Remember me, the one who rented a house, with a abusive husband well..

[Gemski38]

I didn't leave 🙁
Things got very very bad, and of course he manipulated me to stay saying he will change. Best behaviour for a few months, however now the usual stuff is happening.
I still have the house, as i know deep down i need to go, but the fear is holding me back.
Today i was at my rental house, chilling before a night shift (student nurse) knock at the door and its him. Demands to come in, searches the house saying i have someone in there. Then starts ranting " oh feet up chilling, watching fucking tv is it, fucking resting are we"
I managed to get him out, where he was accusing me of having a affair, using him, uni has changed me, my new friends are brain washing me etc etc

i walked off and he rung shouting i "looked dodgy, you were expecting someone else at the door weren't you" on and on ranting.. 🙁

I dont know what to do, im so scared of going to that house permanently, as he will torture me clearly, wont let me go, accuse me of all sorts.

He manipulates me 24/7, so when we try to talk, EVERYTHING gets twisted back onto me. Its ME with the issues, its me whos abusive, he has tried everything. Denies calling me shit mum, shit wife, crap person, mental. ice queen, fucked uo etc when i say these names hurt me.. round and round we go..

In all honesty i feel suicidal the last few months 😭Daily thoughts of ending my life, whats the point, he wont leave me go, he is so manipulative its made me unwell..

My 3 gorgeous boys, the only thing keeping me here xxx

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources]]. You can also go to the www.samaritans.org/ Samaritans website]] or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

@Gemski38 Please call Womans Aid and get yourself a copy of Lundy Bancroft's 'Why Does He Do That'.

You are being abused and you are stuck because you can't see past him. You need resources to formulate a plan and escape. There are techniques you can use to block some of his bullshit like the 'grey rock' technique.

Only you can save yourself. You were a whole complete person before him and you can be again. Remember your children are watching and learning what a relationship is from you and the tosspot.

Reach out for help and this time take the lifeline and leave.

I remember you. I'm so sad.

That house isn't safe anymore. You need to start again. Go to a refuge. Get another house.

Please don't wait for him to kill you.

What's the point in being a student nurse if you don't get to qualify?

Tell work. Get help. Please. Start a ball rolling so you can't back out.

I'm so sorry. Do you think you could leave if you had some help, like help from Women's Aid for example?

You need to go to that rental house that's all yours, with the DC. Don't let him in for any reason at all. Don't answer the phone to him, get a new number and be very choosy who you give it to (nobody likely to give it to him) and block him on everything online and phone.

If he shows up ranting etc banging on the door call the police, every time. He will probably give up when he can't get a response, like all bullies he wants a reaction and for you to stay with him. When it's clear that isn't going to work any more and you're not with him he will go away. If he doesn't he'll end up getting arrested and eventually prison.

I had the brainwashed thing. Yes because seeing him for what he is must mean people have brainwashed you! The only one trying to brainwashed you is him. Don't believe the lies he tells. You can escape this situation.

If your house is rented, move elsewhere so he doesn't have the address. I know it's a hassle but less hassle than being hounded by him.

No point talking to him ever, because as you say it all gets twisted round, you'll never get him to see your side. He already knows your side, the issue isn't that he doesn't understand it's that he doesn't care. Go no contact, it's the only way to get peace.

Get your things from the shared place while he's at work, tell the landlord you've left due to domestic abuse and get yourself off the tenancy so you're not liable for the rent if he stops paying. Get utilities out of your name, just tell them you've gone and pay online whatever you owe don't give them your new address.

Also change all your addresses over, car, bank, work etc so no important post goes there. Get post redirected by royal mail for a while so you don't have to ask him if anything came for you.

Basically get out and then cut him out of your life completely. You don't have to live this miserable existence. You made a mistake but it's within your power to put it right.