Do kids at uni still get a home?!

KangarooKenny · 01/02/2023 16:45

Kids sleep on a couch ? What a twat !

millymollymoomoo · 01/02/2023 17:09

Well legally your h is correct and are not considered in the needs for housing

you would be deemed as ‘needing’ a 2 bed when assessed for asset split and if your 15 year old spends time with both of you then your needs are the same

morally different story but finances not split on morals

Original poster

Theatreland · 01/02/2023 17:15

@millymollymoomoo A Mesher order might be the solution - keep the house until youngest DC finishes in higher education? Don't like the idea of being financially linked though - but preferable that the kids have a home during their time at university (18 y.o is a medic - will be six years!)

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 01/02/2023 17:16

Well technically he is correct, but what a knob!
However, best thing you can do in the circumstances is delay any sale for as long as you can. Maybe you might be able to hash things out in mediation?
Is there actually enough money to go round, ie for him to house himself and for you to be able to house the DC, or is it a question of both of you having to go somewhere smaller?

Soontobe60 · 01/02/2023 17:20

I suppose much depends on how much equity is in the home, how much each of you earn, value of each of your pensions etc.

gogohmm · 01/02/2023 17:24

He is sort of correct. You need to divide the assets and ensure you are both adequately housed. The courts won't award you extra equity because of the adult children however you can look for a larger property if there is sufficient funds of course.

Original poster

Theatreland · 01/02/2023 17:25

Is there actually enough money to go round, ie for him to house himself and for you to be able to house the DC, or is it a question of both of you having to go somewhere smaller?

Not enough money to go round, no. Both of us would have to downsize - from 5 bed house to 2 x 2-bed flats.

This is why I have been dithering for so long - friends have advised me to 'string it out' for a couple of years until kids leave uni (although more likely to be 5 years plus - which is a helluva long time when you're in your mid-50s as we are and deeply unhappy)

OP posts:

gogohmm · 01/02/2023 17:26

A mesher order until youngest finishes a levels might be a good interim solution, avoids disruption for him and ensures a home until older 2 graduate (assuming 3 year degrees). Remember not all university students come home

gogohmm · 01/02/2023 17:28

In all honesty in your position with a large house, could you just live separate lives until youngest is 18 then sell? We did this and I actually met dp during that time, as long as you can coexist it's the easiest financial solution

millymollymoomoo · 01/02/2023 17:30

Mesher unlikely if it means he can’t adequately house himself and 15 year old

can you also afford to pay mortgage and bills on current home

in reality though by the time divorce goes through abc house jd sold you’d be another year away or so.

Where is he now ?

titchy · 01/02/2023 17:33

Could the dcs not share a room? Or you find a 3 bed with your share of the proceeds?

bigbluebus · 01/02/2023 17:40

If parents are expected to finance their DCs at Uni as they are not considered to be independent of their parents, then surely they can't be considered to have left home and be living independently?
Most Uni accommodation isn't on a 52 week contract so the student would be homeless for at least 2 weeks a year.

LemonTT · 01/02/2023 17:44

Mesher impossible in this situation. You would be reliant on goodwill which presumably ran out at some point of dithering and rising interest rates.

EasterIsland · 01/02/2023 17:46

You could warn him that his DC are old enough to make their own judgements about his parenting choices. His intentions are a good way for them to despise him.

Soontobe60 · 01/02/2023 17:50

EasterIsland · 01/02/2023 17:46

You could warn him that his DC are old enough to make their own judgements about his parenting choices. His intentions are a good way for them to despise him.

Maybe he is thinking about how HE can also house them? maybe the OP could get a 1 bed flat and let the kids live in the family home with their father?

mackthepony · 01/02/2023 18:10

He sounds grabby

chopc · 01/02/2023 18:30

So what is your solution @Theatreland ? Until kids finish education you live in the family home with the kids and he lives where ? Would you swap places? Live elsewhere and let him keep family home?

BetterFuture1985 · 01/02/2023 18:38

Theatreland · 01/02/2023 16:44

About to instigate divorce proceedings and seeking advice please.

We have 3 kids (19 and 18 - both at uni - plus 15). DH is saying that we will need to sell family home and that we can each buy a 2 bed flat with the proceeds. 15 year old will live with me and DC at uni want to too (they are home 4 months of the year after all) so a 2 bed flat won’t be big enough. DH says courts won’t consider wishes of 18+ student DCs and they won’t consider their housing needs. Surely that can’t be right - they need somewhere to live in uni holidays?! DH says they can just crash in our respective sitting rooms - hardly satisfactory IMO.

What are YOU doing to improve your housing situation? Perhaps you should rent instead of own if you want to provide your adult children somewhere to stay in the university holidays?

Your housing issues aren't your husband's problem anymore I'm afraid. Nor will a settlement consider adult children.

WaddleAway · 01/02/2023 18:40

If there isn’t enough money to go round and too want to stay in the house, where will he live?

VanCleefArpels · 01/02/2023 18:41

You are focussing on purchase. You may need to use the equity to rent somewhere suitable. The court looks at housing needs not your need to buy a house

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 04/02/2023 14:54

I wasn't home anything like four months a year as a student, I spent a lot of time travelling, staying with friends, working in my university town (private rental year round). So I think it's manageable especially as they won't necessarily be home at the same time.

I would look at a room set up for two to share and make it work with two bed flats. Or move to a cheaper area if possible to get a third bedroom

Keepyourmummysboys · 04/02/2023 14:59

A Mesher order is unlikely as you’ve only one child under 18 so a two bed would be fine, the court won’t take into consideration adults. No court will decide one parent and a 15 year old need a 5 bed house.

and for the poster saying it’s a good way to make his kids despise him, so is trying to force your ex to pay for you to live in a five bed house.

ancientgran · 04/02/2023 15:06

You say the 18 year old is a medical student, do they get 4 months holiday a year? I know nursing students don't so seems odd if medics do. Don't they do placements or anything.

Maybe one of them can stay with dad in the holidays.

ancientgran · 04/02/2023 15:12

DelphiniumBlue · 01/02/2023 17:16

Well technically he is correct, but what a knob!
However, best thing you can do in the circumstances is delay any sale for as long as you can. Maybe you might be able to hash things out in mediation?
Is there actually enough money to go round, ie for him to house himself and for you to be able to house the DC, or is it a question of both of you having to go somewhere smaller?

Why is he a knob? She wants the divorce and him presumably homeless. Hardly seems fair.

WoodTrees · 04/02/2023 15:35

Have you looked at pensions? Does he have a bigger pension pot than you? If so, that will need to be shared. You could take a bigger slice of the house equity in return for him keeping his pension.