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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Dad's rights

43 replies

Slb87 · 08/01/2023 22:30

I've separated from my partner, we own a property together and have a 3yr old. I moved out of our home 18 months ago but I am still paying half the mortgage and full child maintenance to her. I've been sleeping on the sofa at a family members house as I'm unable to finance anything else. The property has gained value and she's refusing to sell or buy me out... I therefore can't move on with my life. She is a manager and works full time bringing in a good wage. I'm very much involved with my daughter's life and have her every weekend and during the week. Where do i stand? This is making me ill and my mental health is seriously suffering.

OP posts:
theremustonlybeone · 08/01/2023 22:33

if she wont sell then your going to have to speak to a solicitor and start court proceedings to force the sale

RandomMess · 08/01/2023 22:36

Are you are both on the deeds then you force sale of the property.

Can your ex afford to buy you out?

BungleandGeorge · 08/01/2023 22:37

See a solicitor. Why are you paying half the mortgage?

RandomMess · 08/01/2023 22:37

Because it's still his house and a financial investment!

MintJulia · 08/01/2023 22:44

theremustonlybeone · 08/01/2023 22:33

if she wont sell then your going to have to speak to a solicitor and start court proceedings to force the sale

This.

At the moment, she has everything she wants with no disruption, so she won't change it. You need to see a solicitor and force the sale of the house. She may then choose to buy you out but it will only happen if you start the process.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 08/01/2023 22:50

DH's exW stated that she was going to move back into the family home with the children (after leaving a few week before) and he was to move out. He already had a solicitor at this point who advised that if he did so he wasn't to pay any of the household bills there as exW couldn't expect him to fund the family home and his own home elsewhere. He was happy for them to move back in and the children have familiarity until the sale was to happen but as soon as she clarified with her solicitor that he wouldn't have to pay for the house, she decided not to move back in.

You shouldn't be paying for her house if you're not living there. Of course, you're both on the mortgage so a bit sticky if she doesn't pay it but is she likely to do that given it affects her too?

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/01/2023 22:52

You need to see a lawyer and get the house sold. You can’t afford to not get legal advice.

millymollymoomoo · 09/01/2023 04:52

Move back in or stop paying your half

see a solicitor
start the ball rolling to force a sale or her to buy you out

America12 · 09/01/2023 05:59

You have to pay your half of the mortgage it's a debt in your name.
See a solicitor.

millymollymoomoo · 09/01/2023 07:00

He doesn’t have to pay it
mortgage is held joint and several which means if he stops his ex woukd gave to lay - the mortgage lender don’t care which one of you pays - if one stops they’ll simply persue the othet

use this as leverage and move back in

KangarooKenny · 09/01/2023 07:20

I agree. Move back into the house you are paying for, and get a solicitor to force the sale/have her buy you out.

CrapBucket · 09/01/2023 07:29

The way I see it is that parents don't have rights, they have responsibilities. Work out what is best for your daughter and take it from there.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 07:36

CrapBucket · 09/01/2023 07:29

The way I see it is that parents don't have rights, they have responsibilities. Work out what is best for your daughter and take it from there.

Hang on, so you're saying that once someone becomes a parent, they have no rights at all?

CrapBucket · 09/01/2023 07:53

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 07:36

Hang on, so you're saying that once someone becomes a parent, they have no rights at all?

Show quote history

Not saying that.

But rights aren't connected to parenthood. So you will have rights as a human, as a consumer, an employee etc. But when it comes to being a mother or father its not about 'your rights' its about responsibility for the child.

So get divorced as a person but not as a parent iyswim.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 08:12

@CrapBucket I think OP is referring to his right to have a home to live in. I don't think that's unreasonable.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2023 09:34

They don’t need to get divorced as they’re not married. The house needs to be sold so they can each take their half and then house themselves and their child when they each have her. The non resident parent pays child support, which he’s already doing.

Quizzed · 09/01/2023 09:47

You need to speak to a solicitor so they can help you with getting the ball rolling with either selling the house or your ex buying you out.

Original poster
Slb87 · 09/01/2023 10:51

She's saying she has the right to stay in the property until our daughter is 18. There's no way I'd move back in, I moved out because of my ex being a narcissist. My health has drastically gone down hill because of it.

OP posts:
Quizzed · 09/01/2023 10:59

It doesn't matter what she says or thinks go and speak to a solicitor they will give you the correct advice.

BonnieBairn · 09/01/2023 11:12

I think she'd only be allowed to stay in the house until your daughter was 18 if
A. She couldn't afford a house I.e on benefits or very low income and
B. If your earning were significantly more than hers and you had your own house.
Since you can't afford a house for yourself and you are fully involved in your daughters care then there is no reason you won't get 50/50 care and therefore the house sale can be forced as you have to be able to provide a suitable house for your child too. That's my understanding anyway. Most solicitors offer a free 30minute app so I'd find a good family lawyer.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/01/2023 11:13

If she won’t be reasonable and agree to sell voluntarily, then you need to force the issue legally op. It’s unlikely she would be allowed to stay in the house until your child is 18, but you need legal advice - see a lawyer urgently.

RandomMess · 09/01/2023 11:32

Mesher orders are very rarely awarded these days even if married.

You aren't married you Co-own a house that's a legal agreement you can end with a court order.

Stop listening to her and find a shit hot lawyer with a reputation for good outcomes in your situation and start getting the papers filed.

millymollymoomoo · 09/01/2023 12:00

She does not have that right at all
you can’t get a mesher as you weren’t married

if she wants that she’d have to argue via tolata legislation and sch 1 childrens act - this is expensive, highly unlikely to be successful and would. E awarded as a last resort if it was the only way to house your child. You also would not be expected to pay the mortgage

You need a solicitor and to start proceedings to force a sale

stop listening to her and stop paying / this.• might bring her to the negotiating table
but if you’re joint owners you are entitled to your 50%

Original poster
Slb87 · 09/01/2023 13:28

She's also doing alterations in the property without my consent... has anyone been in the same situation? Where do I stand on that? Surely she has no right to do anything?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/01/2023 13:31

You need legal advice and fast.

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