Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

He keeps coming back

29 replies

BellKira · 25/01/2023 13:57

hi everyone, to cut a long story short, my partner walked out on me and our children a while ago. He keeps returning to the house daily and says it’s for the kids.
we are both on the mortgage although he pays all the bills.
I feel like whilst he keeps coming back ‘for the kids’ each day, I cannot move on from this break up. He is adamant that he can do what he wants as it’s his house.
am I being unreasonable asking him to not come here? I’m at my wits end with what to do. I would never stop him seeing the kids but how am I meant to move on when he is in the house every day?
tysm

OP posts:
peaceandpotato · 25/01/2023 13:58

Ask him to just come once a week. He doesn’t live there any more.

Original poster
BellKira · 25/01/2023 14:01

I have tried to ask him not to come every day but he insists on not messing up the childrens routine. Something in him has changed the last month and he isn’t the same person he used to be. 😩 I now worry what I say as everything he turns into an argument. Thank you for replying

OP posts:
peaceandpotato · 25/01/2023 14:04

Has he got a key? Can you change the lock

OriGanOver · 25/01/2023 14:06

I don't think legally you can change the locks.

I'd probably ring his mum 😂 sorry, not laughing at your situation. What an absolute knob! Total power play. Maybe get a fake boyfriend to hang out with you in the house?

LittleLegoWoman · 25/01/2023 14:08

You need an income and a house he has no rights tl

MintJulia · 25/01/2023 14:09

If he's on the deeds and there isn't any question of DV or coercive control, I'm not sure you can stop him. It's his house as much as it is yours.

What are your plans for legally separating and selling the house?

HedgeWench · 25/01/2023 14:12

If he is named on the mortgage and paying for it then there's not much you can do.

You need to sell the house and split the equity.

Peach2021 · 25/01/2023 14:15

He will be confusing the kids as well as upsetting you...can you suggest he takes them out rather than being in the house with them (I had to do this with my ex as I hated having him there)? And then, as other posters have said, get on with selling the house.

Mirroredlove · 25/01/2023 15:08

Sell the house, it’s the only way.

why did he leave? Is he at yours all evening? Does he sleep there?

Original poster
BellKira · 25/01/2023 18:12

Yeah definitely cannot change the locks.

He is currently staying at his mums so not an option as she is a dick.
so crappy 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 25/01/2023 18:14

What’s your plan? You need to file for divorce and get the house sold and finances and contact arrangements sorted properly. It’s his house too, neither of you is moving things forward and you need to.

Original poster
BellKira · 25/01/2023 18:16

Also, i think it is confusing the kids massively but he seems to think it’s no different for them as he’s not there during the day anyway.
I just can’t go on like this, it’s making me ill.
he is so hot and cold so it’s not like he comes and we can avoid each other or get on. He makes so many digs all the time even though it was him who done wrong and left us.
I am pretty confident he won’t sell the house.
I am happy to walk away with nothing, I just need money to pay for somewhere to live. And a solution for telling him to not keep coming back without him losing the plot 🤦🏼‍♀️

thanks everyone for the replies!

OP posts:
Original poster
BellKira · 25/01/2023 18:18

He only left a few weeks ago.
we aren’t married, he pays everything as I haven’t worked since having the children. I am on the mortgage and paid towards deposit when we got our house. I feel like he wants the best of both worlds. Can have the family life when it suits him. But I can’t stop him coming to the house when it suits him 🤷🏼‍♀️ And have no money to leave and start fresh. I am in the process of finding out what help o can get from benefits etc

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 25/01/2023 18:21

You need to apply for UC asap. Then start looking for a job x

Original poster
BellKira · 25/01/2023 18:26

Should I leave the house when I’ve sorted an income?

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 25/01/2023 18:27

You need to see a solicitor OP. He doesn't have to agree to sell the house as you own half of it and he left.

Sign up for UC and see a solicitor about shared access to the children and so on - he is deliberately keeping reigns on you and it will get much worse if you don't stop it now.

Isheabastard · 25/01/2023 18:36

Can you go to another room and just ignore him completely, or have a very noisy vacuuming session?

Soothsayer1 · 25/01/2023 18:42

I would consult a solicitor about how to get your share of the equity from the house, ultimately I think you need to find a place to live for you and the children to which he has no right of access, and never let him over the threshold, also have some arrangement for him to pay maintenance for the children.
Try to keep communications in writing as much as possible

AubadeIsIt · 25/01/2023 18:46

Please don't accept to walk away with nothing even though it seems like the easier option. You'll need as much as you can have to re-house yourself and your children and they are entitled to that help. Try to think long term. Sounds like he's putting mental pressure on you by coming to the house like that. And it's he who left? What a dick. Stay strong, you won't regret it when the dust has settled.Flowers

AubadeIsIt · 25/01/2023 18:47

Soothsayer1 · 25/01/2023 18:42

I would consult a solicitor about how to get your share of the equity from the house, ultimately I think you need to find a place to live for you and the children to which he has no right of access, and never let him over the threshold, also have some arrangement for him to pay maintenance for the children.
Try to keep communications in writing as much as possible

Both their names are on the deed. Why should three people, including his children, move out and he stays? And it's he who left? He needs to give you the keys and fuck off until the sale goes through.

forrestgreen · 25/01/2023 18:52

Go see a solicitor, get onto universal credit and start a claim

Knackeredmommy · 25/01/2023 18:54

If he's there to see the kids, leave him to it and do something else, try not to react to him trying to goad you, and seek legal advice asap

LittleLegoWoman · 25/01/2023 18:55

If you are both named on the mortgage and you contributed to the deposit it’s highly likely you can get 50% of the equity in the house. He can’t just take that, it’s yours.
Because you aren’t married that’s all you will be entitled to, plus child support based on current incomes and the parenting split.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 25/01/2023 18:57

When I moved out I was told by my solicitor I could legally collect stuff at a mutually agreed time but was no longer legally able to come and go.

Nixynic · 25/01/2023 18:59

Could you go out while he is visiting the kids? Go to the gym, go out for a walk, go to the weekly shop, pop over to a friend or family.
And see a Solicitor as soon as possible to start getting an agreed visitation schedule and divorce processing started.