Page 2 | Do kids at uni still get a home?!

Theatreland · 2023-02-01T16:44:00+00:00

About to instigate divorce proceedings and seeking advice please. We have 3 kids (19 and 18 - both at uni - plus 15). DH is saying that we will need to sell family home and that we can each buy a 2 bed flat with the proceeds. 15 year old will live with me and DC at uni want to too (they are home 4 months of the year after all) so a 2 bed flat won’t be big enough. DH says courts won’t consider wishes of 18+ student DCs and they won’t consider their housing needs. Surely that can’t be right - they need somewhere to live in uni holidays?! DH says they can just crash in our respective sitting rooms - hardly satisfactory IMO.

Iwonder08 · 04/02/2023 15:37

I am not sure what do you expect him to do.. Where is he supposed to live if you stay in a family home or take a lion share of the money so he can't afford anything?

Jebboo · 04/02/2023 15:44

Highly unlikely that a mesher would be given in this situation.

They're very rare anyway, and usually only applied when the person not staying in the house is a v high earner and can afford to house themselves separately.

Judges are really not keen on them.

SnoozyVanWinkle · 04/02/2023 15:45

It seems unreasonable for you to keep a five bedroom house until she's twenty four. If you both get a two bedroom flat she could stay there in the holidays. In his flat.

Decorhate · 04/02/2023 15:55

I read something recently about how important it is for teens/young adults to still have a home base even when they are away at uni - the security/stability that they have a home, especially if things go wrong.

Obviously it’s not always practical to keep on a big family home.

Our youngest is just going back to uni this week after being off for nearly 8 weeks. He’ll probably be home for the best part of 4 months over the summer. Yes some students travel/ work away for all the long holidays (I did in my day) but it’s the exception around here. Sleeping on a sofa bed is not a practical solution.

You need to sort something so that all your children have a bedroom in the new arrangements. If money is the issue, perhaps you could rent out their room when they are away?

NoDatingForOldMen · 04/02/2023 17:30

DelphiniumBlue · 01/02/2023 17:16

Well technically he is correct, but what a knob!
However, best thing you can do in the circumstances is delay any sale for as long as you can. Maybe you might be able to hash things out in mediation?
Is there actually enough money to go round, ie for him to house himself and for you to be able to house the DC, or is it a question of both of you having to go somewhere smaller?

What is a knob ?
delaying the sale as long as possible is the absolute definition if being a knob

Maryquitecontrary55 · 05/02/2023 10:29

There just doesn't seem to be enough money there to do what you want. He needs somewhere to live too. A 2 bedroom flat each sounds fair. If you want anything bigger than that you'll have to fund it yourself.

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/02/2023 10:31

plenty of students never return home after graduating.

GelPens1 · 05/02/2023 10:40

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 04/02/2023 14:54

I wasn't home anything like four months a year as a student, I spent a lot of time travelling, staying with friends, working in my university town (private rental year round). So I think it's manageable especially as they won't necessarily be home at the same time.

I would look at a room set up for two to share and make it work with two bed flats. Or move to a cheaper area if possible to get a third bedroom

Good for you, but when I was a university student (in my mid 20s now) I couldn’t afford to travel around the world. I couldn’t even afford to rent all year round, which is what you would’ve done to have stayed in your university town outside of term time. I had to pay for my rent and all my Uni costs. Parents didn’t pay. I stayed with my parents outside of term time and I didn’t know anyone who didn’t. OP needs at least a 3 bed house/flat so the eldest 2 could share when they’re not at Uni.

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/02/2023 10:47

mine only came home due to the pandemic.
they stayed in their respective uni towns.
worked to pay the rent, or took loans.

Zwicky · 05/02/2023 11:10

As a parent of uni students I would like to know where all the magic accommodation that you only need to pay for during term time is. How working in your university town rather than bumming around at your mums has been spun into an elevated position of unimaginable privilege I don’t know. As for “travelling the world” - you can get a Ryanair flight to many destinations in Europe for less than £20 and rent hostel accommodation for £10-20 a night. There is an environmental and ethical debate to be had around that but the reality of it is it beyond the wit or means of most students working a few hours a week on minimum wage and full time for 4 months of the year. These particular students will have 2 parental homes to visit during weekends and holidays, have the option of staying it their university town, are likely to spend some time “travelling the world” or staying with a friend or working away. It would be lovely if they could all have their own bedroom at “home” to stay in whenever they wanted but having to share a room for an absolute maximum of 4 months a year because a family of 5 is reduced to 4 bedrooms across 2 flats is not a problem worth prolonging a divorce for.

Crazycrazylady · 05/02/2023 11:52

Op.. you're dreaming if you think any court will let you stay in your 5 bed house with one 15 year old child and your stbex lives where exactly. He's not being a knob. There isn't enough money to buy you both three beds so you split the equity between you and do the best you can worth the money you have..

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/02/2023 11:58

it is better to be fair
where will the dc live during breaks from uni?
are you assuming with you?
their df no doubt would like them with him at some point also

Pixiedust1234 · 05/02/2023 12:14

You are getting some odd replies here. I think you need to start focusing on whether you need to stay locally or can live further out in a cheaper area and find a 3 bed place instead. The two uni children will have to double up or take turns. Are there any 3bed shared housing near you?

Also check to see if ex has a decent pension as you have rights to it being split with you, unless yours is of similar value. This includes savings and investments, cars, bikes etc.

LittleBrenda · 05/02/2023 12:25

Good for you, but when I was a university student (in my mid 20s now) I couldn’t afford to travel around the world. I couldn’t even afford to rent all year round, which is what you would’ve done to have stayed in your university town outside of term time. I had to pay for my rent and all my Uni costs. Parents didn’t pay. I stayed with my parents outside of term time and I didn’t know anyone who didn’t. OP needs at least a 3 bed house/flat so the eldest 2 could share when they’re not at Uni.

It's unusual to find accommodation that you don't t have to pay for in the holidays, unless it's halls of residence so you were lucky there. My dd has a job so she can't come home for weeks at a time.

The OP can't afford a three bedroom house, like lots of people can't afford one. Maybe if she rented until they had actually moved out but that seems like a big sacrifice.

WeWereInParis · 05/02/2023 12:34

As a parent of uni students I would like to know where all the magic accommodation that you only need to pay for during term time is. How working in your university town rather than bumming around at your mums has been spun into an elevated position of unimaginable privilege I don’t know.

I agree. There were maybe a few term time only places in halls on campus, but in 2nd and 3rd year it was all 12 month rentals. I'd have loved to have been able to go home rather than stay in uni over the holidays to work but a) I needed the money, and b) I'd have lost the job if I'd disappeared every holiday. It's not a privilege!

Labradooor · 05/02/2023 12:44

how old are you op? Are you taking about the money going as far as buying a 2 bed flat outright?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/02/2023 13:02

He is right - in a settlement it will only be a need to house you and the 15yo. He will also be expected to be able to house the 15yo in the same way.

Mesher orders are almost non-existent now, and really not likely in this case.

QuillBill · 05/02/2023 13:21

I stayed with my parents outside of term time and I didn’t know anyone who didn’t.
I don't know anyone who went home every holiday. Didn't you have a job?

My dd is at university now in her first year and she works on a Thursday evening and on a Saturday. She had to work Christmas Eve and then come home three hours on the megabus because of the train strike and she had to go back on New Year's Eve so she could work the New Year's Day sale day.

WaddleAway · 05/02/2023 13:22

QuillBill · 05/02/2023 13:21

I stayed with my parents outside of term time and I didn’t know anyone who didn’t.
I don't know anyone who went home every holiday. Didn't you have a job?

My dd is at university now in her first year and she works on a Thursday evening and on a Saturday. She had to work Christmas Eve and then come home three hours on the megabus because of the train strike and she had to go back on New Year's Eve so she could work the New Year's Day sale day.

I had a job in my university area in term time, and a job in my home town in holiday time, so went home every holidays.

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 05/02/2023 15:05

GelPens1 · 05/02/2023 10:40

Good for you, but when I was a university student (in my mid 20s now) I couldn’t afford to travel around the world. I couldn’t even afford to rent all year round, which is what you would’ve done to have stayed in your university town outside of term time. I had to pay for my rent and all my Uni costs. Parents didn’t pay. I stayed with my parents outside of term time and I didn’t know anyone who didn’t. OP needs at least a 3 bed house/flat so the eldest 2 could share when they’re not at Uni.

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I worked to pay for my travel and rent. Part of the reason why I stayed in my university town was to work. Year round accommodation was cheaper than halls which were term time.

Ponderingwindow · 05/02/2023 15:20

My parents did something a bit unusual, but I think very wise. I was at university at the time. They put into the agreement that my father had to send me money monthly until I graduated. It was more than they had been giving me to help out with expenses. My mother suspected he would stop paying entirely and he was the much higher earner so she wanted at least the base amount put into their agreement. The increased amount was very helpful. I used that to secure year round housing because neither of them had a place for me to live anymore. I slept on her sofa if I came to visit for a few days which was far from ideal because the place was tiny and the kitchen, dining, and lounge were just one room.

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 15:43

Could you sort out an arrangement so that they all had somewhere to sleep between both flats? So maybe agree DH buys a place that has a bedroom the ones at university can share and you house the 15 year old? I do know it is not ideal.