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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Meeting exh to discuss settlement

33 replies

ordered · 30/01/2023 13:43

I believe that we can come to an settlement ourselves.
Our situation is a little different as I have a valuable pension and he doesn't.
I have inherited a small amount of land with planning permission... vaulted at £ 100k.
He doesn't have a pension nor potential or present inheritance .

I have out kids all the time.
They don't want to overnight with him but will Chat to them when they see him or will have a lunch or coffee etc.
He pays me maintenance worth £500 per month all in.
This was decided when they stayed with him eow and two evening a week. They are all teens now and want to be urban, in their own rooms with their own friends and bedrooms and stuff.
He can't offer that.
He is also a strict disciplinarian and authoritarian in his approach . I am not but he is unable to cope with any teen behaviour so there has been inevitable shouting and roaring at them.
Their relationship with their dad is fractious at best.
Our house is worth £300k. We pay 50/50 mortgage each and paid same deposit from day one.
He says he will forego a claim on my pension or property if I agree to 50%equity.
He is possibly the most oppositional man I know , difficult , awkward Amd can be quite nasty at times .
My children have special needs and are making progress.
My own mental health can be a bit compromised at times so I do t know if I could mentally cope with a huge protracted nasty case with lots of mudslinging and then handing over approx £ 24k to legal team for the privilege!
I am financially independent and have a full time permanent pensionable job with a very high pension so I won't be left wanting .
I can downsize when the time comes to sell or buy him out

He stands to gain approx £ 123k in total if I give him Half pension and half proceeds of the site and worse again , I will have to sell the site , which I'm reluctant to do as it's family land also.
As I said d he will forego this if I agree t☝️ half equity.
I would also get court order for education expenses and maintenance in the future .
WWYD .

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 30/01/2023 14:11

So all he’s wanting us half house equity ??
If so snap his hand off
you do t say what your respective earnings are but based on the limited info above it sounds like he’d definitely have a good claim to that and the other assets

Original poster
ordered · 30/01/2023 14:17

I earn £ 60k .
He's recently self Employed eg a year so he has very little and is probably undisclosed.
He pays his own rent and bills etc, maintenance and half our mortgage.
So you think it's a good proposal yes?

OP posts:
RB68 · 30/01/2023 14:25

Sounds great but make sure the children with needs are protected beyond the usual 18 or 21 thats all.

Coffeellama · 30/01/2023 14:28

So he just wants his 50% equity of the house? And nothing else? If that’s correct I think it sounds more than fair to be honest.

Original poster
ordered · 30/01/2023 14:39

That's it
My legal team argue that as I have kids full time and he 'only' pays £500 per month in total For the three kids that I should seek much higher equity.
I dont Want the stress

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 30/01/2023 14:41

I’m surprised you’ve been advised that, and if he doesn’t earn much then 500 is potentially more than the minimum. How’s he ever going to have a chance at providing his children with the space they need if he can’t sort his own living arrangements properly? I think you are right, going after more would cause a lot more stress and you may loose out.

Original poster
ordered · 30/01/2023 14:43

He has the space for the kids but it's cramped and Miserable and they dont want to go for lots of reasons but I'm hoping that a judge will not look into that too much

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 30/01/2023 14:45

How much equity is in the house and what’s the value of your pension?

MsMarch · 30/01/2023 14:47

I would take this deal. Is he living in the house or paying the mortgage while you and the kids live there? And then on top, also paying £500 maintenance? As you're married, I think you'd struggle to convince a judge that the inheritance and pension should be treated separately, AND he's still paying into the mortgage so to me, this seems like a really really good deal.

He might insist though that the house be sold as soon as the third child leaves school as he'd want the equity so you should agree under what conditions, and when, the house can be sold in advance. Also, if you're going to continue living in the house, who is responsible for maintenance, insurance etc.

GerbilsForever24 · 30/01/2023 14:48

He "only" pays £500 a month? If he's also paying the mortgage, but isn't living there, then this seems like a pretty good deal to me.

Original poster
ordered · 30/01/2023 14:52

My pension / site would be worth £ 123k to him I think .
Equity is £250k at present .

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 30/01/2023 15:13

So half of £250 equity plus a further £123k = just short of £250k

Original poster
ordered · 30/01/2023 15:32

He just wants half equity . That's it

OP posts:
PizzaPastaWine · 30/01/2023 15:44

I'd snap his hand off OP.

ArcticSkewer · 30/01/2023 15:46

Why are you being advised to ask for more than half the house equity if you then would have to share your pension? That can't surely be a better deal?
Did your solicitor understand the full picture of assets?

blobby10 · 30/01/2023 15:51

Don't forget that the equity is whats left after legal fees, estate agents etc etc. Don't agree to a sum and end up paying for all those other costs yourself.

Original poster
ordered · 30/01/2023 16:36

Because I have the kids full time and they suggested more equity because he had a history of delaying payments and sometimes refusing outright to pay for kids fees . I think they wanted to tie it up into one sun through equity

OP posts:
PizzaPastaWine · 30/01/2023 16:50

You run the risk of him going after your pension/equity/and land. I wouldn't open myself up to that.

You say you earn well and he earns very little and has no pension. This would be taken into account by the judge surely?

How old are your DC OP?

Original poster
ordered · 30/01/2023 16:51

I think he earns well' under the table' but going down that route would prolong time and expense . He still would t warm as much as me in any event .

OP posts:
PizzaPastaWine · 30/01/2023 17:00

250k equity
100k land

Even without your pension sharing it is 35/65.

Still seems like a good deal to me.

What fees for the DC do you need him to cover?

Livinghappy · 30/01/2023 17:04

How old are the teens? Are you in England?

Sounds a good deal and solicitor maybe trying to elongate the process

harriethoyle · 30/01/2023 17:10

Make sure that, if you agree something that you get it formalised in a consent order @ordered . I've known several people fall foul of this, having thought things done and dusted.

RandomMess · 30/01/2023 17:16

If your inheritance has never contributed to the family pot that should be excluded - have your solicitors confirmed that.

If he's crap with paying maintenance you can guarantee that after the one year is up he'll refuse and only pay CMS rate SadAngry

Original poster
ordered · 30/01/2023 18:54

I would hate any mudslinging .
The kids want to be at home in their own home in their own rooms so don't stay with him much. They see him now and again. He lives rurally so they don't want to be at his. He can be shouty and cross so if that is mentioned in court all hell will break loose and then I'm open to hassle as it will be a case of what I've done to support their relationship etc etc .
For the record, I've done everything to encourage their relationship .
They love him and will come round but knee deep in teenage years doesn't lend itself to hanging around his house for weekends doing nothing, too well.

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 30/01/2023 18:55

How old are they?