Divorcing with little money

[LDA123]

How do people do it?

We have applied online for a joint divorce. We need to sort out the financial side of things. We have the family home, no savings, lots of debt and 4 children. He is renting.

We are not amicable, we have tried to discuss but it always ends up badly. Quotes from solicitors £5,000 which neither can afford. Even mediation is very expensive and he is reluctant.

I think he just wants to sort it out between us which is good in principal but tricky when he goes mad when I don’t agree with him.

I just don’t really know what to do next.

I did ask him to complete a form E but nothing has happened there. And possibly not essential if not going through the courts. Just thinking it is a good place to start perhaps.

How did everyone manage to get the ball rolling with the financial side of things without using a solicitor / mediator when the relationship is not amicable? Is this even possible?

I think it depends on the value of any assets and his disconnected you are in terms of settlement

if you really can’t even discuss it then a solicitor is going to be the only way

I don't really understand what the problem is with the finances because you say that there aren't any. Whose name is the debt in?

His name. It’s more the house really, he wants it sold.

We need to have a financial order when we finalise the divorce but getting there is the problem.

Just read about a £500 mediation scheme so that will definitely help if I can convince him to go to mediation.

Ah I think perhaps the title is misleading…. There are assets (the house) but I meant little money to pay for solicitors etc!

Just wondering how on earth people afford it!

I would assume most people pay for it out the sale of the house.

I am hoping to delay the sale of the house for a few years.

Well in that case you have to court and that can be very very costly.

Yes, there lies the problem as I have no savings to pay for court.

Some solicitors will accept some work based on taking fees out of settlement

you can do a lot if the form
filling and things yourself, and you can minimise solicitors letters etc to keep costs down

ultimately if you’re seeking mesher order that will require solicitors, and is likely to only be granted if there really is no other alternative in order to house the children. Courts generally do t favour them as it keeps you and ex financially tied and significantly impacts his ability to raise mortgage and buy. It won’t be granted simply because you don’t want to move yet etc

but it will depend on your circumstances.

I wouldn't waste money going to court to try and get a Mesher Order because the odds are stacked against you. In a sample of 1,200 cases performed in 2012 by Emma Hitchings and Joanna Miles found there were 6 Mesher Orders in all these divorces (800 had no financial settlement at all). I was advised - so this is the opinion of two solicitors - that they fell out of favour because they cause a lot of hardship for the NRP during the court of the order (gone are the days when it was acceptable to ignore the NRP's housing needs) and then cause a lot of hardship for the RP at the end of their term. They also prevent the court from considering an immediate clean break which whilst more acceptable when there are children involved has become less so in recent years.

Think practically from your perspective as well. Imagine you agree to stay for 3 more years and then need to sell up. Property has become a volatile asset in recent weeks and you will be going into an agreement blind. You don't know what that asset will be worth when it sells, what you will need to buy a new property and what interest rates are. Is that uncertainty really in your interests?

Also, you'll more than likely be expected to work and pay 100% of the mortgage for those three years unless he graciously agrees otherwise, which he would be a mug to do because whilst he absolutely should provide for his children, the days of being a provider for you are over.

I’m already paying 100% of the mortgage and all the house costs, I’m working. Problem is, if we sell and I have to get a mortgage in my own name, then I can only afford a 2 bedroom place which would be a struggle with the 5 of us. There isn’t enough equity to buy two houses - perhaps 2 1 or 2 bedroom flats.

It’s going to come down to how much equity there is tied up, what you both earn, wgat % of overall equity split will there be.

his housing needs are also given weight, somewhere where he can also have the children, so it’s unlikely you’ll get to keep ( as example) large 4/5 bed house with him in a small 1 bed house

but again warnings and assets values are important

also you mention a few years - what will change in that tins to allow you to sell/buy out that found not be achieved now?

The childcare costs of 4 children if I’m working full time outweighs any financial gain of working full time. At the moment, I have zero childcare costs, work part-time but a decent enough salary to pay the mortgage etc.

I was just thinking in a few years, the kids will all be older and at secondary school, so I could work FT without all the childcare costs.

The very first thing you need to do is see if anyone is willing to give you a mortgage that will enable you to buy your ex out.

This is key. It's only when you know how much, if any, money will be lent to you that you can then go ahead and make an offer to your ex.

You will need to sell the house, that's were I am right now.

Are you assuming that you’ll get sole custody?

Not sole custody no. The current arrangement is that they stay with him every other weekend.

I have a mortgage quote already and it gives me enough to buy a 2 bedroom flat (with 50% of the equity). Even with more equity, it would still be a 2 bedroom place. Property is so expensive.

I guess I’ll have to think about how they could work.

Sorry to hear that, it’s tough. I hope you find your perfect new home that will just be yours.

I don't know anyone who has just kept the house apart from one friend whose dad gave her thirty thousand pounds to buy her ex out.

You both need to have somewhere to house the children. He can't just be able to have them one weekend a fortnight because he lives somewhere inadequate for them.

Have you been able to have a free initial call with a solicitor?

I don’t want to keep the house, just delay the sale until my youngest secondary school age. But yes, maybe will have to have a rethink. He is financially no worse off (other than not being able to get a new mortgage for a few years) with us staying here as he just pays statutory CM and would pay same amount even if sold. He is renting a place big enough for them to all stay when he has them.

I’ve spoken with 2 solicitors and they have both said good cause to delay the sale of the house. My problem is, I can’t afford their £5,000+ fee and the whole post is wondering how people actually even afford to get divorced and sort out the finances! This £500 scheme towards mediation will hopefully help though, at least it’s a start.

Sorry, that's what I meant by 'keeping' the house. Not keep it forever and ever. I don't know anyone who hasn't had to sell the family home when they divorced apart from my friend who was able to buy her ex out. That's what I was trying to say.

How far off is secondary school?
It sounds a bit brutal but my friend was in a similar position (although less involved ex partner). He was not helpful and skint so she just set her own timetable, knowing that he wouldnt/couldn't afford court proceedings to force the sale of the house.
As it turned out, that was when she re married and could buy him out.

He won't need to pay any child maintenance though if he has the children fifty percent of the time.

Also, I'd say not being able to get a mortgage is a big disadvantage, not a small one.

How long is it until your youngest goes to secondary school?