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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How likely is it that my solicitor could be wrong?

36 replies

piscespickle · 30/10/2022 06:28

I am halfway through divorce and spending a fortune trying to agree on finances. My stbxh has painted a very convincing picture of us being broke with lots of debt. He’s self-employed. He’s kept a tight control on finances over the years and I trusted him.

My solicitor however, having gone through his Form E (he has withheld some information) is convinced that he is very wealthy.

He has made me a clean break offer and is putting pressure on me to accept and tie things up. My solicitor is convinced that what I should be looking at receiving is almost five times more what he’s offered!

He has form for dishonesty and is as slippery as shit but I just can’t get my head around any of it and don’t know who to believe.

Those close to me who I’ve told are equally convinced that he’s a liar and has spent years gaslighting, controlling and abusing me.

His stories on all aspects of life never add up. He’s broke but can afford luxury holidays for himself. He’s fat but never eats. His business is booming but he can’t take a salary. You get the picture.

Mediation failed as he threatened me in the session.

I just don’t know who to believe. My solicitor seems really switched on. My DH is either stupid and crap with money or really clever and trying to stitch me up big time.

What are the chances of my solicitor being totally wrong on this?

OP posts:
MintJulia · 30/10/2022 06:34

Your solicitor will have looked at things like revenues of the company since incorporation, taxes paid, spending patterns etc and will have seen it all before. Trust him.

If your solicitor is right, your 'd'h is committing fraud. It's a criminal offence. Most solicitors web sites have articles on divorce fraud. Have a read of some of the known cases.

Weenurse · 30/10/2022 06:36

Never been divorced, but I hope you get what you need and deserve.
Anyone you know who has used this solicitor who can guide you?

YeahmetooJill · 30/10/2022 06:54

I don’t understand this. You portray a picture of your Ex as a habitual liar, and your solicitor as someone who has methodically gone through the paperwork, yet you are asking who you should believe?

tenbob · 30/10/2022 06:56

YeahmetooJill · 30/10/2022 06:54

I don’t understand this. You portray a picture of your Ex as a habitual liar, and your solicitor as someone who has methodically gone through the paperwork, yet you are asking who you should believe?

This!

You seem to want us to convince you that your solicitor could be wrong.

Is there something about the idea of your Ex being very wealthy that is worrying or scaring you?

AnuSTart · 30/10/2022 06:57

What on earth. When I read the title I thought, well yes solicitors are human and expected it to be something about land rights and measurements of property.

Why on earth are you not believing your solicitor, everyone you know and your own eyes when it comes to your abusive ex ffs?????

He's really done a number on you.

Original poster
piscespickle · 30/10/2022 06:59

I know 😔

I suppose I find it scary that my DH could be quite so dishonest but equally scary that my solicitor could have got it so wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️

like I said I don’t know what to believe

i am also scared that if she’s right, and when he gets her counter-proposal, he is going to absolutely lose his shit!

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 30/10/2022 07:00

Go with the solicitor. Just leave it in her hands.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 30/10/2022 07:00

Presumably your solicitor has shown you all the financial data they have dug up. I don’t understand why you might disbelieve it especially if the evidence of your own eyes and those of your friends and family point clearly to him being dishonest and slippery.

Itsallok · 30/10/2022 07:02

Trust the professional - she will have seen it all before

listsandbudgets · 30/10/2022 07:03

I understand you wanting reassurance OP. You have been painted a picture of being plunged into even worse financial misery and impoverishment as a result of divorce.

Now your solicitor is offering a completely different prospect and you're finding it tough to believe the outcome could be far better than you ever hoped. Of course you want reassurance. Trust your solicitor .. its their job to get the best settlement for you and that will include probing his finances.

Original poster
piscespickle · 30/10/2022 07:04

I am aware I’m coming across as total idiot 😂

he has plausible answers to everything 🤷🏼‍♀️

my instinct is that yes she’s seen it before and does it day in and day out

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 30/10/2022 07:04

Go on Companies House website and look up his company. You will see an insight into his finances for yourself.

Original poster
piscespickle · 30/10/2022 07:05

listsandbudgets · 30/10/2022 07:03

I understand you wanting reassurance OP. You have been painted a picture of being plunged into even worse financial misery and impoverishment as a result of divorce.

Now your solicitor is offering a completely different prospect and you're finding it tough to believe the outcome could be far better than you ever hoped. Of course you want reassurance. Trust your solicitor .. its their job to get the best settlement for you and that will include probing his finances.

Thankyou 😔

OP posts:
Jacopo · 30/10/2022 07:05

So he receives the counter-proposal and will “lose his shit”?
So fucking what?

tenbob · 30/10/2022 07:07

piscespickle · 30/10/2022 06:59

I know 😔

I suppose I find it scary that my DH could be quite so dishonest but equally scary that my solicitor could have got it so wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️

like I said I don’t know what to believe

i am also scared that if she’s right, and when he gets her counter-proposal, he is going to absolutely lose his shit!

On the one hand there is someone who you know is a liar, who your friends tell you is lying to you, and who a qualified legal professional has said is lying… but on this occasion, when he has the most the gain by lying, you think he could be telling the truth

on the other hand, you have an experienced and qualified legal professional with presumably years of experience looking at people trying to hide money, who has given you her professional opinion
If she is wrong, she risks her reputation, her job and potentially her professional licence

But having weighed up both of these, you don’t know who to believe?!

Are you that scared of confronting him about his lying that you would rather convince yourself a solicitor is wrong and he is honest, in the face of everything else?

Ekátn · 30/10/2022 07:07

It seems fairly obvious that your solicitor is right.

However, I think the question is going to be what is the solicitors plan. Knowing it and proving it are 2 different things. I think you need to be asking your solicitor, how they plan to prove it, how much they think they can prove and what the likely outcome is.

Unfortunately, when it comes to divorcing wealthy people they usually have the knowledge and mean to hide it. At some point a decision need to be made. You can spend thousands and thousands in legal fees trying to get ‘what’s fair’ and end up with not much once you paid the fees. You need to understand what the solicitor can realistically prove.

It’s fairly obvious your ex is hiding money. But can your solicitors prove it?

while you solicitor is on your side, they are also their own source of income. You do, occasionally, get solicitors who will encourage people to drag out divorces to earn more. Not always to the benefit of their client.

You need to understand the realistic outcome.

napody · 30/10/2022 07:09

piscespickle · 30/10/2022 06:59

I know 😔

I suppose I find it scary that my DH could be quite so dishonest but equally scary that my solicitor could have got it so wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️

like I said I don’t know what to believe

i am also scared that if she’s right, and when he gets her counter-proposal, he is going to absolutely lose his shit!

You're feeling like this because you're scared of him and have never 'gone against' him like this. Let her handle it. Its not your fault he is choosing to commit fraud. Do you have children? If not you don't have to have any contact... if yes be looking into supervised contact if he threatened you at mediation.

Original poster
piscespickle · 30/10/2022 07:09

Are you that scared of confronting him about his lying that you would rather convince yourself a solicitor is wrong and he is honest, in the face of everything else?

yes I am 😔

OP posts:
Remainiac · 30/10/2022 07:12

These lawyers are specialists, they know what they’re looking for and where to find it. They’ve seen every attempt to hide information that leads to the money.
My barrister went through ExH’s bank statements on the train as she traveled to the hearing. By the the time she arrived she knew there was a hidden account. The judge adjourned the hearing for two hours and told Ex to produce all the statements or be found in contempt. They can lose their shit all they like, the law is the law.

napody · 30/10/2022 07:14

Ekátn · 30/10/2022 07:07

It seems fairly obvious that your solicitor is right.

However, I think the question is going to be what is the solicitors plan. Knowing it and proving it are 2 different things. I think you need to be asking your solicitor, how they plan to prove it, how much they think they can prove and what the likely outcome is.

Unfortunately, when it comes to divorcing wealthy people they usually have the knowledge and mean to hide it. At some point a decision need to be made. You can spend thousands and thousands in legal fees trying to get ‘what’s fair’ and end up with not much once you paid the fees. You need to understand what the solicitor can realistically prove.

It’s fairly obvious your ex is hiding money. But can your solicitors prove it?

while you solicitor is on your side, they are also their own source of income. You do, occasionally, get solicitors who will encourage people to drag out divorces to earn more. Not always to the benefit of their client.

You need to understand the realistic outcome.

I think asking the solicitor to break down her plan is a good idea.
But we are talking a settlement 5x the size plus of the one offered.
That's not going to be swallowed in legal fees. I know plenty of wealthy people (men) who have been absolutely trounced by the courts by trying to hide assets. He is definitely not untouchable, and if the solicitor has figured it out already probably not as sneaky as he thinks he is.

picklemewalnuts · 30/10/2022 07:14

I get it, OP. It's not just having to accept how awfully he's behaved in the past, it's fear of what will happen next.

Ask her what the possible outcomes are, worst case, given he's an abusive arse. Get some parameters in, and see how it feels.

He's done a number on you,trained you to tow the line. Give yourself a bit of time to come to terms.

Any children? Are you physically separated?

lightand · 30/10/2022 07:14

YeahmetooJill · 30/10/2022 06:54

I don’t understand this. You portray a picture of your Ex as a habitual liar, and your solicitor as someone who has methodically gone through the paperwork, yet you are asking who you should believe?

Quite

Original poster
piscespickle · 30/10/2022 07:17

picklemewalnuts · 30/10/2022 07:14

I get it, OP. It's not just having to accept how awfully he's behaved in the past, it's fear of what will happen next.

Ask her what the possible outcomes are, worst case, given he's an abusive arse. Get some parameters in, and see how it feels.

He's done a number on you,trained you to tow the line. Give yourself a bit of time to come to terms.

Any children? Are you physically separated?

Thankyou. We have children and are still in the same house because he won’t move out. We are due to get the conditional order any day.

I do know that it seems very obvious what is going on. I just can’t believe i have been so manipulated I suppose. I feel incredibly stupid!

OP posts:
napody · 30/10/2022 07:20

Ah, sorry to hear this OP. Are you in touch with women's aid? Hope the conditional order arrives soon. You will able to think a lot clearer when not living in fear (which you clearly area). And absolutely reasonable to ask your solicitor not to 'break the news' whilst he's still in the house.

napody · 30/10/2022 07:20

*are