Requirement to work full time

[bluebellforests]

I’m completing my questionnaire for my Form E and his solicitor has stimulated that I need to prove that I have applied for other jobs and that my part-time 3 day a week teaching job is not sufficient etc.

What about our own children? We don’t have a nanny? I have always tried my best so that my own children’s activities are all crammed in on a Thursday. For example, on a Thursday I pick child A from school, drive straight to gymnastics, she gets dressed in the car for that & has something to eat in the car. Gymnastics starts at 4. Then, I drive to 2nd child’s school and pick her up from stem club at 4:45. Then I drive back to the gymnastics and pick child up at 5. Then I drive both home, give a quick dinner. Then, at 5:25 I leave again and take child B to her contemporary dance class. Then at 6:30 I pick her up again. Then bath for both, read etc. Around this time is when ex comes home, just before they go to bed.

I’m upset that my job is now not good enough and that I need to prove that I have applied for higher paying jobs and jobs that are full time.

to not work full time that should read

Wouldn't having children with special needs put a bit of a different bearing on the situation. Might be worth doing a separate post specifically asking for advice from parents with children with special needs who have been through divorce to find out how their settlements etc were impacted.

If questions are from other sides solicitor they can be totally ridiculous at times so best get your own solicitor to be fighting your side if thats all that is.

I wouldn't anwser these questions but you can't expect to get divorced and not have to finance your own life more.

Having school aged children is not a bar to full time work, its a privilege if you can afford it. Sounds like you can't going forward.

What do you do for childcare after school on the 3 days that you work?

It's fine to work part time, I guess, but not if he's expected to make up the shortfall. I work full time and do my children's activities in the evening and weekends.

Sounds like he’s angling to pay less,
agree to 50:50 then drop it down to weekends only.

You don’t have to answer those questions. But you do have to be able to refute any claim you could work longer hours to maximise your income. I honestly don’t think the pick up and drop off to after school activities will do it. Especially if he says he will do it or he will arrange it.

Nor, is there any point in saying it was something agreed in the marriage. A lot of things were agreed in the marriage but neither of you can be held to them anymore. Primarily because you only needed one home. Now you need two.

The argument probably lies somewhere in the needs of the 7year old, depending on what they are. Again don’t leave yourself open to him offering to take over some of what you did in the past so you can work longer hours.

Question 31 is bullshit. He literally says "I didn't agree" and then in the next sentence says "I agreed". So that doesn't mean anything. I'd run it all past your solicitor. Why would he need you to prove you are full time? As long as you aren't asking for spousal maintenance then what difference does it make to him how you are supporting yourself?

The requirement is to maximise your earnings when considering spousal maintenance I was told. I work pt so my spousal maintenance was worked out as if I earned my hourly rate (low) full time. This doesn't affect child maintenance as that's worked out on contact days.

Essentially you ex shouldn't have to fund your choice to be pt that's the premise I was told. I'm fine as I've worked my finances out ok

It’s also about assets splits, eg, could she raise a mortgage if full time that allows herself not to require mesher/ or 55% assets vs 60% etc if she were full time not part time this her ‘needs’ reduce

OP - do you have a solicitor? Do not answer any of that without proper legal advice.

There are a couple of things I’d pick up on like he says he spent the same on himself as on the family - but that is comparing his spending on himself to his spending on three people. Which means less on those people obviously.

it also might be reasonable (if he is proposing 50/50 childcare including school holidays) to eventually agree that you’ll increase hours over a period of time - eg when both are in secondary school, depending on SEN.

Otherwise is there an argument that, if you are doing the big bulk of school holiday daytime care, your p/t working actually represents an equal split of “time off”? Not sure if that makes sense.

He sounds awful and not in the least interested in what’s best for the children. Of source it would be very upsetting to receive that document - totally understand that. Do not do ANYTHING without proper, ongoing legal help

Have you taken legal advice. What is your solicitor saying. I'd say nothing. That Q 28 & 29 would seriously hack me off. What a dick.

31 is fucking laughable. I actually did chortle.

I don't know, but do you legally have to respond to these ridiculous questions ?
If not I'd just ignore them.

If you have fed children, done their laundry, dropped off and collected from school, taken them to medical appointments etc then you are their primary carer. I would ask your solicitor to write back pointing this out and asking for any evidence he has to disprove this fact.

When you were married you both did things to suit your circumstances eg you working part time. As you divorce this will change. You will need to maximise your earnings for you and DC. If you have shared care 3 night one week and 2 other week and every other weekend it will be for your stbexh to do school runs, feeding, laundry and all activities that fall on his days. This will give you time on evenings you don't have DC to do laundry, batch cooking etc. If DC live with you 4 days in week and every other weekend stbxh will have to pay maintenance for DC. I think you will need to work full time for your pension contributions going forward.

If child with additional needs can be left on their own at either gymnastics or Stem/dance then clearly they can cope without you and could be cared for after school or attend extra after school clubs. You will be available for childcare over school holidays so you won't have to try to find/pay for care then.

Are you applying for spousal maintenance?

@LemonTT has given good advice.

You need a solicitor to respond to the questions - lawyers can ask anything they want; you need one to inform you what you need to reply to, and what you can ignore. The other side will dress it up all all being mandatory

TBH, if you’ve made these ‘allegations’ about your ex’s spending habits, I’m not surprised they’ve come back at you with their questions about working full time. It’s a bit of tit for tat and you come across as being as petty as him.
Whilst working part time has been beneficial for you, now it’s not practical from a financial point of view. Most full time working parents arrange their children’s out of school activities around their working hours.

I missed these; yes these are petty.

This is all just costing you both money in lawyer fees and wasting time.

You can work as much or as little as you like. The catch is that you can't then make someone else deal with the downsides of your choices, whether that's working all hours and paying for childcare or working very few hours and having very little money to live on.

In divorce, the settlement is based on your earning capacity, not what you actually earn. It would be reasonable to expect you to work full time and impute your income on that basis; a few lifts after 4pm once a week hardly justifies working only three days a week! If you then choose to only work 3 days a week that is your choice, but he would not be expected to give you more of the assets or to pay you maintenance because of your choice.

Remember, you're divorcing this person. He is no longer responsible for funding the lifestyle you want. His duty only extends to providing what you need that you cannot provide for yourself. As a teacher who is more than capable of working full time, that's going to be little to nothing.

This is a very valid point. My recently degree educated ex-wife tried to claim she needed a Mesher Order because she wanted to work part time only in a job that only required a level 3 qualification for the next 12 years and wouldn't be able to get a mortgage. I gathered the following:

1. Evidence of the hours she could work;
2. Evidence of the income should could earn;
3. Evidence of what mortgage she could raise.

Even though universal credit rules meant she wouldn't be much better off working more, it increased her mortgage capacity and she was expected to do that. She was advised by her own solicitor to not pursue a Mesher Order or a transfer with charge back because any settlement she got from a court would be based on what she could earn, not what she wanted to earn.

This is just what solicitors do. Don't take any notice.

They do have a point though; you have the opportunity to increase your income. Financing your DC is something you both need to do.

Would you be prepared to step away from teaching if FT is too much for you?

How often does he have the DC? Can he have them more to allow you to work?

He's got a point through hasn't he? Working part time is a huge luxury when you are divorcing and dropping to a single income and when your children are primary age?

I'm going through a divorce. Ex H has never maximised his income although he could (in my mind) easily do so if he could be bothered and/or took some responsibility. I'm not here to pick up the bill now we are no longer together. I happily paid the cost of our life together when we were married as the main earner but he wanted out so that's up to him.

An inherent part of caring for a child is the ability to support a child financially to provide food, shelter, medical care, clothing, etc. It seems a bit disingenuous to say that a person is the primary carer when they do not provide any of those things without which a child could not live.
The person staying home and facilitating movement , transportation, and participation in daily activities should be viewed as a co-carer not a primary carer.

Exactly. I'm pretty sure the outcome of White v White also talked about equal contributions. Not that the person who stayed at home was a super human who did everything. Yet that seems to be how the outcome has become skewed in the public psychy in the years since that ruling!

When a couple divorce, the roles naturally have to shift. The person who went to work has to do more at home and the person who didn't go to work has to get a job. That's inevitable when there is a need for two homes rather than one and when access to children must be shared.

As everyone else has said, you need a solicitor. I agree that your questions are a bit petty too - "fancy restaurants?!". In any case, you both need to look forward not back. I don't know what you've agreed in terms of splitting of childcare, but if its 50/50 you need to work around that.

I have primary care and work full time. I wouldn't have expected to do otherwise. What you did when you were both together isn't relevant. Taking a day off to facilitate going to unnecessary clubs at 4pm is a luxury that you will probably have to forgo, unless you and your ex can decide that they are necessary for the good of the children.

Don't answer the questions and go and take legal advice. The investment in that (if you can afford it) is well worth it and you'll end up with a better settlement.

The ASD child is also a red herring if they're going to a mainstream school and high functioning. I have a high functioning ASD child too and that wasn't taken into account. My friend, who has a child with significant disabilities, did get that taken into account in the financial settlement - she (my friend) still has to work full time though!