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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

XH has spent thousands booking his wedding before divorce is finalised

70 replies

lente · 24/10/2022 19:31

I divorced woman-beater and emotionally abusive ex after a marriage of over twenty years. He has since found a gold digger who ignores all the red flags partner in record time and booked their wedding but the decree absolute isn't granted yet. I applied for it and they asked me to explain why it took so long between the nisi and applying for absolute, a period of just over one year. I explained that there were constant arguments about the financial arrangement and it took time to reach an agreement, hence the delay. So following that I think the absolute should come at any minute now. But I'm just gobsmacked at his confidence in booking in a grand wedding with someone he's known a couple of months before the divorce is final. I'm kinda hoping there's some unusual catastrophic delay and it doesn't come through on time. Big country manor wedding booked and invitations gone out. Our wedding was abroad so probably not on the UK "system" but the fact that we're divorcing means that it's on the records somewhere surely? The wedding is in four weeks

OP posts:
mileaminnie · 24/10/2022 19:39

I know the sensible advice would be to be the bigger person, but I would also be slyly hoping for an administrative mix up which meant that the divorce wouldn't be finalised in four weeks.

DeeofDenmark · 24/10/2022 19:54

When is the wedding because they will have to announce it legally and cannot do that if he is still married?

GettingItOutThere · 24/10/2022 19:58

yeah....i would be delaying for 4 weeks

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/10/2022 19:59

Do their banns come out next week? I think there's your window to show the registrar that he is still married. Isn't that part of what the banns are for?

WOPTF · 24/10/2022 20:00

Im pretty sure he won't be able to give notice of marriage without his decree absolute. So he isn't getting married in 4 weeks.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 24/10/2022 20:01

Could he be trying to rush the new marriage in so when they split it turns out their marriage is invalid due to him being married, and she gets nothing?

40andfit · 24/10/2022 20:03

There must be a registrar on MN who can explain the reading if the banns.

LovelyBitOfSquirrel69 · 24/10/2022 20:06

When I got married for the second time I had to provide evidence of my divorce to the registrar a few weeks before.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/10/2022 20:06

Ok this is interesting - notice must be given 29 days in advance at least and a decree absoloute must be provided.

So he either hasn't done the Notice or hasn't been truthful about his marriage.

XH has spent thousands booking his wedding before divorce is finalised
XH has spent thousands booking his wedding before divorce is finalised
40andfit · 24/10/2022 20:07

I’m too invested in this. He has to give notice 28 days before he gets married and this includes showing his decree absolute

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/getting-married/

toomuchlaundry · 24/10/2022 20:09

Is he using marital funds to pay for it?

oldstudentmum · 24/10/2022 20:09

many years ago when my mother remarried her stbh got his absolute paperwork just days before, the delay was all down to solicitor. I do think though they both hand to show their absolutes to registry office prior to marriage.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 24/10/2022 20:10

I knew someone that did this, except he was just seperated, not planning to actually divorce at all. He'd been seperated for a long long time and seemed to think no one (like his parents, his kids etc) would notice Hmm

In the end they skipped the actual wedding bit - which had been booked till various people had pointed out bigmay isn't a great idea - and they just had the reception. Totally bizarre.

Lucky though, as poor woman no2 realised what an abusive arsehole he is a few weeks later and was able to swiftly exit stage left with no complications.

MadeForThis · 24/10/2022 20:13

Maybe he's just having a blessing instead of a legal wedding and will do the official bit quietly once the divorce comes through.

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/10/2022 20:14

DPs ex did this. Turned out she lied to her fiance about being divorced. Main difference, she hasnt even filed for divorce yet, much less got to the decree stage!

They had to cancel. As far as I know he still doesnt know she isnt divorced, she persuaded him to wait a couple of years so they could save up for their "dream" wedding......dream wedding presumably being one that doesnt involve bigamy.

elizabethdraper · 24/10/2022 20:18

Meh, let him get on with it. It doesn't effect your life

Lunde · 24/10/2022 20:19

My ex did this . in the days before you needed to produce the certificate a month in advance. I have no idea what he told the Minister when booking the next wedding

Then our divorce was delayed - ex "saved money" by having no solicitor. My solicitor died suddenly and unexpectedly - whoever put the paperwork together made a mistake which was noticed by the judge and the decree nisi was put off to a future hearing.....

I did think about just not chasing it .... petty revenge against ex and OW. But in the end couldn't do it to my lovely ex-MIL.

The decree absolute was not granted until 5 days before his second wedding

lente · 24/10/2022 21:12

Well this is all very interesting. I didn't know about this "giving notice". I've seen the wedding invitation and I know of people invited. It's all very confusing. Maybe it's just a pretend wedding like @GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut example

OP posts:
lente · 24/10/2022 21:14

Amazed at some of these stories

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reallyworriedjobhunter · 24/10/2022 21:19

Yeah - my DH had to show all his paperwork to the registrar at the town hall beforehand.

lente · 24/10/2022 21:22

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/10/2022 20:06

Ok this is interesting - notice must be given 29 days in advance at least and a decree absoloute must be provided.

So he either hasn't done the Notice or hasn't been truthful about his marriage.

After seeing this and the CAB link posted upthread I'm thinking it can't be a legal wedding. The only thing going for him is the income, which he spends copiously, and I'm sure that's why she's marrying him. So if it isn't a legal wedding I don't know why she's doing this, but oh well

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/10/2022 21:26

Can you ask a mutual friend for more info?

lente · 24/10/2022 21:29

What sort of info? Friends who are invited are just shocked at the swiftness, but they don't know anything other than date and venue etc.

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/10/2022 21:32

More if its legit. So if they are good friends with you both, "looking forward to the wedding next week, assume the decree absoloute came through in time phew!"

RandomMess · 24/10/2022 21:52

I would just drop into your friends that it won't be a legal wedding seeing as though you aren't divorced yet!

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