Exh refusing to return DD for another day

[helplesshopeless]

My exh is threatening to keep my daughter another night tomorrow (she is at his 6/14 nights and comes back to me on Sunday nights after his weekend).

He says if I come to pick her up he will call the police. What’s the best way to deal with this? I don’t want to unsettle her by turning up at his but I can’t let him just decide to change the pattern. She's expecting to come back to me for dinner tomorrow as normal. How do I go about this wisely? Do I just file for a court order if he doesn't bring her back?

He has PR so the police won't be interested if I call.

I think you need to play the smart and long term game here.

Send a message as a pp said, outlining that he's refusing to being her home, and it's outside of what was agreed with the solicitor, after every conversation do the same, especially around contact and also can 'dear x, as discussed you ate refusing to pay cm. As you stated if I applied via cms you'd apply for 50% contact' etc etc. then go via the courts to arrange a contact schedule

It's time to take control op. He's using your love for your dc to abuse you further

I've reported the below post for mentioning her name

Reposting without dd's name!! Thanks @mumsnet for deleting so quickly.

Honestly it's exhausting. He plays games all the time. When we were first splitting up he recorded himself saying 'you've just told me you won't allow me to see DD ever again' and would send emails saying things like 'thanks for agreeing to 50/50, looking forward to agreeing next steps' and so on. He's a whirlwind of toxicity. I've had so much solicitors advice and it doesn't help. He knows that he can get away with this and the only way I can stop it is by applying for a court order, which will more than likely give him 50/50. He has so much more money than me so court fees won't be an issue for him, but they will be for me.

I'm sat waiting for her return and it doesn't look likely now :(

The annoying thing about the timing of this is that I took her out to an event yesterday (long ago agreed as part of Christmas schedule negotiations). So she spent the afternoon with me and hopefully won't be missing me as much. So it's going to be more difficult for me to gauge tomorrow whether she's managed ok with 3 nights away or whether it's something I should continue to push back on for her own good.

Such a bloody mess!

I hope this will reassure you somewhat but courts don't automatically give 50/50. My DH has been wanting it for years but the court won't give it him. Been no issues regards safety (albeit step son saying his dad hurt him which was not true) but courts very much like the status quo unless there is a good reason to change things.

Was she due back today? If he refuses to bring her back, you need to get a court application in as soon as possible so that her living with him does not become the status quo.

Not being funny, but why (if she’s happy and safe there) won’t you let her stay and let him look after her half the time? Have I missed something?

It sounds like he’s treating you badly tonight, and he shouldn’t be using a child as a pawn.

But I don’t understand why 6/14 is so much better for you than 7/14. How much extra stability does that 1 extra night really bring your DD? Would 50/50 really be detrimental to your DD, or only to you (your sense of being the ‘main’ parent etc)?

Claim CMS . Let him take you to court, at least then he has to stick to the days that's been set. If it gets decided it's 50/50 it's not really so different in terms of time to what's going on now, just more ordered.