Divorcing with little money

[LDA123]

How do people do it?

We have applied online for a joint divorce. We need to sort out the financial side of things. We have the family home, no savings, lots of debt and 4 children. He is renting.

We are not amicable, we have tried to discuss but it always ends up badly. Quotes from solicitors £5,000 which neither can afford. Even mediation is very expensive and he is reluctant.

I think he just wants to sort it out between us which is good in principal but tricky when he goes mad when I don’t agree with him.

I just don’t really know what to do next.

I did ask him to complete a form E but nothing has happened there. And possibly not essential if not going through the courts. Just thinking it is a good place to start perhaps.

How did everyone manage to get the ball rolling with the financial side of things without using a solicitor / mediator when the relationship is not amicable? Is this even possible?

OP don’t forget about splitting pensions, they can be worth a surprising amount.

Why is the debt only in his name? Is it only in his name because its his alone, or because you couldn't take it out due to income?

He doesn’t want the children 50% of the time. Happy with current arrangement. He says he doesn’t want to buy but I guess that can change.

Have you done a calculation to see if you would get any benefits? You can also get a mortgage offer based on your whole income, salary, benefits and child maintenance which might mean you can buy him out, speak to a broker, one of you has to be able to house the kids even if you both can't. You can also apply if you are separated but still living together i believe

your question was answered

people divorce either by

Doing vast majority thenselves
using solicitors for minimal things
keeping solicitors costs down by minimising letters/calls etc
nehitisting and coming to arrangements themselves using solicitor only to draft consent order etc
finding a solicit who will accept instal payments / some form of payment once you have settlement
borrowing from family to fund legal fees

if you are very disconnected and can’t agree then legal route will be only option and you’ll have to do one or more of above

that needs to be weighed up with
how much equity is actually available in the house
what your earnings are
what a fair split would look like
how far apart you are on it

ie not worth spending 10k if you’re fighting over 12k

Thank you for all your help x

You can't afford to keep the house, so it sounds to me like your only options are 1) stall the divorce and keep doing whatever it is you're doing right now until you're prepared to sell the house or 2) sell the house right now.

Have to admit that I do struggle with how 4 children and 1 adult living in a 2 bedroom flat is in the best interests for the children. But I guess these things are never going to be easy.

Could you look for a parlour house and use the dining room as a third bedroom?

It’s not. The parents staying together in a happy marriage and everyone staying in the nice family home is best for them.

That’s not on the table though as you have decided that it’s more important that you divorce, so it then comes down to what you can afford after that.

It’s pretty normal that everyone’s lifestyle takes a major hit afterwards, which is why some people prefer to live in the same home amicably until the youngest child heads off to work or university.

Are there any pensions or other assets?

To be fair to the op, it’s not as if people choose to have their relationship break down. Everyone would like to be in a happy marriage but if it does break down it’s better to divorce

you could sell the house and rent a bigger place.

I think that it depends. I’ve known people who decided that they no longer wanted to be “together” as a romantic couple but who also were comfortable enough with each other that they could happily stay in the same house with the children.

It’s maybe rare that this can work, but not unheard of.

I get the impression that the OP hopes that she can come out of this keeping the house with the husband ending up in a bed-sit or little flat, but that’s unlikely to happen.

What the heck kind of post is this, it’s so judgey in tone. Why should she stay in an unhappy marriage im shocked at what I’m reading and what goes on in some folks heads.

op honestly you can’t expect him to rent for years and not be able to get another mortgage, it’s got to be fair. This poster is correct in that when you split you both need to live within your means and attempt equality. That’s what’s fair

Why don't you rent as well? And look to buy somewhere when you can work full-time...

I haven’t said that she should.

So that the father of the children can also adequately house them and so the father of the children is not left up the creek without a paddle.

If you sell the house and both end up in two bedroomed houses and you think that's not a good situation, then what situation is he going to be in of you don't sell it? No bedrooms?

You can't have one person leaving the marriage with a house and the other without a pot to piss in.

I wasn’t the one that ended the marriage. But for my sake and for the children's, I believe it was the best decision. It was not a happy, healthy marriage. I understand it has to be fair to both parties, I agree. I guess I’m just trying to keep the impact to the kids as small as possible, they’ve already had to deal with a lot. Unfortunately, as with a lot of woman in these cases, I stayed home to be with the kids (both professionals) whilst he continued to work. He earns 5 times what I do and I’ll never be able to catch up with him, even working full time.

But anyway! Going to have a good think about it all and work out the best way forward.

Another option is that the children stay in the house and that the parents rotate in and out, sharing a second (very small and cheap) home for their time away.

This works for some people, although probably works best when the split is 50:50.

Like I said, he is already renting somewhere big enough for them to stay. I never said I wanted to keep the house forever, just delay a bit until childcare costs would reduce (as I’d earn less working full time than I do now).

My personal choice would be to sell the house, rent somewhere suitable of 3 beds , bank the cash and use interest towards rent , get the divorce done and reassess in maybe 18 months to 2 years. You sound ideal for a shared ownership situation if you can find a 3 bedder.

What do you mean by “a bit” though? Six months is “a bit”, two years isn’t.

When I divorced (but there were no kids) we got the house valued (by 3 agents) and had an agreement as part of the divorce that within x years or when I sold, whichever was earlier, I'd pay him half the equity (you could agree a different proportion to recognise your majority ongoing housing of the children - mine are still at home at 19 and 23 because they can't afford to leave ).

That allowed me to stay in the house for a couple of years and pay him when the funds were released when I sold.

With house prices going up and down it is a bit of a risk but it may be preferable to forcing you and the kids into a home that's too small.

We used a solicitor each to draft the agreement we had come up with and then I filed papers at the court (very easy process that you can now do online).

The judge queried the settlement re the pensions part but we responded and the agreement was accepted by the court

Pensions are SO important. I'm now reaching near early retirement age and the value of them to me in huge - and the difference between being able to live in relative comfort vs subsistence. Please make sure that your agreement includes you getting a chunk of his pension, particularly as you are earning significant less and are likely to have had breaks for maternity leave that will have severely dented any pension contributions you have made.

I can't stress enough how trying to find a way to pay a progressional to guide you through this will likely pay dividends in the long run (especially on pensions and to get a fair settlement given his much larger income).

Personally, and I'm sure you are doing this anyway, I'd preface every discussion with the statement that your joint ficus must be in doing what is best for your joint children. That them having a secure, nice, suitably sized home should be the primary aim of the settlement: this money is not for you it's for your joint kids. Keep saying it over and over because it's the truth and what may lead to an apparently uneven share of the housing part of the settlement, even for a short time.

It's going to be bumpy and horrible, but I wish you all the best.

Op what are your relative earnings? It’s likely you could be awarded higher share than 50% of equity.