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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

He wants to take kids

29 replies

Boppa12 · 23/02/2023 17:18

Half way through divorce. Husband has said when he gets his new home after divorce he is going to take the kids with him to live and they will see me?
Can I put anything in place so this doesnt happen. I want them to stay together and live with me but have a relationship but both parents of more of a 50/50 share care. But because the older ones are over 13 he said they will live with him and see me when they fancy as old enough to decide. This is the worst threat. And I dont know what to think.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 23/02/2023 17:19

How old are they and what do they think

Original poster
Boppa12 · 23/02/2023 17:27

7 13 and 17. They all want to fo with father. They excited for a brand new house and all the nice things hes promised them.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 23/02/2023 17:32

13 and 17 year old will probably be able to choose. 7 year old obvs too young to make a decision. Could you agree 50/50 for the 7 year old’s care? Op the promises may not become reality. Is he a very involved father now?

PeekAtYou · 23/02/2023 17:34

13 and 17 year olds are legally allowed to choose where they live and how often they see you. A judge would not force them to visit you 50% of the time.
The 8 year old would be allowed to choose age 12ish.

(I am assuming that you are in England )

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/02/2023 17:36

Hard though it sounds, if they want to go you have to let them or they’ll resent you.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 23/02/2023 17:36

13 and 17 year old are allowed to choose as they are old enough legally. 7 year old isn't old enough.

Original poster
Boppa12 · 23/02/2023 18:01

So is there nothing I can put in place for them to live with me?

OP posts:
pinkySilver · 23/02/2023 18:06

Not unless they are at risk or they really want to live with you.
Surely if they are happy that's the priority

Cheekychop · 23/02/2023 18:07

Boppa, go and see a solicitor. There is a lot you can do to prevent him from doing this. He has to show that he can look after them and that there is a very good reason why they can't stay with you. Courts are reluctant to remove children from their mother unless it can be shown that she has been neglectful or abusive. So don't take this lying down - fight back by showing that he is clearly doing this to punish/bully/intimidate you. Show how little of the day to day care he has undertaken. Show how he is not able to give them the level of care that you clearly are able to. Xx

itsjustnotok · 23/02/2023 18:09

@Boppa12 I can’t imagine how hard this is for you but you can’t force the older children to live with you. They could end up resenting you x

JanglyBeads · 23/02/2023 18:11

Hard though it sounds, you may have to go along with idea and when it comes to it they may decide not to go, OR they may go but soon realise a new house (and few rules?) is not such a blast as they imagine......

Original poster
Boppa12 · 23/02/2023 18:11

Thankyou. I'm grateful for the help and advice. I think the children would have it more stable with me but happy to share and its definatly against me hes wanting this.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 23/02/2023 18:16

Boppa12 · 23/02/2023 18:11

Thankyou. I'm grateful for the help and advice. I think the children would have it more stable with me but happy to share and its definatly against me hes wanting this.

Unless he is unable to care for them or is abusive the starting point is 50/50 care OP, it’s not yours to share. You both sound very proprietary over the children. Try and put them first.

Cheekychop · 23/02/2023 18:18

I am sorry boppa but he sounds a nasty piece of work - no doubt one of the reasons for the divorce. The court will appoint a very experienced guardian who will speak with the children and it will become apparent very quickly that he is manipulating them, by promising them all this new stuff, inorder to get at you. So please get a really good solicitor and fight him every step of the way. Xx

InstagramBitchWife · 23/02/2023 18:21

So all 3 would choose to live with him?

Is it just about the new house?

Yes, the 2 teens would be considered old enough by a court to make their own decision.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/02/2023 18:24

When you two were working together as a couple, did he do much with the children in terms of physical care, emotional care and cooking and cleaning etc?

Quitelikeacatslife · 23/02/2023 18:24

I think you need to fight for 50/50 even just so the kids know that you did. You need to start taking to them about 50/50 and get them used to the idea so that when they get asked (if you can't make arrangements between you) then they'll be better informed. Don't rely on what they hear from him

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/02/2023 18:25

Cheekychop · Today 18:18
I am sorry boppa but he sounds a nasty piece of work“

Where do you get that from? OP hasn’t said that, unless Iissed something?

MelMei · 23/02/2023 18:33

I am sorry to hear this. Have you spoken to your children about it? What fo they say a d think? I definitely would speak open with them and explain things properly. And I would speak with my lawyer or get legal advice.
Your husband sounds quite determined with that he takes the children.
Best wishes darling hope you get some help to get this in the right way for your children. 🌻🌻🌻

Cheekychop · 23/02/2023 18:35

I am getting that from the fact that he is threatening to take the children from her and only let her see them occasionally. He isn't interested in a 50:50 split, which boppa has said that she would be happy with. Only someone who is a nasty bully would do this - he is clearly not interested in the welfare of the children he is just using them against her inorder to punish her. My view is not to let him do this to get a solicitor to fight for the children to live with her with him having access as the court thinks appropriate whether that be 50:50 or less.

Greyarea12 · 23/02/2023 18:36

Boppa12 · 23/02/2023 17:27

7 13 and 17. They all want to fo with father. They excited for a brand new house and all the nice things hes promised them.

Not for 13 & 17 year old, they would be allowed to decide for themselves (unless they would be at risk). However, for your youngest, if yous can't come to an agreement, then you need a solicitor.

Greyarea12 · 23/02/2023 18:38

Greyarea12 · 23/02/2023 18:36

Not for 13 & 17 year old, they would be allowed to decide for themselves (unless they would be at risk). However, for your youngest, if yous can't come to an agreement, then you need a solicitor.

Show quote history

Sorry I quoted your wrong post. I meant to quote your other post that says, So is there nothing I can put in place for them to live with me?

Holly60 · 23/02/2023 18:38

Cheekychop · 23/02/2023 18:35

I am getting that from the fact that he is threatening to take the children from her and only let her see them occasionally. He isn't interested in a 50:50 split, which boppa has said that she would be happy with. Only someone who is a nasty bully would do this - he is clearly not interested in the welfare of the children he is just using them against her inorder to punish her. My view is not to let him do this to get a solicitor to fight for the children to live with her with him having access as the court thinks appropriate whether that be 50:50 or less.

I think you may have missed the fact that two of the children are 17 and 13. And that OP has said that they want to live with their dad.

If they are old enough, and they've stated a preference for where they want to live, there isn't much the other parent can do, surely?

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/02/2023 18:39

Cheekychop · Today 18:35
I am getting that from the fact that he is threatening to take the children from her and only let her see them occasionally.“

Mum’s do that all the time. Are they nasty bullies, too?

Cheekychop · 23/02/2023 18:58

Quite possibly MSW very much depends on the circumstances of the case. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. Boppa is happy with a 50:50 split - she is being very reasonable in a difficult situation and putting the childrens needs first. Her husband unfortunately isn't doing the same.

Boppa get a solicitor and take it to court. Get a proper court ordered contact arrangement set up. Let the court assess the children and let the court decide what is in the childrens best interests.

Good luck with it all boppa, sending hugs xx