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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Requirement to work full time

52 replies

bluebellforests · 31/01/2023 22:15

I’m completing my questionnaire for my Form E and his solicitor has stimulated that I need to prove that I have applied for other jobs and that my part-time 3 day a week teaching job is not sufficient etc.

What about our own children? We don’t have a nanny? I have always tried my best so that my own children’s activities are all crammed in on a Thursday. For example, on a Thursday I pick child A from school, drive straight to gymnastics, she gets dressed in the car for that & has something to eat in the car. Gymnastics starts at 4. Then, I drive to 2nd child’s school and pick her up from stem club at 4:45. Then I drive back to the gymnastics and pick child up at 5. Then I drive both home, give a quick dinner. Then, at 5:25 I leave again and take child B to her contemporary dance class. Then at 6:30 I pick her up again. Then bath for both, read etc. Around this time is when ex comes home, just before they go to bed.

I’m upset that my job is now not good enough and that I need to prove that I have applied for higher paying jobs and jobs that are full time.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 31/01/2023 22:16

It's not up to his solicitor to decide. How old are the children?

Coffeellama · 31/01/2023 22:17

I really don’t understand… do you still live with him? What is this proof for exactly?

LizzieMacQueen · 31/01/2023 22:18

Watching with interest.

My husband has made similar remarks but my PT job has suited us (as a couple with 2 dogs) except now it doesn't, when it affects our capital split. I guess that's the same with you and your children's activities.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 31/01/2023 22:29

It's not up to the solicitor to decide that. I would not be responding to that part at all. The assumption is that if you're children are in full time education and there's no special needs or disability involved you will be self supporting seperately from your ex, how you do this isn't any of his business. Unless you're demanding spousal or a court agreement for a mich higher rate of CM or more of the assets based on not working full time it's really none of his business.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 31/01/2023 22:33

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 31/01/2023 22:29

It's not up to the solicitor to decide that. I would not be responding to that part at all. The assumption is that if you're children are in full time education and there's no special needs or disability involved you will be self supporting seperately from your ex, how you do this isn't any of his business. Unless you're demanding spousal or a court agreement for a mich higher rate of CM or more of the assets based on not working full time it's really none of his business.

To add a court could consider your earnings potential in terms of your asset split but I wouldn't be including anything to his lawyer without the court requesting it or your lawyer agreeing you need to supply this.

Original poster
bluebellforests · 31/01/2023 22:33

The children are 7 and 12. The 7 year old have ASD, sensory processing disorder.

I have always been the primary caregiver. Always.

He moved out 6 months ago.

We are now sorting the finances in divorce and have exchanged Form E’s. And then following that, a questionnaire to both sides.

I got some very, very upsetting questions.

it has always suited him that I looked after the children, every school holiday etc. And now, he wants me to confirm that I have NOT been the primary caregiver?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluebellforests · 31/01/2023 22:37

Like, these questions are very upsetting.

Requirement to work full time
Requirement to work full time
Requirement to work full time
OP posts:
GoldDuster · 31/01/2023 22:38

It might be that they woud like you to maximise your earnings, and therefore your mortgage capacity so that they can argue that you need less in the settlement. Same goes with you being the main carer. My ex still to this day won't agree that this is the case, despite it clearly being so.

Don't take it to heart, it's not personal although it feels very much that way.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 31/01/2023 22:48

I wouldn't fill anything in that isn't an official part of form E. I'd ignore it. CAB might be able to provide a general advice on this. Solicitors will write absolutely anything they're paid to, it doesn't mean that it has any legal weight or that there is any legal requirement for you to respond.

KnightonShiningArmour · 01/02/2023 07:48

OP, do you not have a solicitor advising you?

silentpool · 01/02/2023 07:57

If you are to increase to full time, your ex will need to pull his weight with the children - remember they have 2 parents to do the fetching and carrying.

The court will want you to be self supporting and you should want that too, as you will need extra money. Unfortunately as a divorced person, part time is a luxury.

millymollymoomoo · 01/02/2023 07:58

Well, the reality is youre divorcing so things will change and previous lifestyles will change

if you’re capable of working full time then part time is s choice and your ex should not need to fund that choice

plenty of women work full time and we organise children’s activities iin the evenings and weekends

a court would also look to you to maximises your own earnings and look at your earning potential not just what you earn today as part of the aim to break financial ties as quickly and as fairly as possible.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 01/02/2023 08:01

What does your solicitor say? Have you agreed the arrangements for the children?

Morph22010 · 01/02/2023 08:06

I’m not a solicitor so check with them but could you almost turn the question on it’s head, that in order for you to obtain suitable employment you need a concrete plan in place as to what ex will be doing to support looking after the children on the additional days you are working, days they are sick etc. I’ve got a child with asd and we can’t access childcare for him so have to do it between us to enable us both to work full time (we still together) can you even access childcare for asd child?

Wibblewibble1 · 01/02/2023 08:09

bluebellforests · 31/01/2023 22:33

The children are 7 and 12. The 7 year old have ASD, sensory processing disorder.

I have always been the primary caregiver. Always.

He moved out 6 months ago.

We are now sorting the finances in divorce and have exchanged Form E’s. And then following that, a questionnaire to both sides.

I got some very, very upsetting questions.

it has always suited him that I looked after the children, every school holiday etc. And now, he wants me to confirm that I have NOT been the primary caregiver?

Do not agree to this! He wants you to lie for his own Financial gain.

Morph22010 · 01/02/2023 08:11

millymollymoomoo · 01/02/2023 07:58

Well, the reality is youre divorcing so things will change and previous lifestyles will change

if you’re capable of working full time then part time is s choice and your ex should not need to fund that choice

plenty of women work full time and we organise children’s activities iin the evenings and weekends

a court would also look to you to maximises your own earnings and look at your earning potential not just what you earn today as part of the aim to break financial ties as quickly and as fairly as possible.

The trouble is childcare unless you are very lucky is pretty much non existent for Sen children and op says one of her kids has asd. We both work full time but we have one child (with asd) but we’ve arranged it so one of us does pick up and one drop off with jobs hours around. If you are on your own with a Sen child then if can be pretty much impossible to work full time

zoinkss · 01/02/2023 08:26

I went through a financial settlement with my ex fairly recently and there's no way I would have responded to any of those questions. It looks like your ex has demanded his solicitor include these ridiculous questions and his solicitor has gone along with it for the cash.

I'd refer to your solicitor and see what they come up with.

PermanentTemporary · 01/02/2023 08:31

I'd agree you need your solicitor to work on this with you. Never respond by yourself and especially not when you're feeling upset.

It's a shitty, shitty process. Do you have any other support - GP, friends, family, counsellor?

Danikm151 · 01/02/2023 08:34

Those questions seem a bit tit for tat. Do you have anyone advising you?

Towntroubadour · 01/02/2023 08:46

I’d speak to whoever is advising you. Full time would be fine if he’s going to share the load. I’ve got two children with asd and they aren’t able to access any childcare so I work term time only remotely.

Solicitors if paid will send anything even if it has no legal weight to it.

katmarie · 01/02/2023 08:53

Question 31 is bollocks isn't it? 'Parties didn't agree that she was stayng home, it was her preference which he agreed to'. Well then parties agreed then didn't they? She stated a preference, he agreed to it, this is an agreement. I wouldn't respond to any of those questions at all without taking advice from your solicitor first.

Ontheup75 · 01/02/2023 09:10

Ignore!
I knew you'd be a teacher when you mentioned holiday care.
I'm divorced and have increased from 0.5 to 0.8 over 10 years but only when I wanted to, not exH.
Full time is a killer.
Still 0.8 and kids are 13+. Still an after school taxi service!
The only person I talked about increasing earning potential with was the bank when persuading them to let me take over the mortgage - they factored in tax credits on account of me being able to earn more as kids hit 18.
For you, have you checked what benefits you might be able to claim?

Ignore the questions!

NettleTea · 01/02/2023 09:14

dont forget that his solicitor is working to reduce your ex's contribution. Thats their job, however they are not God and they may request the moon on the stick, but that doesnt mean that you need to jump through loops to provide it, nor that the judge, at the end of the day, will decide that moon needs providing either.

Solicitors will just ask for whatever a crazy ex might suggest

It doesnt mean much. You can just get your solicitor (or yourself) to show that you have considered it, but here are the reasons why it wont work

Judges like to keep the statuse quo for children as much as possible. And especially if your child has SEN and childcare is hard/expensive to facilitate, then that makes up alot of the argument.

The division is based upon current and future earnings, and balanced accordingly, so if you try to put yourself in difficulties just to please the ex, the result is just that he gets away with less support for his child. You may not even be able to sustain it. So stick to your guns, and ensure that you state that you will NOT state that you are not the primary caregiver - and give a long list of what your PT position has allowed you to facilitate, including medical/dentist/appointments that you have attended, especially if it highlights how your ex has done nothing

NettleTea · 01/02/2023 09:17

silentpool · 01/02/2023 07:57

If you are to increase to full time, your ex will need to pull his weight with the children - remember they have 2 parents to do the fetching and carrying.

The court will want you to be self supporting and you should want that too, as you will need extra money. Unfortunately as a divorced person, part time is a luxury.

yes, and the ex, at this point, may agree. But sadly for the many many women who have fallen in this trap, they do it to reduce their maintanance/equity split, and then all of a sudden, once the cheques are signed, they fail to live up to their commitments.

best option is to continue as you are, as it was agreed between the two of you, to FACILITATE HIS WORKING FT, while the divorce is being settled.

Its not as if she isnt working at all, and expecting her ex to fund that. She has work that fits around the child, and the childs long term care is likely to seriously impact her future earning capacity.

millymollymoomoo · 01/02/2023 09:54

Im
it saying op has to respond to these and shoujd always be guided by her own solicitor

however sometimes mindsets need to change
things that we’re agreed during a marriage may need to change or be amended if you’re no longer married
its rare for parties to be able to maintain the status quo exactly as operated within a marriage when no longer married. More often than not finances simply don’t allow it, so parties that are sahm as example can no longer be supported to be that, or whereas pt work might be sustainable, even preferable when part of married couple, is not sustainable when divorced

OP needs to think of herself and an independent adult and work out how to financially support herself going forward , one option may be full time, another might be to rely on benefits

we have no idea on the nature of assets or earnings so no one here knows whether he’s being a tosspot or not. It’s not unreasonable for him, for example to not want to pay spousal to support an ex to work full time

that does not detract from op ‘status’ as primary caregiver, which btw, even if working full time would still likely be classified as that, but op should start thinking longer term and how she’ll provide for herself ( whilst receiving a fair split of any assets in a settlement )

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