How do I stop crying?

[OnMyOwnSoSad]

For those who have seen my other thread in my DH's mental health issues you will know he ended our marriage yesterday. I'm now staying somewhere else for a few days to try and at least start to come to terms with it.

I have sobbed all night and I just can't stop. I feel bereft. How do I get through this? I can't see passed the fact that he won't be there anymore.

Please tell me this gets better.

I'm sorry you went through that @sandgrown - it sounds very hard. DH seems to be in denial about how I'll he is and the impact it's having on us.

@Ladybug14 @CleopatrasBeautifulNose @25yearsofmarriaganditsover - thank you for your supportive and kind words. They help immensely.

I just wanted to say that you’re not alone.

My ex partner and I broke up just last week. He had been treating me more and more unkindly over the last year, in incredibly small increments, as a result of his poor mental health.

It reached a point where I couldn’t go on if there was no change in the relationship. When I told him this, he told me that he did’t believe that there would be any change, and that he wasn’t willing or able to try.

He has refused couple therapy, individual therapy, medical help, or any other type of help, either with me, by himself, or as a couple.

I don’t know what has been going on between you and your ex(?) partner, but it is not possible to help people who refuse help, or to fix people for them.

It is no good very bad to break up at this time of year. But it’s worse to be miserable and lonely while still in a relationship that is a relationship by name, only.

I’m sending hugs and solidarity.

Hear, hear. Well said. It’s not until you separate you see the ridiculous compromise your life had become. We have 4000 weeks of life on average. Being on your own is more authentic than walking on eggshells in a flawed relationship.

@SecondStarAndSoar - I'm so sorry to hear about your partner. Your words make a lot of sense. We are still nominally together but not sure for how much longer. I'm currently staying put to get Christmas out of the way. I'm so, so tired now...

@25yearsofmarriaganditsover - it's just a matter of time now, I'm going at my own pace which is helping me deal with things... it is still awful though...

Strongly agree. It is awful. There is a strength in acknowledging the awfulness and yet you are still carrying on. That’s an achievement, everything you do each day is an achievement. There will be better times to come, so keep that thought, that sense of possibility, help it motivate you while not looking ahead and tackling each day, one at a time, giving yourself plenty of treats and kindnesses.

It's been a while since I posted, but have been lurking on the boards... I'm sat in my car waiting to view a flat to move into. I know it's the right thing to do but the pain is still awful. Things have not got better, worse if anything.

Has anyone separated from their DH whilst still loving them but knowing they simply can't live with their MH problems anymore?

I feel so awful. I know it will get better but today I'm struggling. I want him to go to a doctor and get some help, but he doesn't see it as him being ill, if anything he thinks it's me that's the problem.

Blaming others for something which could, at least in part, be your issue - isn't an attractive quality

Good luck with the flat ❤️

I hope its clear that by 'your issue' I mean your partners issue. He's blaming you. It makes him v unattractive

Hi.

Sorry to read your post and the situation that now faces you. Whilst I am really sure you do not want to feel this way I would encourage you to just go with what your body and head does. You are releasing unwanted emotions which I believe will benefit you at some point.

I think in the very early stages of a separation we try and imagine the future rather than deal with ourselves in the moment. If you have support use it and don't beat yourself up and be kind to you. It is probably a good idea to recognise now that you will have days that are pants and days you have managed to get through without too much drama or heartache.
I wish you well but for now do what makes you mindfully settled.

Wise words... thank you...

Absolutely agree 👍

I’m so sorry, it’s really hard, so painful. I recently read Eckhart Tolle’s book ‘A New Earth’ which helped me, even though the practice is difficult he does help put suffering in context. Keep going.

Do speak to a solicitor before signing fora property to rent as if you are housed you are much less likely to get the marital home (assuming it is a property you both own). Moving out is often unwise from a legal point of view.