Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Pension is this fair?

28 replies

Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 18:26

Things are amicable with my STBXH and I'd like to keep it that way. I don't want to get petty about every little tiny detail of splitting our finances. I don't have the energy for it.

To cut the confusion of sorting our pensions, how about I just ask for £4800 from his pension pot to mine. That's based on 24 months of maternity leave that I was on during our marriage, so 24
X £200 which is a generous estimate of what he pays into his pension each month.

Married 8 years. Children 6 and 2.

OP posts:
laundryschmaundry · 18/02/2023 18:28

How old are you? If you're under 35 to be honest I think you'd spend more on legal fees fighting for a very small contribution to the pension pot.

If there are other assets I'd suggest you take a greater percentage equivalent to £5k and leave pensions alone.

Original poster
Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 18:29

I'm 36

OP posts:
GoodChat · 18/02/2023 18:31

You still contribute to your pension while on any paid leave. Is he likely to pick flies over that?

millymollymoomoo · 18/02/2023 18:43

No where near enough details to even hazard a guess and tbh if that’s it I simply wouldn’t bother

whats your earning vs his ?
your company would have still paid contributions while in maternity ( what’s their policy ? )
what’s the overall split of settlement ?
whats the child arrangements?
can he argue he spent more £ during your maternity if you weren’t earning so this offsets it ….

millymollymoomoo · 18/02/2023 18:43

Oh and at 36 you have 30 years to recoup pension !

Original poster
Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 18:49

I'm self employed.

He earns £48,000 employed full time. (Up until a few months ago he warned £30,000)
I earn £29000 self employed part time.

He will have the children every other weekend and one day a week
We are going to split the equity from this house 60% 40% to me.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 18/02/2023 19:10

Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 18:49

I'm self employed.

He earns £48,000 employed full time. (Up until a few months ago he warned £30,000)
I earn £29000 self employed part time.

He will have the children every other weekend and one day a week
We are going to split the equity from this house 60% 40% to me.

In that case, no. You absolutely shouldn't get £5000 worth of pension contributions.

Original poster
Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 19:12

@GoodChat please can you explain why? I will actually feel relieved if thats the case.

OP posts:
Chowtime · 18/02/2023 19:12

why don't you just split pensions 50/50?

GoodChat · 18/02/2023 19:14

Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 19:12

@GoodChat please can you explain why? I will actually feel relieved if thats the case.

If he was earning £30,000 and paying the majority of household costs during your maternity leaves there's no way he'll have paid £200 into his own pension each month.

mumyes · 18/02/2023 19:19

I was in a similar position to you - didn't want a fuss, wanted it amicable. I now wish I had done things better, i.e checked his valuations of assets, and taken a better share for me (& my dc). I'm afraid money is what makes the world go around, and you'll need it when you're on your own.

I would get proper advice, and take your proper share. Particularly as you're doing the vast bulk of the childcare.

Goid luck.

Original poster
Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 19:25

@GoodChat OK well whatever his contribution was, do you think he should match it for me?

OP posts:
GoodChat · 18/02/2023 19:26

Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 19:25

@GoodChat OK well whatever his contribution was, do you think he should match it for me?

For the sake of two years, no I really don't.

laundryschmaundry · 18/02/2023 19:32

Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 18:49

I'm self employed.

He earns £48,000 employed full time. (Up until a few months ago he warned £30,000)
I earn £29000 self employed part time.

He will have the children every other weekend and one day a week
We are going to split the equity from this house 60% 40% to me.

This is a very very fair deal for you OP.

HermioneWeasley · 18/02/2023 19:32

Why aren’t you getting half the equity in the house? What pension has he accumulated during your marriage vs you?

laundryschmaundry · 18/02/2023 19:34

HermioneWeasley · 18/02/2023 19:32

Why aren’t you getting half the equity in the house? What pension has he accumulated during your marriage vs you?

The OP is getting 60% of the equity. At mid thirties and relatively equal earnings during the marriage there's really no reason to be quibbling over small pensions- it's a sure fire way to start making your divorce less amicable and more expensive

Pardon44 · 18/02/2023 19:39

I wouldn't bother. I wouldn't argue over 5k.

Original poster
Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 19:45

Well this is honestly a relief to read.

Just so I know I have thought about everything do you think these things make a difference...

Even though our earnings were similar I was working part time and him full time so I was contributing more childcare and and cleaning than him.

Going forward I'll be working part time since I'll be doing the bulk of the childcare and I don't want them to go to breakfast and after-school club every day. This will enable him to be working full time. He has agreed to pay what the child maintenance service sets.
I'm just thinking tha since he will be working more than me he will be able to put more in his pension. I'll be working less due to childcare so will have less to put in my pension.

I guess what I am getting at is... Does the CM payments take into account my pension. Should I just be using that to pay into my pension?

OP posts:
GoodChat · 18/02/2023 19:48

Child maintenance is based on his earnings, not yours.

You could work full time, pay for childcare and claim maintenance and the amount you receive would be the same.

Americansmoothy · 18/02/2023 19:49

@Goldandpurplezebra you need facts to make a decision. Ask for a valuation of both your pension pots and then discuss what is fair.

Overthebow · 18/02/2023 19:55

Breakfast and after school clubs are fine and you could easily afford it on your full time salary. Your earnings were similar throughout your marriage, I’m not sure why everything wouldn’t just be 50/50.

Original poster
Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 19:58

@GoodChat yes that's true.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 19:58

Thanks everyone 😊🙂

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 18/02/2023 20:53

If you want higher pension, work full time

Original poster
Goldandpurplezebra · 18/02/2023 21:09

@millymollymoomoo it's not as simple as that though is it. If I work more I'll see my kids less which I don't think is the best for them.

I will be using breakfast and after-school club but I don't think it will be best for them to go to both of them every day.

Meanwhile Ex can pretty much work whatever hours he wants. But I guess at least that means his earning potential will go up and my CM will go up.

So much to consider!! It's good to thrash it out though.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread