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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband won’t leave unless I give him 26k

37 replies

emmacos · 01/01/2023 11:10

Hi guys new to this site so not sure how it goes but here goes.
Ive been married for 19yrs and we have 2 sons 19&14, my husband was diagnosed with depression March last year which I suspected, my husband don’t tell me anything from income, outgoings, appointments, his mum passed away 4yrs ago and he was left 56k which I had no control of, husband bought me a car then items for the house, he decided to give up work due to his depression saying we would be ok financially but has now run out, I work 55hrs a week as a carer and pay for most utility bills, I have asked my husband to leave as we are no longer communicating but he says he won’t go until I give him 26k! I rent my house from the housing association and it’s only my name on the tenancy, I am so unhappy that I’m spending all my time watching tv upstairs out of the way.
I don’t know if I should be telling the boys.

OP posts:
FearEtc · 01/01/2023 11:12

Say no?

Brightstar84 · 01/01/2023 11:13

You need to get some legal advice on your rights from a solicitor

Anotheryear23 · 01/01/2023 11:13

Where does he expect you to get the 26k from? Do you have savings? Does he/you have a pension?

You can see a solicitor for advice and start divorce proceedings and the finances will be sorted alongside.

Fleetheart · 01/01/2023 11:13

that sounds really difficult, I feel for you. How do you think the boys will react if you say you are splitting up?

GoT1904 · 01/01/2023 11:14

That's absolutely ridiculous! He has no legal right to ask you for that. You were/are married. I'd speak to a solicitor and work on getting him out.

Dotcheck · 01/01/2023 11:14

Why 26k? Is that half of savings, or what he reckons he needs to live for a year?

RandomMess · 01/01/2023 11:14

Well you start by getting the wheels in motion and filing for divorce.

Sounds like the only marital assets you have are cars and pensions (less any debts). The starting point is 50:50.

The pensions need to be valued but if there isn't any cash in the bank anywhere then no one can can either any cash.

You need to find a good solicitor and use a free half hour consultation.

Where did he used to work, did he have a company pension?

Bestcatmum · 01/01/2023 11:14

You need solicitors advice. Solid advice. What I did was book half an hour with a really good one who gave me great advice on how to proceed. It really is worth the money. Also go to citizens advice for the legal lowdown. Meanwhile don't give him a penny. Its blackmail.

forrestgreen · 01/01/2023 11:15

Say nothing. Go see a solicitor. It's usually free for the first hour but you'll benefit.

If he's not on the tenancy that's a great thing.

Can you separate your bank accounts. Get the bills in your name.

Get onto benefits and tell them you're separated but still struggling to get him to leave. They can start the process

AnuSTart · 01/01/2023 11:22

I agree with the previous posters.
Breathe deep.
Check your tenancy agreement and maybe speak to the HA and see if they can help remove him.
Speak to a solicitor. I must say here though contrary to a previous poster they are definitely NOT 'usually free for the first half hour'. Almost nobody works for the first hour free. I wouldn't.

kingtamponthefurred · 01/01/2023 11:33

Sounds like a bargain if you can afford it, but an appointment with a solicitor would be a lot cheaper.

Newusernameaug · 01/01/2023 11:38

With regards to him moving out:

I rent my house from the housing association and it’s only my name on the tenancy,

Ask him to leave, if he does t call the police. It’s your name on the tenancy and he has no right to be there.

Re Divorce and financial assets, that can be discussed and decided later, but generally it’s 50/50 split and if he’s spent his inheritance and not worked, that’s his problem!

millymollymoomoo · 01/01/2023 12:07

If he’s spent his inheritance and not worked it’s his problem…. Except it’s not
hes due a share of assets held at point of separation - might be awarded little, or lots but it’s not correct to say it’s his problem

Original poster
emmacos · 01/01/2023 13:09

We already have separate bank accounts, I’m the only one working, the 26k is half the inheritance which I had no control over.
I have emailed a solicitor so will wait on that after the BH, I have a private workplace pension and that’s it, there are no savings anywhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
emmacos · 01/01/2023 13:12

I’m trying to gain access to pay the gas & electric but I don’t know who our provider is, my husband is now saying I’m coercively making him give me all his money.

OP posts:
Original poster
emmacos · 01/01/2023 13:13

I’ve offered him my car which he paid for but then I wouldn’t have anything to get to work or take youngest to school apps etc, I’ve also offered him the 50” tv, 2 reclining sofas and kingsize bed .

OP posts:
Yaslana · 01/01/2023 13:14

emmacos · 01/01/2023 13:09

We already have separate bank accounts, I’m the only one working, the 26k is half the inheritance which I had no control over.
I have emailed a solicitor so will wait on that after the BH, I have a private workplace pension and that’s it, there are no savings anywhere.

so the 26k is half the inheritance he has?

DenholmElliot11 · 01/01/2023 13:14

26K to be rid of him? I'd pay it gladly, and get on with my new life.

Yaslana · 01/01/2023 13:15

tell him to fuck off, and pay you the 26k

dont offer him anything and tell him, his names not on the lease so he has to leave

Original poster
emmacos · 01/01/2023 13:16

He had until he spent it all doing the house up and then choosing to give up work without consulting me first.

OP posts:
Yarrawonga · 01/01/2023 13:17

Ask him to leave, if he does t call the police. It’s your name on the tenancy and he has no right to be there.

It isn’t that simple. While they are still married, he is entitled to stay where he is.

RandomMess · 01/01/2023 13:24

Does he have a pension too?

Newlifestartingatlast · 01/01/2023 13:25

RandomMess · 01/01/2023 11:14

Well you start by getting the wheels in motion and filing for divorce.

Sounds like the only marital assets you have are cars and pensions (less any debts). The starting point is 50:50.

The pensions need to be valued but if there isn't any cash in the bank anywhere then no one can can either any cash.

You need to find a good solicitor and use a free half hour consultation.

Where did he used to work, did he have a company pension?

Starting point is not 50:50.
it is “ fair settlement” as defined by the matrimonial act- there are 10 or so criteria the court must apply first to,ensure fair settlement. Even with a consent order the court will check fair settlement criteria have been met before sealing the order.

in a lot of cases it will end up 50:50. But it is not necessarily the case particularly if assets are few. So, if the OP has right to a house in her name ( but doesn’t own) that will be taken into account and husband may be awarded more to provide him with money for a home - that is a key criteria for fair settlements. The courts won’t seal a financial order that leaves someone homeless unless there is literally no other options and they’re both homeless. The government, when making the law, wants to ensure it’s not left picking up tabs of housing someone at the benefit of the other party.

The confusion on 50:50 does potentially come from the concept of joint assets. Everything you each own ( property, pensions, etc) is effectively owned 50:50 as joint assets. But it does not automatically say you’ll end up with 50:50 split.

Newlifestartingatlast · 01/01/2023 13:33

Yaslana · 01/01/2023 13:14

so the 26k is half the inheritance he has?

Show quote history

His inheritance is almost always seen as joint asset under English law ( understand that’s different under Scottish law). Only if marriage has been particularly short ( eg less than 3 years, no kids) and inherited before the marriage will court consider ring fencing. Even full legal pre nup agreements have been disregarded by courts to ensure “ fair settlement” is made first

if, and only if, there are sufficient assets in the marriage to meet the criteria for fair settlement, might someone be able to hold onto an inheritance they came into during a marriage of more than a very short duration. And even then it is usually balanced by the other party retaining some other asset.