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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Selling marital home in 6-8 weeks

27 replies

Thatgirlcat · 05/01/2023 13:53

Hi guys,

Does anyone have advice/ experience of when you are splitting from your partner and have to sell the co- mortgaged family home very quickly?
I have been married for over 5 years to my husband and we have 2 children aged 5 and 3. I have been unhappy for a few years now, but as of late have decided I can't keep living like this.

I am aware that most likely we will have to sell the home. We have contacted some agents who deal with selling help to buy homes, who have said they deal with private investors who buy new builds. Whole process takes approx. 6-8 weeks to go through. I have not signed the selling agreement yet, as I'm overwhelmed and financially not able to move at the moment. I cannot afford the rent in my area on my salary and I would also have to reschool my 2 kids ( not sure how long this takes also).

I have applied with my local council for council housing, but I'm fully aware of the waiting time and with the current climate don't hold out much hope. It seems my only option at the moment would be to sell the house in approx 8 weeks time, use the money from sale of house to go into private rented, waste all the money on rent and then after a few moths when its all ran out to then hopefully get bumped up the council list before in inevitably evicted.

This is the only feasible option I've come up with, but any input and advice would be greatly appreciated, as I really don't want to have to keep moving my kids from house to house. This whole situation is so stressful and I just want it to be the easiest it can be on my kids.

OP posts:

millymollymoomoo · 05/01/2023 15:21

You really need to slow down

you need to look longer term and bigger pucture
can one of you buy the other out?
will it be 50:50 split if assets? Is that Fair?
what assets are there
wgat will the arrangements be for the children? Who will they live with and what access with the other parent
do you noth work full time? What earnings of each?

eyc etc

you don’t have to answer here but you need to think of these and others in reaching decisons

why does it have to be in the next few weeks ??

YukoandHiro · 05/01/2023 15:31

It takes way longer than 6 weeks to sell a house at its true market value. Don't flog it off just because you're in a rush to get away and break ties. You need to think carefully about your financial future

Runningfire · 05/01/2023 15:37

Stop. Breathe. See a solicitor. You don’t have to sell immediately - your partner still needs to pay their part of the mortgage. You can even sometimes get mesher orders so you can stay in the house. Someone will come on soon and say they never happen but they do as a I have one.

do not make any quick decisions

Runningfire · 05/01/2023 15:41

The primary concern of the courts is the secure housing of children and if possible avoiding renting. You really really need to see a good solicitor asap.

or at least read this www.amazon.co.uk/Family-Lawyers-Guide-Separation-Divorce/dp/1785042262

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 05/01/2023 17:12

Thanks guys. I don't really want to sell the house, as we've only lived here for 2 years and I don't want to move the kids schools. The reason the house would be sold quickly, is most agents don't deal with new build homes under help to buy scheme. The ones we spoke to don't sell on places like right move, instead sell to private investors.

I asked my stbx if we can stay in the house whilst we sort things out, but he wants to sell. his reason is all his money is tied up in the house and he can't move on until we sell. However, he is on a decent salary and soon to be promoted at work. Another reason he wants to sell quickly is one of these companies told him if we wait to sell any longer, the way the market is the value of the house is likely to go down.

In terms of how we split the assets, we only share the house and if it sells, we just said 50/50. I haven't spoke to a solicitor as I am really not in a great financial state at the moment. I just feel like he's pressuring me to sell, but not really thinking about the kids. He just said that's the price you have to pay for wanting to leave.

OP posts:

WhyIsthatdogwearingshoes123 · 07/01/2023 21:47

If you are married, you should seek financial advise from a family solicitor asap

Do you have private pensions, savings to split too ?

Have you had 3 valuations of the property ?

Will he be paying child maintenance ?

DeePlume · 07/01/2023 21:51

Beg steal and borrow to get the money for a solicitor. Best thing I ever did.

Northernlurker · 07/01/2023 22:40

Oh sure he wants to sell the house! I bet! Tell him he's out of luck on that one. Get a solicitor and take things slow. You may be able to stay in the house and either way you won't lose anything by not being railroaded through misplaced guilt. You don't have to 'pay' for being unhappy,

tappinginto2023 · 08/01/2023 00:18

Stop listening to your ex and accommodating his wishes, it sounds like he's not interested in your or the children's best interests.

Get a solicitor (hopefully you'll find a good one)

Mumof3confused · 08/01/2023 00:24

Don’t let him pressure you into anything and don’t take his word for anything. It’s not necessarily true that the value will fall, the market is stabilising as better mortgage rates are becoming available. You need secure housing for yourself and the children. It’s likely he’s trying to rush you because he will potentially have to give you more money once his raise shows on his payslips. Have you agreed on how much each of you will have the children? This is also relevant - if you have them more, you’re likely also entitled to more.

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 08/01/2023 06:05

We spoke to a couple different companies that deal with selling help to buy homes, their range for selling is £279,000-£300,000. We bought our house at £315,000 so not sure if that’s good or bad in the current climate.

we both do shift work, so managing a schedule for the kids isn’t like how most people with do it. I was thinking about him having the kids every other weekend. However my shifts start at 7:15, and school isn’t until 8:15 and 9, so I’m struggling a bit with how it will all work out. I know there’s breakfast club, but I’m worried about the cost of everything (my stbx is very tight with money!)

and the only thing we share together is the mortgage and kids. We don’t even have a shared bank account, so no savings together. Everyday it seems he’s pressuring me to sign to sell the house bc apparently it’s killing him to live with me. But I don’t want to rush things and don’t want to mess the children about, well as little as possible at this point.

OP posts:

Redebs · 08/01/2023 06:13

I'm not sure why you are getting so ahead of yourself on these arrangements.
If your children are young, you may not need to move at all. You might not even need to settle the house until the youngest is 18.
And please don't try to fit childcare around work on an hourly basis. Children's needs are for security first and you may need to rearrange your working pattern rather than sending them off to your husband in whatever place he moves to.
Get legal advice.

FinallyHere · 08/01/2023 06:13

He just said that's the price you have to pay for wanting to leave.

This is exactly why you need legal advice, so that you understand how the law actually works. Lots of men just assume that the law will support what they want, what works for them, for example if their wife wants 'out' of the relationship, the wife needs to accept the financial penalties.

That is just not the way the courts will look at things. Quite rightly, The courts start from the point of view that the children need to be adequately housed.

I am sorry he is pressuring you. It is a sign though that he probably knows that if you take that time and do not allow him to rush you, you will be able to understand that what he wants doesn't matter in this situation.

I hope you get the support you need for yourself and the children.

GrumpyPanda · 08/01/2023 06:16

The fact that you don't currently share finances is neither here nor there - in a divorce, everything is on the table. Get proper advice ASAP.

MintJulia · 08/01/2023 06:22

If you sell to one of those investors, you will not get true market value.

You need to tell your h no, get a solicitor and some proper advice. At this point you need to assume that everything your h tells you is wrong, unfair, or designed to rip you off. He is no longer your friend.

And there are other options. He could buy you out at market rate, the court could make an order leaving you and the children in the house for a set period of time etc.

Go and see a solicitor next week. Let them guide you.

Littlegoth · 08/01/2023 06:29

Woahhhh slow down!

With 2 kids in the mix you MUST get legal advice. As others have said, a 50-50 split might be what he wants, but it’s not necessarily what he will be entitled to if it goes to court.

He’s trying to rush this through before you realise. Everything will be taken into account - who has the children most of the time, your future earning potential, any savings pots, pensions.

Of course he wants this agreeing to asap, it’s in his best interest if the house is split 50-50 and you leave. It might not be what’s fair though, and this is what a financial settlement should look at x

wildseas · 08/01/2023 06:32

Any decision which leaves your children homeless or hopping from house to house is the wrong decision.

If you and stbx husband are finding it difficult to share the house can he move in with friends or family or into an Airbnb for a couple of months.

He is pushing you to sell quickly because he knows that it will be best for him. But it’s not best for the children. Any solution which moves them out of stable housing and into homelessness/flat hopping is not a good solution.

If he has savings, pension etc and you don’t that will be considered; if you are going to have the kids more that will be considered.

i know it’s money you don’t have but a solicitor will save you thousands and help you find a solution where you have a stable house. You need to find the money for a solicitor

olympicsrock · 08/01/2023 06:37

See a solicitor and stop listening to your ex who is not in your corner now.

He wants what is best for him not you.

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 08/01/2023 09:45

I know I need legal advice, I will try and find the money one way or another. We both don’t have savings and not sure how we will split the children at the moment. He is from another country, so has no family here, but I’m in a similar situation as my family leave far away.

OP posts:

MintJulia · 08/01/2023 12:24

Is his home country a signatory of the Hague convention? Make sure you understand the situation before that issue arises.

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 08/01/2023 14:08

He’s from the Philippines, so not sure about this. He’s now asking me to sign a parental custody agreement, apparently so he can get council housing and financial support from the government, but I don’t buy it.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 08/01/2023 20:01

Don't sign anything. And don't let him leave the country with the kids unless everything is agreed and he's going to a Hague convention country.
I'm guessing you may be a nurse? Ask around at work and try and find other single parent nurses, you may be able to do some mutual support childcare. If you did late shifts you could help a colleague out with childcare in the morning and they do the same for you in the afternoon/evening.

tappinginto2023 · 09/01/2023 01:49

Please please stop listening to your husband! Please get some support in real life.

Littlegoth · 09/01/2023 07:07

There was another recent thread with similar concerns re separated husband going to the Philippines with their children.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4568222-husband-wanting-to-take-kids-on-family-holiday-alone?page=12&reply=117943077

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 10/01/2023 10:55

Does anyone know of any help I can get about legal advice? The longer I’m not signing anything, the more he’s becoming aggressive towards me and it’s becoming so toxic. I have no way of getting help financially, unless I take out a loan which I really don’t want to do.

I just don’t know what to do. He keeps pressuring me to give up my nursing too, saying it’s for the best 😔

OP posts:

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