If partner (married) has solicitor should you?

[bowtiedgarlic]

Just that really. Spouse has initiated divorce (individual not joint) and is using a solicitor.

Just wondering whether I should do too?

worried that going via solicitor indicates some sort of “fight” ahead or am I being paranoid?

would you “lawyer up” if partner had?

For info am resigned to this and not contesting (no DV or other circumstances)
I would prefer that it was as amicable as possible but know that may be wishful thinking.

DP and I have mortgage and two DCs under ten.

do you think having a solicitor “ups the ante”?

thanks

You both need one for financials .

Absolutely get a solicitor!!!

Thanks @KangarooKenny - I have seen so much online advice about DIY divorces and theoretically know stages and process but wondered what I was missing (aside from fact that family solicitors must have ten times more experience)

do you think employing a solicitor indicates desire to be combative from the start?

No I don’t. I think it sounds sensible.

Thanks both - will look into it. I’m a bit blindsided by it all TBH so was burying head in sand. DP and I are on different wavelengths ( probably explains divorce!!) - but will investigate more. Have free one hour session with solicitor scheduled for end of month so may move that forward and be a bit more on front foot.

Are you married and divorcing
you refer to spouse and partner

Sorry I was vague. I’m married. I was using DP so as not to be sex/gender specific. I am the husband and my wife has initiated proceedings. I’m minded that by saying I am husband answers may be different - no intention to mislead.

I also think I'd be OK without a lawyer. It's not rocket science these days - google has articles on pretty much any scenario that are freely available to anyone. And lawyers are expensive, and don't offer any guarantees in any case, so I'm never entirely sure what you're paying for.

But dividing up the spoils of a marriage of ten years isn't easy though. There's possibly two sets of pensions to look at, plus apportioning future costs for supporting the children. Small differences in valuations or assumptions made now can have lasting repercussions over many years and amount to tens of thousands in the long run - sometimes even more.

In a weird way, not 'lawyering up' might send an even worse message - that you are confident about being happy with the outcome because you know something or are hiding something. At least when it's two lawyers exchanging letters with each other, they are bound by professional codes of conduct and indemnity insurances would kick in in the event of malpractice or dishonesty ... whereas a layman acting on their own account would probably find the other party's solicitor is extremely wary of them.

I think you 100% need legal advice

it does not have to be adversarial
you can chose a collaborative lawyer using Resolution

but you defo need a lawyer particularly if you earn more and wife is not working / part time etc

you can chose to keep legsl
work to a minimum but definitely see a lawyer at least to gauge dome views on fair outcomes

Have your free hour with the solicitor and get some ducks in a row about what sort of split you think is fair.

You can do it yourself to be honest and you can include your sol for as much or as little as you like. So, you could start the process yourself and if it starts to get a bit hairy, then get your solicitor on board.
It all depends how your ex starts to play it as to whether you then need legal support

I believe it’s possible to get one solicitor to act for you both as someone has suggested… a collaborative solution. Keeps things fair, legal and probably cheaper.

Where do you get the idea that getting a lawyer is combative? I ask because my ex accused me of ‘going for the nuclear option’ when I got one, but it really was just what I thought you had to do. No challenge/combat intended. I just wanted to do it ‘properly’.

You can’t get one solicitor to act for both

Thanks all - very helpful advice. I will see what happens at the free meeting and then engage with solicitor for things that feel appropriate. In answer to question re why think “combative” - I maybe used wrong word. What I was trying phrase was does using solicitor to do forms rather than online indicate anything? I guess time will tell but I don’t imagine she wants to protract things and I am sadly not going to change her mind. What matters most is fair deal for all and that kids are looked after and happy.

For me, using a solicitor was the oppositeof trying to protract things. I wanted to get it done: quickly, efficiently and properly. Hope that reassures you.

You can do a lot of forms yourself
but a solicitor should be advising you what a good deal
looks like

And you’re right, noone here would be advising a woman to not get a solicitor if divorcing her husband
you need one

@millymollymoomoo I stand corrected for stating that one person can oversee the divorce process, but there are alternatives if the situation is acceptable to both parties.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collaborative_law

Yes as already stated

You could get a quote from Amicable, they offer a "divorce coach" which is a bit like mediation and they do work for both of you, unlike the solicitor option. I was told the courts wouldn't accept a financial order unless there had been mediation at the very least, and we don't even have under 18s. But with children involved you definitely need some advice. I'd get the free half hour, have a think, then contact Amicable, compare options: amicable.io

I've also been reminded on here so many times and I keep forgetting - there's a pinned link up there to Advice Now which is excellent: www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/separation-divorce-and-dissolution-civil-partnerships

Thank you all again for helpful links and support. If my partner is using a solicitor am I to assume that her financial preferences will come them?

She will be guided by her solicitor and they may encourage her to push for certain outcome

however, they will
also take advice from their clients so if client wants 90% of all
assets and solicitor doesnt think that’s achievable they’ll still act with those instructions in mind

Thanks @millymollymoomoo - I am hoping for 50/50 as a negotiating point given our circumstances but will take advice from solicitor. This is really hard as don’t want this but realise and accept that we are where we are. It’s so hard to move on from emotional stuff and then look gung-ho in same breath.

Yes. It's clearly not going to be amicable he has sought legal advice, so I'd do the same.

Thank you all for your advice.

I visited a solicitor and had an hour consultation in which I explained circumstances and worries.

The solicitor gave constructive and very helpful advice but re my original thread seemed very "aggressive" (for want of a better word).

They are happy to take my case and suggested a fixed fee of £1800. I have said I will think about that.

I went with a friend and we both got the impression that the solicitor was trying to push us into accepting this "set price" - eg: saying I am on holiday next week you need to decide soon etc...

In the meantime I have acknowledged petition and responded.

I was hoping to get my "ducks in a row" and decide on whether to accept the "all-in" £1800 price but my STBX has already sent a solicitor's letter stating what she wants financially (with 14 day response required).

My question is - should I go for the 1800 "package" or send a "one-off" solicitor's letter (prob about £300) saying why her suggestion is not acceptable?