have the documents to prove but I'm thinking of changing by deed poll now so I can update my name on my professional qualifications.
My kids are teens so hopefully not so much of an issue for travelling. It is a pain updating everything. Some things are easier than you think as you don't need evidence but it's the ones that require legal documents that will be harder. My mum was married three times and had some old investments in previous names as it was too hard to get them changed.

beaconofsanity · 26/03/2023 07:01

Am definitely going to be reverting to my maiden name as it's genuinely unusual. I only half changed to my married name anyway so my passport and professional qualification are in my married name, I'll get over not having the same surname as my children which ironically was my main reason for changing my name in the first place 8/9 years ago and the only reason I changed my drivers licence was for ID purposes!

beaconofsanity · 26/03/2023 07:02
  • that meant to say passport and qualifications are in my maiden name.
bombemma · 26/03/2023 07:08

What issues when travelling with children? Can someone explain

Divorced last year and just sent off for a new passport, hated loosing my maiden name and no longer want to be associated with STBXH

Kids seem indifferent to the idea

Fourmagpies · 26/03/2023 19:43

You may need proof that the children are yours when travelling abroad if last names are different.

blobby10 · 26/03/2023 19:46

After divorce I reverted to my maiden family name at work and tbh it’s a pain! My work credit card is in my married name but I have to remember not to book anything in my ‘work’ name! X I didn’t change because I want the same name as my children even though they are adults and my ex has remarried!🤣🤣

PureGoldLeaf · 26/03/2023 19:49

I kept my married name as it was easier with children. Now they've left school I am going to revert to my maiden name ..... but it is a chore and not without cost.

Good advice here.

How to change your name after divorce

How to change your name after divorce. Find out more here.

https://www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk/blog/2022/08/25/how-to-change-your-name-after-divorce/

bombemma · 26/03/2023 23:18

Fourmagpies · 26/03/2023 19:43

You may need proof that the children are yours when travelling abroad if last names are different.

Is that really a thing? I mean how many couples aren't married? How many woman are divorced? Yet they have to prove the children are there's.

FFS this winds me up,

I'm divorced because I don't want his surname anymore, he's fired off from our marriage; me, his children: Yet I have to prove they are mine? Gives me the rage

Itsybitsydoodah · 26/03/2023 23:37

I'm seriously considering reverting back to my maiden name. I don't want to be associated with the ex and his 2 faced family. Only thing holding me back at the moment is my kids as they are 7 and 9.

coffy11 · 26/03/2023 23:41

I'd change it back to your original name (hate the term maiden name). I have a different surname to my kids and never been asked to prove their mine.

Lizzt2007 · 26/03/2023 23:46

bombemma · 26/03/2023 23:18

Is that really a thing? I mean how many couples aren't married? How many woman are divorced? Yet they have to prove the children are there's.

FFS this winds me up,

I'm divorced because I don't want his surname anymore, he's fired off from our marriage; me, his children: Yet I have to prove they are mine? Gives me the rage

Show quote history

It's to try and prevent child trafficking and parental abduction. It's not actually about the different name, in theory if the kids are travelling with just one parent then border control are allowed to ask if the absent parent has consented to travel and if you can prove that. In reality, it's rarely mums that are asked, same name or not, single dads travelling with kids are asked much more frequently, especially if they have different surname. I take my grandson away frequently with my partner, all three of us have different surnames and I've never been asked. A friend took her foster children (Along with us, her own children and her husband) and was asked for proof she was allowed to take them.

HaggisBurger · 27/03/2023 18:42

I’m changing mine back - though it will be a right royal PTA in terms of admin.

my main thing is to do one thing fully 100%. Never understood people changing it only slightly when they got married and then never remembering which name they’d booked stuff under. Same for changing it back

DollyDaydream55 · 15/04/2023 04:49

I’m not yet legally divorced. For the purposes of the actual divorce I have remained with STBEH name. However, I have changed my name by deed poll (£40) back to maiden name “ready” for when the divorce is finalised. I detested my married name. Even now, when I hear it “called” say at an appointment, I cringe.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 15/04/2023 05:01

Changing your name makes no real difference when travelling when children. Many cultures have women that don’t change their names so travel with different surnames - not to mention the amount of children who gave unmarried parents - airport and immigration staff are used to it.

People assume they get stopped or asked questions because of the name but I’ve had the “who is this?” question to my younger kids, same name as me, than my older ones that didn’t. There’s just more questioning and vigilance of people travelling with children without both parents now.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 15/04/2023 05:03

PureGoldLeaf · 26/03/2023 19:49

I kept my married name as it was easier with children. Now they've left school I am going to revert to my maiden name ..... but it is a chore and not without cost.

Good advice here.

You don’t need a deed poll to change your passport to your maiden name.

https://www.gov.uk/changing-passport-information/divorce-or-returning-to-a-previous-surname

Change your name or personal details on your passport

To change your name or other personal details on your passport, send the standard passport application form with evidence about the change

https://www.gov.uk/changing-passport-information/divorce-or-returning-to-a-previous-surname

iamenough2023 · 16/04/2023 19:30

I am keeping my married name. No reason to change it back as far as I am concerned, it is mine now. I want to have same name as my children and also do not want to go through the process of changing it everywhere. Too much hassle.

Whiteroomjoy · 21/04/2023 20:16

denpark · 24/03/2023 22:42

I've been thinking about what I can do with my surname after divorce.

Am I right in thinking it's easier to legally keep my married name so that there's no issues with passports/passport control when going away?

I'm thinking of keeping my married surname but reverting to my maiden name in everyday life. So I'll be back to Ms* but still actually legally have the married surname.

Does that work or make sense?
I'm so confused!

I kept my married name for official business ( government, council, banks, utilities finances ) but use my maiden name socially and on line
Truth is I’ve always used my maiden name on line as it helps with security, including having a separate email address

works ok for me. A few times some confusions but sorted easily enough.

i have grown up kids and divorced in my late 50s so had used my married name way longer than maiden name .

I dithered a while about switching to maiden fully - but they’re both my name, and both patriarchially bestowed on me annd wasn’t sure which was lesser of two evils, now m 2 years down the line, I think what the hell does it matter.if I could be arsed to change it I’d go with an invention of my own and stick up a finger up at patriarchal systems entirely.

I use Ms only when I have to give a title. Again have done for years long before my divorce. Wtf business is it of anyone to capture data about my marriage status? They don’t do that with the Mr option/ address do they. They want to ask if I’m married, then they ask blokes too, and make sure there’s a bloody good reason why.

but, if I’m writing an official letter of complaint or asking for quotes, trades etc I just use my initial and maiden name. I avoid using feminine titles on most online stuff if I can. It is hugely telling that almost always the response is to Mr WR Joy ..tells you a lot that 🤦‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🙄. Men’s advantage of authority in full force. No bugger is going to even identify me as a women unless they actually need to know or I really don’t have a choice.

greyhairnomore · 21/04/2023 20:49

I went back to my maiden name. Not deed poll just changed it on everything , it's on my birth certificate.
Never once got stopped at passport control.
School did sometimes call me Mrs married name though.

drpet49 · 21/04/2023 20:50

Overrunwithlego · 24/03/2023 22:52

It’s completely up to you. Remember your married name is your name. It pisses me right off when I hear men complaining that their ex wife has “kept my name”. Generally exactly the same men insistent that she took it in the first place.

I think I would revert to my original name, but appreciate there could be some difficulties travelling with kids and that sort of thing. And I suppose generally it’s a bit of an admin ball ache.

Well it is a name she adopted because of her ex. I don’t understand why women would want to keep their ex’s name.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 20:57

drpet49 · 21/04/2023 20:50

Well it is a name she adopted because of her ex. I don’t understand why women would want to keep their ex’s name.

Show quote history

At what point does it become her name rather than his?

DH’s Aunt is in the middle of being divorced by her husband of 62 years. Last time she had a different name she was 19. She’s now about to be a great-grandmother!

it’s her name…

iamenough2023 · 21/04/2023 21:08

S my maiden name was my fathers and my married name is my ex's. If I really wanted to change my name I would probably take my mom's. The thing is I do not really care and like I said I prefer to have the same name as my children.

IVbumble · 21/04/2023 21:14

I didn't keep my ExH surname or revert to my maiden name - I chose something completely different.