Meeting exh to discuss settlement

[ordered]

I believe that we can come to an settlement ourselves.
Our situation is a little different as I have a valuable pension and he doesn't.
I have inherited a small amount of land with planning permission... vaulted at £ 100k.
He doesn't have a pension nor potential or present inheritance .

I have out kids all the time.
They don't want to overnight with him but will Chat to them when they see him or will have a lunch or coffee etc.
He pays me maintenance worth £500 per month all in.
This was decided when they stayed with him eow and two evening a week. They are all teens now and want to be urban, in their own rooms with their own friends and bedrooms and stuff.
He can't offer that.
He is also a strict disciplinarian and authoritarian in his approach . I am not but he is unable to cope with any teen behaviour so there has been inevitable shouting and roaring at them.
Their relationship with their dad is fractious at best.
Our house is worth £300k. We pay 50/50 mortgage each and paid same deposit from day one.
He says he will forego a claim on my pension or property if I agree to 50%equity.
He is possibly the most oppositional man I know , difficult , awkward Amd can be quite nasty at times .
My children have special needs and are making progress.
My own mental health can be a bit compromised at times so I do t know if I could mentally cope with a huge protracted nasty case with lots of mudslinging and then handing over approx £ 24k to legal team for the privilege!
I am financially independent and have a full time permanent pensionable job with a very high pension so I won't be left wanting .
I can downsize when the time comes to sell or buy him out

He stands to gain approx £ 123k in total if I give him Half pension and half proceeds of the site and worse again , I will have to sell the site , which I'm reluctant to do as it's family land also.
As I said d he will forego this if I agree t☝️ half equity.
I would also get court order for education expenses and maintenance in the future .
WWYD .

19 15 and 13

Does he still legally have to pay maintenance for the 19 year old?

Yes until finished education

It’s the deal of the century.

As others have said - the only way you would protect your pension from future claims is to have the arrangement drawn up into a financial consent order (clean break) and approved by the court.

However, a word of warning, you might find a judge could think differently and that the terms aren’t a fair outcome for the other side. You could be asked to revisit it before an order is made.

Whilst the needs of children of the marriage have a significant weighting, it’s not the only determining factor.

In my case for example - I have custody of our 2 young children. But I was also the higher earner. I receive no child maintenance, gave away almost 75% of the proceeds of sale from the marital home and have also lost 50% of my pension. What’s fair in the eyes of the law varies considerably. Every case is different and the family court has an almost limitless discretion.

Hi - Do you mind if i ask what the broad outline was for that kind of settlement?

My ex has pretty severe MH problems. Unable to work. When they did work I earned 3-4 times more.

Main asset from the marriage was equity in the house. We both needed enough for a deposit each to re-house in similar sized accommodation. My earning capacity is far higher, which meant even though I have the kids, I was able to obtain a mortgage for much more, which meant I needed less of the equity from the sale of the house.

We also decided it was better for my ex to receive more to write-off any claims for spousal maintenance.

It never really comes down to who contributed what. It’s almost always based on needs, and what those needs are at the point of separation.

To be honest, if you can save yourself time and money and aggro going through all
of the incredibly stressful motions of divorce, negotiations, solicitors etc this is worth quite a lot in my opinion. If you are ok with this deal, can live and support yourself and the children it sounds like a good deal. Consider solicitors will happily take your money to act on your behalf but it could take absolutely years, turn adversarial and he may then go after a lot more.

If you can come to an agreement yourself I would wholly advise this. You will pay a small fortune for a solicitor to sort your divorce and the agreed settlement figures whereas if your soon to be ExH and yourself are both in agreement to an amount I would definitely apply online and just ask a solicitor to draft the consent order (financial order/clean break) ... Very similar situation to me except the opposite way around. I didn't want any hassle or any extra money other than the house equity split evenly and I have just completed it all very easily and amicably online. I found and used a firm in Cardiff for the consent order as they were by far the most reasonable and the judge agreed to what was in our consent order (there was some doubt as the judge could have said I hadn't received enough as I didn't go for pension/business etc) but it went through okay. In total it has cost me just over £1k. If you can sort it yourself definitely do it, if I can, anyone can!