Page 2 | Name after divorce

denpark · 2023-03-24T22:42:46+00:00

I've been thinking about what I can do with my surname after divorce. Am I right in thinking it's easier to legally keep my married name so that there's no issues with passports/passport control when going away? I'm thinking of keeping my married surname but reverting to my maiden name in everyday life. So I'll be back to Ms******* but still actually legally have the married surname. Does that work or make sense? I'm so confused!

Spacie · 21/04/2023 21:16

I kept my married named because I am lazy and couldn't be arsed with the paperwork

WankBadger5000 · 21/04/2023 21:21

Reading with interest, I'd dearly love to change back to my surname but have DS5 and don't want to confuse him at all, nor school, appointments and passport control and so on.

Bonkers exH has written to me to demand I change my name, he and his family demand I 'give his name back'.

I've suggested, for the reasons above, we double barrel our sons surname so he has a link to us both. I'd be happy to return 'his' bloody name then. He quickly replied 'my son will never have a link with you or your family while I am alive!'. He over looks the fact that DS is with me 80%+ and also regularly my family...... 🙄

Any pointers anyone? I can't afford any more Court costs and my solicitor did say that the courts are not keen to change the name of a young child, apparently they prefer the child to be old enough to voice their own wishes.

I do still feel like he 'owns' me as I still have his name, he was, and still is very abusive but just can't get me head round having a different surname to my son.

iamenough2023 · 21/04/2023 21:36

@WankBadger5000 you do not have to do anything you do not want to.

DustyLee123 · 21/04/2023 21:37

My DM kept her married name just to piss off his next wife 🤣🤣🤣

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 21/04/2023 22:10

I kept my married name. I don't like my family much anyway and prefer my married name, my DD has the same one as well so I like that link.

I also still go by Mrs. No legal meaning for marriage and divorce, I can choose whatever. I'm too old for Miss, and don't like Ms. So I still go by Mrs with no issues whatsoever. :)

Channellingsophistication · 22/04/2023 06:47

A PP mentioned upthread about travelling with your children with different surnames. Me and DS have different surnames. He was asked once at passport control coming back into UK who I was. Luckily he straightaway said “my mum”. I was advised to take a copy of his birth certificate when travelling proving me as his parent in future.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 22/04/2023 07:04

Channellingsophistication · 22/04/2023 06:47

A PP mentioned upthread about travelling with your children with different surnames. Me and DS have different surnames. He was asked once at passport control coming back into UK who I was. Luckily he straightaway said “my mum”. I was advised to take a copy of his birth certificate when travelling proving me as his parent in future.

That’s advised anyway though.

There are billions of people over the world where mother and child have different surnames for cultural reasons - customs are used to it.

I’ve had more questions travelling alone with my younger children, who I do share a name with, than I did my older children who don’t. It’s tighter security rather than simply a name issue.

TanukiMario · 22/04/2023 07:06

I would keep my married name because its nicer and easier to pronounce/spell etc.
And its my kids name.
And it is now my name.

I changed my name when I got married at 21 though and have lived with it for 20 years now. So it really is my name and feels like my name.

Whiteroomjoy · 22/04/2023 11:36

drpet49 · 21/04/2023 20:50

Well it is a name she adopted because of her ex. I don’t understand why women would want to keep their ex’s name.

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Because my maiden name is my fathers and he wasn’t nice either ? Hey swap one patriarchy for another and costs that will involve like new passport?

Smilelikeyourewinning · 22/04/2023 19:29

Reverted to my maiden name. kids have their dad's name.
Couldn't get rid of it fast enough.The surname went the same way as my wedding dress and rings.

garlictwist · 23/04/2023 08:46

bombemma · 26/03/2023 23:18

Is that really a thing? I mean how many couples aren't married? How many woman are divorced? Yet they have to prove the children are there's.

FFS this winds me up,

I'm divorced because I don't want his surname anymore, he's fired off from our marriage; me, his children: Yet I have to prove they are mine? Gives me the rage

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I take my nieces on holiday every year who have a different surname to me and no one has ever batted an eyelid.

TheOrigRights · 23/04/2023 08:49

HaggisBurger · 27/03/2023 18:42

I’m changing mine back - though it will be a right royal PTA in terms of admin.

my main thing is to do one thing fully 100%. Never understood people changing it only slightly when they got married and then never remembering which name they’d booked stuff under. Same for changing it back

Agree with this.
It's a pain to have one name here and another name there.

Mythicalcreatures · 23/04/2023 08:56

Do what you want to, I never changed my name on marriage and ds has my surname. Ds travels frequently with my dp ( not ds's father and different name), it's never been an issue. I write a letter stating they have my permission to travel with copies of my passport, dc's birth cert and ex's death cert. They have never been requested. It's not a hassle as the only thing I need to change is the dates in the letter, so I wouldn't take travel into account when making my decision

Ilikepinacoladass · 16/11/2023 17:47

Having issues travelling with kids with different surnames is a thing and no point pretending otherwise. Won't be for everyone all the time of course, but my unmarried friend got stopped in the US and held for hours as she has different name to her son. It was really distressing for them.

Ilikepinacoladass · 16/11/2023 17:48

If you do change name you don't legally need to do it on passport until the passport runs out (just remember to book the flights in passport name) so that's not really a cost associated with changing name

ADVICENEEDED987 · 16/11/2023 23:11

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 21/04/2023 22:10

I kept my married name. I don't like my family much anyway and prefer my married name, my DD has the same one as well so I like that link.

I also still go by Mrs. No legal meaning for marriage and divorce, I can choose whatever. I'm too old for Miss, and don't like Ms. So I still go by Mrs with no issues whatsoever. :)

Same here. I didn't want to go back to my maiden name due to previous family issues, so I have kept my married name. I like having the same surname as my children and it saves a lot of hassle with paperwork. I am still using Mrs as my title - the divorce is not finalised yet but I will probably stick with Mrs for most things as I feel too old to use Miss and I'm not overly keen on Ms, to me that just shouts that I'm divorced!

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 17/11/2023 00:16

Itsybitsydoodah · 26/03/2023 23:37

I'm seriously considering reverting back to my maiden name. I don't want to be associated with the ex and his 2 faced family. Only thing holding me back at the moment is my kids as they are 7 and 9.

Mine are similar ages and don't want me to have a different name. I'm thinking of changing it when they're adults.

My married name feels like it belongs to an abusive man, my Ex, and my maiden name feels like it belongs to an abusive man too. When my kids are grown up I'm thinking I might use my given names only and have my middle name as my surname.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/11/2023 00:29

Ilikepinacoladass · 16/11/2023 17:47

Having issues travelling with kids with different surnames is a thing and no point pretending otherwise. Won't be for everyone all the time of course, but my unmarried friend got stopped in the US and held for hours as she has different name to her son. It was really distressing for them.

It won't have been simply surname.

Many cultures all over the world have children with different surnames to their mother. It's not something that customs staff - especially in the US - are inexperienced in.

A child travelling with one parent is always more likely to be stopped that one travelling with two.

More people are stopped now than previously. I've been stopped more times travelling with my younger children, who have my surname, than I ever was with my elder children who don't. There are just more checks now. Same surname doesn't make it less likely.

AltheaVestr1t · 17/11/2023 20:57

When DD is older I will change my name. I don't fancy reverting to my father's name any more than I want to keep STBX's name. All of my life I've had one man's name after another. I think I'll come up with a completely new name that means something to me.

DollyDaydream55 · 17/11/2023 23:48

I’ve done that. I had a father’s name who never wanted me. I lived with various relatives as a baby/young child. Than a husband who betrayed me dreadfully. Now, I’ve chosen two surnames; maiden names of my two lovely grandmas.