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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Basic concepts of child maintenance/contributions.

67 replies

FallenFigs · 21/02/2023 07:40

DH and I are separating and aiming to do it in as amicable way as possible. Obviously I will be getting legal advice but we are trying to agree the outline structure of any settlement ourselves, to minimise legal costs.

I’d appreciate some advice on the general principles of child maintenance so I can get it straight in my head before talking with others.

Background is this:
Together 20 years, married 18
DC 14 and 12

Pensions are roughly equal
we have agreed the house is basically 50/50
I have a reasonable ISA (as part of retirement planning). DH using his ISA to put a deposit on a house.

We earn on approx 60/40 split with DH earning more. we currently split bills roughly along this ratio too.

DH is proposing that he continues to pay the mortgage on ‘our’ house and pays the mortgage on new house. We then effectively own these both jointly and split proceeds equally when sold. When DC leave home this would enable me to downsize etc.

What is next to be discussed is the split of bills on both houses. Ie whether I will then be responsible for all bills on the house I live in. Frankly this is not affordable for me, with other costs such as food etc.

Pensions stay as they are.

So, with this sort of arrangement on assets, what would be expected in terms of child maintenance, both ways?

DH currently is around mornings with DC to enable me to start work early. This would continue.

He is also also proposing one overnight in the week and every other weekend.

whilst we are trying to do this amicably, I also need to make sure it is fair. DH has fairly complex business arrangements so I do need to be alert to anything he might be doing to minimise salary (and therefore minimise payments towards DC ‘running costs’) and maximise his capital/savings.

I work 3.5 days currently and will increase to 4 days at end of year.

Any thoughts? Would I be expecting a contribution towards bills on the house the DC live in and towards their food and other living costs eg activities, clothing etc. This, I suspect, will be the tricky bit.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 21/02/2023 07:45

I think that’s a terrible idea tbh

the idea of divorce is to untangle yourselves and cut financial tie not add more

you should be looking at ways to buy him out, sell and split equity, both have new solely owned or rented properties

why would he pay the mortgage on both ??

what are your relative earnings?

millymollymoomoo · 21/02/2023 07:48

And what is your full time earning capacity - the ages of your children mean you’ve no reason not to be full time and your ex should not be expected to fund a choice to be part time

can he even get 2 mortgages ?

2 mortgages, maintenance and still an expectation that he contributes bills on ‘your’ house…. I don’t think that’s reasonable at all

MrsMontyD · 21/02/2023 07:51

Get legal advice before you discuss this much further.

Generally most people aim for a clean break these days.

The split of the house should probably be in your favour if you will be housing dc more than 50% of the time. STBXH will pay usually maintenance based on his income unless you agree something different, which you can then use as you need to for bills etc. if he's happy to agree more than CMS level maintenance get that agreed legally, and I would go for a fixed amount and not a % of bills, it may be amicable now but if it's not in future you don't want to be having to argue the toss about your electric bill with your exH.

Bear in mind the these things rarely stay amicable and circumstances change.

Have you had pension CETVs? His pension pot could be substantially more, you'll need those figures anyway. You may not want to share pensions but it's a negotiation point. Pensions are really important, living off one on your own is very different to sharing two in a couple.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 21/02/2023 07:59

DH is proposing that he continues to pay the mortgage on ‘our’ house and pays the mortgage on new house. We then effectively own these both jointly and split proceeds equally when sold.

What?

So with a salary a little higher than yours he can afford to pay two mortgages, but you can’t afford to pay the bills on yours? And then you’d own half the equity in his home? And he’d pay child maintenance too?

What if one of you remarries or wants to move a partner in, or to sell up to live with someone new, or to move house?

Trying to hang on to the family home in situations like yours is often a major stumbling block. The standard split would be 50:50 of house equity, plus maintenance of whatever CMS indicates (use their calculator). If you can afford to buy him out of the family home on this then fine, if not then bite the bullet and cut the financial knot. Amicable does not mean half-divorced, it means calm and reasonable negotiation.

Soontobe60 · 21/02/2023 08:08

I’m guessing from your suggestions that he hasn’t actually seen a solicitor yet. It’s a crazy proposal!
if the pensions are very similar, then you’d be looking at a 50/50 split of all equity / savings with CM paid by him in accordance with CMS calculator. Why would he pay your mortgage or bills?

Original poster
FallenFigs · 21/02/2023 08:10

I’m part time currently as I’m also studying. That has another year to run.

I know it does seem convoluted. I also know DH has an attitude to money that I often find hard to understand.

But I cannot afford the mortgage. I also cannot afford to buy him out. I do have the cash to do so and wouldn’t be able to afford an increased mortgage.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 21/02/2023 08:11

No this is terrible and it's unlikely a court would sign it off. They like to see clean break. Get in front of a mediator and thrash it out that way. If he can pay two mortgages and you're struggling with bills then it's not equitable is it? Put all his details into the child maintenance calculator on gov.uk and that will give you a rough idea of his liability.

Original poster
FallenFigs · 21/02/2023 08:18

Only half my reply posted for some reason.

I did say DH has a convulted attitude to money.

So, if we went for a 50/50 split of the house, would a sensible thing be to say that we split the remaining mortgage on that 50:50. My thinking was that we would put in place an agreement that when the youngest DC reaches 18, we sell and split equity 50:50.

I think he’s thinking he’d pay towards the mortgage/house as maintenance, effectively.

On CMS, my concern is that he has/will drop his salary to the minimum and then use other means to top up earnings (dividends etx) that will not be included. Therefore he would be paying a lower percentage of his truly disposable income. I haven’t looked into this much yet tho.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 21/02/2023 08:20

What are you studying and what will your full time earnings be in a year ?

i agree with mrsc. If you earn 40% and him 60% how come he can afford 2 mortgages, bills, maintenance? Yet you are struggling.. Something not adding up

You need to rethink this and look at ways to sever finances.

Original poster
FallenFigs · 21/02/2023 08:20

If he is using a chunk of savings he has built up during the marriage to buy another asset, how does that work?

OP posts:
Original poster
FallenFigs · 21/02/2023 08:21

Study is post grad. Full time earnings in a year should be approx £50-£55k.

OP posts:
DrMarciaFieldstone · 21/02/2023 08:22

None of this sounds right or fair, tbh. The idea is to separate finances as much as possible.

You need to see a lawyer, PP is right; it’s unlikely this arrangement would be signed off.

millymollymoomoo · 21/02/2023 08:22

In a mesher, usually you’d be expected to pay the mortgage and bills alone. If you can’t it is unlikely to be awarded unless absolutely the only way to house your children….

Original poster
FallenFigs · 21/02/2023 08:22

TBH I do want a clean break.

How can I structure this, then?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 21/02/2023 08:25

Go via mediation and a solicitor and they will help you thrash out

isthistheendtakeabreath · 21/02/2023 08:26

Agree with @millymollymoomoo

If he's paying towards your housing costs that's effectively his maintenance - he wouldn't be expected to pay that and CMS

For the sake of a year why didn't you just wait to separate if it's all pretty amicable?

You'll be expected to cover all bills on your own home - if you can't then it needs to be sold

OutDamnedSpot · 21/02/2023 08:32

At 60/40 your wages aren’t different enough to suggest he could afford two mortgages but you couldn’t afford any…

You really do need a solicitor. They’ll ask for full financial disclosure from both of you (Form E) then make suggestions for financial agreement.

Most likely, one of you buys the other out of the current property, or you sell current property and can each use equity as deposit on new property.

Original poster
FallenFigs · 21/02/2023 08:34

What’s a mesher?

I definitely don’t want to wait a year.

So, on the CMS front. If I calculate based on salary, it’s £400/month. But if I calculate based on what I know income is (salary plus divs etc) then it’s double that.

Would a court really not sign off on keeping the house and paying off the debt equally than splitting 50:50? I have a friend who has done this.

Then, all other costs dealt with through CMS (I’d have find a a way of ensuring it’s calculated on total income).

Pensions are equal.

I have a bigger ISA pot. He will be rebuilding quicker with the investment of his ISA pot.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 08:36

Remember, child maintenance depends on how often he has the kids. If he has them 50% of the time, then CM wouldn’t be expected. What’s the plan on this front?

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 08:38

By the way, when you say wage is 60/40, are you basing that on your expected salary post study?

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 08:39

Apologies, you put the child split in the OP!

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 08:40

You said that STBXH would be around in the mornings still for the kids, how would that work?

gogohmm · 21/02/2023 08:41

The court signs off most things that are amicably agreed as long as they don't think someone is being exploited, they aren't your worry.

What you need to do is work out the total assets right now, that's savings, equity, pensions, jewellery, artwork, cars - everything, draw a line in the sand and theoretically split it up how you wish so either 50/50 or slightly in your favour. Then he can take his share of savings to buy a new property if it's affordable. He still needs to be paying for the mortgage as he owns your house. He should not need to pay for the bills though if not living there.

Completely separate is child maintenance and spousal support if applicable, that should be based on how many extra nights you have the children.

It's messier this way but we made it happen. We didn't file for divorce though until we sold the joint property, the legal paperwork is just paperwork afterall

Greensleevevssnotnose · 21/02/2023 08:42

Your ISAs are part of the assets you don't get to keep them.

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 08:42

FallenFigs · 21/02/2023 08:20

If he is using a chunk of savings he has built up during the marriage to buy another asset, how does that work?

how do his ISA savings look in comparison to yours?

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