Agree to 50/50 for the children even if I did most of parenting?

[londonnest]

My DH and I are in the process of getting a divorce. He’s proposed a 50/50 split for our two young children (both under 6). I think coming to an agreement between us would be better than having to go through the court or an arbitrator. But for most of the children’s lives, I’ve been the primary carer so I think the children should spent the majority of the time with me (for example alternate weekends and one overnight stay during the week with him). Should I fight for more than 50/50?

When the children were young, I stayed home with them for almost 2 years. DH also took some extended time off from work. But since, he’s focused back on his career (and social life) and lets me handle the vast majority of the parenting. Even at weekends or evenings, he doesn’t help me much. He enjoys doing the ‘fun stuff’ with them (when it’s convenient for him). The rest of the time, he’s happy to put them in front of the TV so that he can do what he wants and rest. He can’t be bothered to help with homework, doctors visits, etc. To be fair, he does read them stories in the evening when he’s home; and he does some school drop offs/pick ups (when it suits his schedule).
He now wants me to move out of the house (he can afford the mortgage, I can’t). I hate the idea.

I don’t think it’s fair that he should get 50% of the time with them. I don’t think it’s in the best interest of the children either. He says that we have different parenting styles but I don’t think they’re equally good for the children!

Whenever he spends a bit of time with them, he always complains about how tired he is. So I’m not entirely sure why he even wants 50/50 other than he’s delusional about his parenting abilities!
We still need to sort out finances (and that won’t be easy as he’s not being reasonable) but my main question is what to do with the children. Can I make a case for having the children the majority of the time?

I would actually NOT go fighting for the house, if you cannot afford to maintain it. As you say it's a status symbol you can get something more practical on the finances you will get.

You should concentrate on getting as good a financial package as you can. Work out a house budget what gives the kids a bedroom each - assuming that's what they have now - stays within/sensible commute to school catchment etc and go from there. That would be better for all of you than a status symbol house he resents you having.

Don't forget that pensions are included in a financial split as well as any other investments - I mention this because you say he's a higher earner.

You can ask what his plans are re childcare and if the answer is 'a nanny' then you can say that it is in the interests of the kids to be with you rather than a nanny and ask that you get first refusal if he cannot be there in person for them. This might lead to a different approach.

Also second the laying out what 50/50 actually means. Perhaps tell him you will try 50/50 1 week one 1 week off whilst living in the same house. You will take 12th Sept with his first week being 19th Sept... see how he gets on!

In my experience they ALL say they want 50:50 without any real thought of what that looks like, the massive commitment involved. My ex seemed to think that he would have them weekends and holidays and was gobsmacked when I pointed out that actually that wasn’t what “half” the time looked like, and how did he imagine the school run would happen etc. What became clear is that he thought I would just pick up the slack as I always had, and fit in around HIS schedule. His solicitor put him right on that.

This is interesting

www.kabirfamilylaw.co.uk/shared-custody-arrangements/