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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I’ve seen his form E finances and WOW

32 replies

Nonagainst · 23/01/2023 15:01

I don’t know why I’m posting here, shock I guess?

I called it before we exchanged documents and said he would be giving money to his new woman and low and behold I was right.

Since sep 2022 he’s given her nearly £3000 and I’m in shock. At one point he gave her more money in a week than I get from him in a month. They’ve been together since Aug 2022. So why he doesn’t think this is odd Behaviour is weird to me.

Aside from that his spending has been off the charts since he left (he was a big spender before but this is actually insane). Since he left in July, he’s gone on holidays, spent obscene amounts on takeaways and nights out and ticket master of all places (I assume they were Xmas gifts to his new girlfriend and her kids).

I need to speak to my solicitor I know but I’m just in a state of shock. Seeing all this money being blown away whilst I worry constantly about what my child and I are going to do (he’s the child’s father) as my STBEXH wants the house sold asap.

I’m just so hurt

OP posts:
Tallulah28 · 23/01/2023 15:06

If he left you in July then why are you concerned with what he spends his money on in the September following that? Is it money in a joint account or his own money? Because if it’s his own then surely you have no right to be outraged at how he chooses to spend it?

arethereanyleftatall · 23/01/2023 15:09

Tallulah28 · 23/01/2023 15:06

If he left you in July then why are you concerned with what he spends his money on in the September following that? Is it money in a joint account or his own money? Because if it’s his own then surely you have no right to be outraged at how he chooses to spend it?

Because they haven't split the family money yet...

LittleLegoWoman · 23/01/2023 15:10

It’s because he’s an arsehole who doesn’t want you to have what he sees as his money so he’s happy to spend as much as he can reasonably spend now so there’s less for you and him to split.

Original poster
Nonagainst · 23/01/2023 15:11

Tallulah28 · 23/01/2023 15:06

If he left you in July then why are you concerned with what he spends his money on in the September following that? Is it money in a joint account or his own money? Because if it’s his own then surely you have no right to be outraged at how he chooses to spend it?

I’m not outraged, I’m hurt.

He left my son and I with nothing and now I see how much money he had and has been spending on the woman he cheated on me with, it’s hard.

Genuinely can’t believe you struggle to understand why your ex husband blowing money away whilst my son and I are financially buggered wouldn’t leave me upset???

OP posts:
Original poster
Nonagainst · 23/01/2023 15:13

arethereanyleftatall · 23/01/2023 15:09

Because they haven't split the family money yet...

Show quote history

Thank you. This is it too. All our money is with him and in his name and I don’t know if he’s syphoning money off to her to hide it or if he’s just actually giving to her but it bloody stings whatever he’s doing.

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 23/01/2023 15:15

At least he has admitted it on his form E.

For old people this would be called intentional deprivation of assets....

Original poster
Nonagainst · 23/01/2023 15:15

LittleLegoWoman · 23/01/2023 15:10

It’s because he’s an arsehole who doesn’t want you to have what he sees as his money so he’s happy to spend as much as he can reasonably spend now so there’s less for you and him to split.

Yeah I think you’re 100% right. This whole process has broken me but seeing the excessive spending and her name on his bank statements really choked me. I knew he’d do it too (he’s quite malicious) but he even put a descriptive name for her account on his bank statements as ‘sexy girl’ - he knew I’d see this and I just want the world to swallow me up.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 23/01/2023 15:16

If you have proof of his spending, can you go for a split of the assets as they were in July?

Original poster
Nonagainst · 23/01/2023 15:16

arethereanyleftatall · 23/01/2023 15:16

If you have proof of his spending, can you go for a split of the assets as they were in July?

If I’m honest I have no idea. I’ll speak to my solicitor and ask her that but that’s a good question. Thank you.

OP posts:
LexMitior · 23/01/2023 15:36

He can't not admit it and btw he will be in some hot water with the court about it. All he has done, hurtful though it is, is shown he has the capacity to pay maintenance.

You need to counteract this with clear, financial needs of your own. Do not scrimp on your needs and of your children.

I've seen hooked, thousands in computers, holidays, jewelry, the lot. These men still had to pay up but he's telling you that he's not going to be reasonable. It's like poker, but you need to defeat this behaviour with clear evidence of your financial needs.

Hookers, computers and holidays do not qualify!

LexMitior · 23/01/2023 15:37

Btw the name thing is quite common too! Expect the judge to see it. It won't be good for him.

He's not even an original twat!

Potluck22 · 23/01/2023 15:49

When did you seperate? Counselling may help you come to terms with it. Hard to fathom though i know when someone shocks you in a really bad way. Some men just try to punish their exes with finances. Try to not emotionally engage whilst getting to the bottom of what you are entitled to.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/01/2023 15:57

I've been thinking about this a bit this avo, and goodness me, what an absolute twit. He has done this to spite you, both the sexy girl and the spending, but goodness me, in full view of the solicitors, you should be having the last laugh here. Give him more rope if at all possible to continue hanging himself.

WhatsTheStoryThisTime · 23/01/2023 16:18

Feel for you OP. I think financial disclosure tells a story of an individual and although hurtful, seeing this on paper will prove even further to you what a tosser he is and you are doing the right thing in divorcing him.

Im a few steps behind you and awaiting the court to request the disclosure - I know it will be hurtful but I’m looking forward to showing him for who he is. In the last 12 months ExH has had 4 holidays abroad, changed his car three times, had a hair transplant and purchased a Louis Vuitton hold-all. All whilst I’m contemplating whether I can put the heating on.

Please keep the thread updated, I’d like to know what solicitors/judges make of his behaviour! Good luck x

SueVineer · 23/01/2023 16:33

I’m not sure what your point is- do you think he’s trying to hide money? Whether or not he is extravagant will not matter to the court generally

RudsyFarmer · 23/01/2023 16:36

He’s trying to keep her by lavishing her with money/gifts/holidays. Not the best start to a new relationship. I would expect the excitement and money to wear out pretty quickly.

yousmellnice · 23/01/2023 16:41

Maybe they went on a nice romantic get away and he's paying her back?

It will be fine though if he's got cash to give her the courts will know he could be giving some of that to you.

yousmellnice · 23/01/2023 16:42

P.S. I wouldn't read too much into the references he's just flirting with her not necessarily trying to get at you. It's a bit cringe though. I've written jolly messages like thanks for dinner to my sister and then realised they'll be on my mortgage statement

yousmellnice · 23/01/2023 16:43

Statement when applying for a mortgage even

Original poster
Nonagainst · 23/01/2023 16:59

SueVineer · 23/01/2023 16:33

I’m not sure what your point is- do you think he’s trying to hide money? Whether or not he is extravagant will not matter to the court generally

The first line of my original post is that I don’t know why i’m posting it and that I’m just in shock. There’s no point I’m just hurt.

OP posts:
Potluck22 · 23/01/2023 17:35

If you only split in July, it's understandable you are reeling. Did you split savings etc already? If not you might want to start pushing for that now and trying to get him to agree. Court stuff can take ages but imagine you should have some recourse if it is joint assets he is frittering.

Swimmingpoolsally · 23/01/2023 17:40

Op you’re getting some shockingly bad advice on here. No judge gives a flying Toss how he spends his own money . Law is not punitive in this way. All that matters is his income savings etc and a fair split of joint assets. Child maintenance is handled separately

of course if he was spending joint savings it would be different, but you’ve not said this. But if he wants to give a new partner money as long as it’s not from joint savings then he can. I’m sorry.

Original poster
Nonagainst · 23/01/2023 17:42

Potluck22 · 23/01/2023 17:35

If you only split in July, it's understandable you are reeling. Did you split savings etc already? If not you might want to start pushing for that now and trying to get him to agree. Court stuff can take ages but imagine you should have some recourse if it is joint assets he is frittering.

Unfortunately he spent all our savings (nearly £10,000) on furnishing his new rented flat. I’m getting by each month and trying to save money for the inevitable sale of the house. Just so sore from this all.

OP posts:
Swimmingpoolsally · 23/01/2023 17:43

yousmellnice · 23/01/2023 16:41

Maybe they went on a nice romantic get away and he's paying her back?

It will be fine though if he's got cash to give her the courts will know he could be giving some of that to you.

That’s not how divorce works. It’s very rare that spousal maintenance is awarded now, but it is certainly not hey if you’ve spare cash for holidays give your ex some.

LexMitior · 23/01/2023 17:46

Ah but it does matter. Child maintenance falls within the ambit of the court after a certain salary level.

And then each party will or should have indicated what costs they will need for spousal and child maintenance. So this will matter if the OP is in that situation.

However, don't expect a judge to comment on specific spending. But they do read and note such things for themselves!