Is it possible to stay amicable?

[DragonWasp]

Been with my husband for 11 years, married for 8. 2 children 6 and 4. He initiated us splitting up but deep down I know it's not a healthy relationship.

We will sell the house next year and separate then. At the moment we are amicable. Am I deluded in thinking that it can remain amicable?

He thinks we can sort the finances between us. I don't think that's possible especially since he wouldn't have thought about my entitlement to his pension.

I know I will be heart broken on behalf of my children if he remarries and has more children. I don't want my kids to have to share their dad with another family. But obviously I'll have to accept it if it happens.

Please tell me if you have managed to keep things amicable. I don't have any other family so he will still be my next of kin and hopefully still be a big part of my life. I want us to co parent well.

@Newlifestartingatlast your posts are very useful, thank you for sharing your experiences.

Many people are saying to me I’m being really amicable given the circumstances but I feel how you do, that I have to compartmentalise what he did vs. what we now need to do to be good parents together and individually for DC. I keep thinking DC didn’t ask for this and how will they describe our separation in 5, 10, 15 years time. I need this experience to be as positive as possible and not negative, so that there sitting in a red couch pouring their heart out to a therapist about how their parents handled things.

We have enlisted a mediator quite early on, but I believe this has helped. It’s made him be reasonable as his perception was that I wasn’t being reasonable, and the mediator has highlighted multiple times that I am. All in, it’ll cost less than £1500 I think (exception of pension report which I’m pushing for as his is a DB one so a bit complicated) We’re both on the same page so far in how to split DC, house, finances etc so I’m praying this will be straight forward. I can only hope and continue to have the motivation to be amicable (“motivation” is a good word I need to remember!)

Thank you again for sharing your wisdom. Don’t know what I’d do without MN!