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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Domestic abuse, need to leave

33 replies

Timetoleavetimetobefree · 01/12/2022 20:24

Hi

i am getting ready to leave my abusive husband. Today he told me and my son to fuck off. I need to protect my children from this vile man.
I work full time, my children are old enough to not need childcare. I want him to leave but we both own the house and are married.
I don’t know where to start.
he is physically, and emotionally abusive. I left him once before kids but came back. What do I need to do to get ready to get him out. I’m scared but I’m also scared that I won’t be strong enough to end the relationship.
he told me he would take my kids off me if I left. He is a horrible man

OP posts:
dolor · 01/12/2022 20:46

He can't take your kids away from you, don't listen to that nonsense.

What's your status regarding family? Is there somewhere you can go with your children?

cestlavielife · 01/12/2022 20:48

Get a rental
Move out
See a lawyer

dolor · 01/12/2022 20:53

Also,

Make sure you have you and children's passports, and other important documents.

Allsnotwell · 01/12/2022 20:54

Get everything you need as evidence
See a solicitor

Do you have equity in the home?

Original poster
Timetoleavetimetobefree · 02/12/2022 06:27

I have local family support where I could go in an emergency. My sister knows everything and has helped me with a safety plan.
I don’t want to move to a rental as my kids have moved enough and need to stay in their home.
only one of my kids has a passport. I have all documents like birth certificates and all my wages, and benefits go into my account. He has no access to that. I also have a bit of savings in an account he has no access too. I sorted out more control over my bank account years ago when I was trying to leave before. Thank you for your replies. I need to stay angry and focused.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 02/12/2022 06:33

Unfortunately you can’t make him leave, however do phone the police any time you feel scared or threatened by him.
You need to speak to a family solicitor ASAP to get advice.
Do not agree to anything without running it past a solicitor.
If you have anything of value, or sentimental value, it might be worth asking family to look after it for now.

Fedupofdiets · 02/12/2022 06:40

Have you spoken with Women's Aid? That would be a good place to start. Please please find the strength to protect your kids from him Flowers

orbitalcrisis · 02/12/2022 06:47

Call the police and get him arrested for domestic abuse and assault. They will not allow him to stay in the house.

Campervangirl · 02/12/2022 08:01

Fedupofdiets · 02/12/2022 06:40

Have you spoken with Women's Aid? That would be a good place to start. Please please find the strength to protect your kids from him Flowers

This

Campervangirl · 02/12/2022 08:01

orbitalcrisis · 02/12/2022 06:47

Call the police and get him arrested for domestic abuse and assault. They will not allow him to stay in the house.

And this

Original poster
Timetoleavetimetobefree · 02/12/2022 08:57

I am planning to speak to womens aid. I am getting a secret phone and have a secret email address. Thank you so much for replying. I appreciate every reply.

Im going to get legal advice and I am looking into buying him out.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 02/12/2022 09:13

The other thing I have done is started saving Tesco, Boots and Sainsburys points so that I have some ‘money’ that isn’t in his sight.
Ive also screen shot his bank cards and credit cards, plus his pension letters.

Loocheeyar · 02/12/2022 21:55

Apply to the council under the homeless part and go down. That route that’s what I did and they helped and supported me with women’s refuge etc . Now in my council house with the children and so relieved .

Nancienoo · 02/12/2022 21:58

Phone DV phone number theyl give you advice get out he won’t take your kids. I’ve been there and out of it now not mentally still trying to find my self but I’m safe

Whiskeypowers · 03/12/2022 10:33

How are you today OP?

Original poster
Timetoleavetimetobefree · 03/12/2022 13:30

I’m ok thanks. He’s in a bad mood today so I’m keeping my head down. I just keep thinking about what life will be like when he’s gone. I want a home that’s calm and safe, where the kids know what to expect all the time. Without him, I can give the kids all that and more. There my focus.

OP posts:
Original poster
Timetoleavetimetobefree · 03/12/2022 13:31

*Theyre

OP posts:
Original poster
Timetoleavetimetobefree · 24/12/2022 08:46

Well I’m still planning on how to get him to leave and when is the best time. I am thinking of asking him to move in with his parents in between Xmas and new year so I can get the kids settled before we all go back to school and work. Want to send my kids to my family and then either msg him or go to my house and see him out. I feel bad for messaging him and if he takes it badly then he might wreck the house but if I’m in the house alone then he may take it badly and hurt me. I just want him out. I’ve reached a point where I will sell the house as long as my kids are safe and out of this.

OP posts:
Pushingdaisys · 27/12/2022 19:35

Timetoleavetimetobefree · 24/12/2022 08:46

Well I’m still planning on how to get him to leave and when is the best time. I am thinking of asking him to move in with his parents in between Xmas and new year so I can get the kids settled before we all go back to school and work. Want to send my kids to my family and then either msg him or go to my house and see him out. I feel bad for messaging him and if he takes it badly then he might wreck the house but if I’m in the house alone then he may take it badly and hurt me. I just want him out. I’ve reached a point where I will sell the house as long as my kids are safe and out of this.

I my self have left a abusive relationship it’s hard but youl be ok ❤️

Pushingdaisys · 27/12/2022 19:37

Timetoleavetimetobefree · 03/12/2022 13:30

I’m ok thanks. He’s in a bad mood today so I’m keeping my head down. I just keep thinking about what life will be like when he’s gone. I want a home that’s calm and safe, where the kids know what to expect all the time. Without him, I can give the kids all that and more. There my focus.

I was also like this worried me sick on what mood he’d be in you will be so much better off without him and on your own with your kids. I’ve been out since just before Christmas and have stopped contact with him I really was missable

Original poster
Timetoleavetimetobefree · 30/12/2022 23:22

He’s sticking to me like glue. I haven’t been able to do anything yet as I need to make sure the kids and dog are with me. He’s such a bastard, I can’t wait for us to be away from him.
He swore at my son today. He was nice for a few days but now he’s back to normal. I’m writing this post to remind myself he is horrible so I stay strong. He’s cancelled all his nights out recently. I’m not sure he will leave the house. I think he’s going to be difficult. I’m going to contact womens aid when I can. At the moment it’s too unsafe to call

OP posts:
Original poster
Timetoleavetimetobefree · 30/12/2022 23:24

Sorry my message is jumbled like my head. Thank you for the replies. I need to keep talking about getting out so I stay strong and focused

OP posts:
yvonneb13 · 30/12/2022 23:28

Good luck OP stay strong xxx

Pushingdaisys · 30/12/2022 23:32

I left an abusive relationship a couple of days before Christmas. The abuse was getting worse I had to walk with my head to the floor so I wouldn’t look at other men supposedly he used to force me to wear what he wanted have really long red nails because he liked it. Egg shells on what mood he would be in. I feel so much better now im safe away from him

dolor · 31/12/2022 19:59

Have you managed to get him to leave yet OP? it's bloody terrifying I know.