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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husbands ex wife coming after my income

119 replies

Amum4444 · 23/08/2022 18:33

Hi,
just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation. My husband and I married last year and he has been trying to achieve a clean break. He and ex wife thought they had effectively severed any ties when they divorced. I believe they did the divorce a few years back without a solicitor.
husband pays child maintenance without fail for one child at £500 per month. Whilst ex initially agreed to sign a clean break she has had a change of heart and is doing everything to bring me into the proceedings as she wants me to contribute to her finances . The ex worked when they were together they have one child. She lives with new partner with another child she pays no bills he pays everything and spent her money from the house on cosmetic surgeries (10k) holidays and adding an extension to her new partners house. She now says that because my husband married me he can afford to give her £2k a month. She also says she needs more money in case she wants to leave her new partner. Her solicitor wants all my bank accounts and details of my income. I’ve refused but know I will be ordered to disclose this. It seems so unfair that I work flat out full time at the cost of missing out on my own three children to pay for someone to sit at home all day who fit to work.
Grateful for anyone’s similar experiences. This is causing so much stress and upset. I do not want my private details all out in the open and I do not want to be part of this court case. Incidentally my husband and I do not have joint accounts. We merely split household bills 50/50 and that’s it. This was because he had obligations to his child and I have my 3 children from a previous relationship.

OP posts:
TheNefariousOrange · 23/08/2022 19:57

Sorry, loads of typos in there 😬

millymollymoomoo · 23/08/2022 20:07

Did they do any sort of financial split of assets already? House sold? Anything?

while she can’t claim directly from you it can be argued that your husband’s needs are less therefore has £ they could go to her. likelihood probably slim but….

they can ask fir your income details but you can refuse and your husband can state get does not know. Suggest you separate your finances if they are not - eg your pay into your own bank account

I don’t really understand how your husband dud not realise he did not have a sealed consent order

Original poster
Amum4444 · 23/08/2022 20:08

yep - They both (or at least he) thought the divorce meant financial separation so I thought so too. I do wonder whether she kept quiet waiting for us to marry to then want to bring a claim so she could request all my info and maximise her claim.
to answer other questions, no reason she can’t work but says she should be a stay at home mum because she wants to be home when her child gets home from school because child is upset they divorced.child is 12. I think this is a poor excuse but she thinks it’s justification not to get a job. I think also she believes it will help her claim for more spousal maintenance as it makes her look hard done to. Find it all very odd. Appreciate some people can’t work for genuine reasons but don’t think the excuse is good enough why can’t she work part time during school hours?

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 23/08/2022 20:09

If child is secondary aged, she will be expected to work and maximise her income

comfortablyfrumpy · 23/08/2022 20:13

What did they do about splitting assets? Is she saying now that she should have had more?

Lightuptheroom · 23/08/2022 20:14

She'll be expected to find full time employment, the child is old enough

Original poster
Amum4444 · 23/08/2022 20:18

They split house 50/50 and for the first year I believe he paid mortgage and all bills and would have continued to do so but she fell pregnant with baby to new partner so wanted to move in with him. They split the house 50/50 but now she wants more because she says he’s married me who she knows is well off. This must be just all assumed because I don’t know how she’s even know what I earn.

thinking about things although she says she shouldn’t work so she can be home for her child, the truth is she had a 2 year old (with her partner) - would this justify her not maximising income. She hasn’t mentioned this as a reason though

OP posts:
MichaelAndEagle · 23/08/2022 20:20

while she can’t claim directly from you it can be argued that your husband’s needs are less therefore has £ they could go to her

Yes this is the point.
When agreeing a financial settlement it is about dividing joint assets held whilst they were married. But they will be divided according to need, rather than who brought what.
So your husband is now married to you, if you are a high earner (for arguments sake) he has less 'need' of the assets.
So your income is taken into account when assessing his need.

How were the assets split when they divorced? Who got the house, savings etc if there were any, and how was that decided?

MichaelAndEagle · 23/08/2022 20:21

Sorry cross posted. Just seen your update.
I think its best to get a solicitor of your own who acts in your interest.

Original poster
Amum4444 · 23/08/2022 20:25

Thanks - so am I expected to prop him up so he can pay her more? Surely this is just going to strain me having to pay more out on bills? Do you think judge will order I disclose income? I really want my surplus funds to be put away for my children. This terrifies me.

OP posts:
Catfordthefifth · 23/08/2022 20:27

Amum4444 · 23/08/2022 20:25

Thanks - so am I expected to prop him up so he can pay her more? Surely this is just going to strain me having to pay more out on bills? Do you think judge will order I disclose income? I really want my surplus funds to be put away for my children. This terrifies me.

I bloody well hope not. Surely any sane judge would not order you to pay for her new child (which is essentially what she's asking for in short isn't it)

The bloody liberty.

Wheresmymoneytree · 23/08/2022 20:27

Don’t panic! I was in this scenario and they never asked again. It was requested on form E (I think that’s the name), my partner made a note to say I refused to tell him.

His ex brought it up in court that our pensions were really high compared to hers the judge said that mine was irrelevant as I am not apart of the divorce proceedings and that she had chosen to not have one (worked but never sorted a pension). She also mentioned both mine and DPs cars as assets that hadn’t been declared, the judge again said mine was irrelevant and queried DPs who explained I had purchased it so they didn’t consider that either as it is legally mine (I paid 50% and the finance was in my name and DP paying me back so we weren’t scamming her, I was protecting myself). Later she mentioned that we were earning £80k compared to her £30k and the judge explained they would only take his into account and not mine.

lickenchugget · 23/08/2022 20:31

says she should be a stay at home mum because she wants to be home when her child gets home from school because child is upset they divorced.child is 12.

This would be laughed out of court.

lickenchugget · 23/08/2022 20:33

Amum4444 · 23/08/2022 20:25

Thanks - so am I expected to prop him up so he can pay her more? Surely this is just going to strain me having to pay more out on bills? Do you think judge will order I disclose income? I really want my surplus funds to be put away for my children. This terrifies me.

No, you won’t be!! They have sent a demanding, scary-sounding letter in the hope that you’ll indeed be scared and settle as too frightened to go to court.

It won’t go anywhere.

If you’re worried, book a 30 minute legal appointment for your own peace of mind, with a family solicitor.

Sunshine847 · 23/08/2022 20:42

In one of your posts you mentioned a new partner and baby for his ex wife? If that's the case I thought you could no longer claim spousal maintenance when living with a new partner. Worth getting a 30 min free appointment with a solicitor for peace of mind

Randomthoughts992 · 23/08/2022 20:58

Meh, Id make him go for 50/50 custody and stop sending ANY money to her. see how she likes that the bitch

Caroffee · 23/08/2022 21:03

So shocked. Surely she has no claim on your money and earnings?

Pasithean · 23/08/2022 21:05

My DH’ s wife did this she got nowhere.

GoneWithTheWine1 · 23/08/2022 21:10

I'd stop sending her money. Make her go to CSA.
And don't show her your bank statements, what you earn isn't hers to take. No court would agree to this.

frazzledasarock · 23/08/2022 21:13

I had a spousal maintenance order against ex. The order expressly stipulated that the payments would end if I married or entered into a relationship and lived with anyone.

your DH may want to double check.

ivykaty44 · 23/08/2022 21:22

go back and insist you have her new partners bank details and see whether they like the same treatment....

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 23/08/2022 21:28

Your wages are in absolutely no way any of her business. If you were a millionaire she isn't entitled to a bean.

Example of shite a solicitor will demand..
Exh had a letter sent to me demanding I remove my new blinds as he could no longer see into my new home. Those words.
I ignored the letter.
No judge ordered I remove them.
So I didn't...

Ignore.
Ignore
Ignore..

lickenchugget · 23/08/2022 21:32

DH ExW demanded he put money into her lawyers bank account so she could try to claim for more spousal maintenance, as her claim was so poor, her lawyer wasn’t prepared to act for her without upfront funds.

He didn’t… The End. 🤣

There are some seriously cowboy lawyers out there.

Uberstar · 23/08/2022 21:42

Been through this! My husband was divorced, we remarried but they had not settled any finances.
when we married her solicitor asked for proof of my income, bank statements ect, and she was asking for spousal maintenance, on-top of the already huge payments he made for his children. Once we checked with a solicitor, it was just so the courts could see if I earned significantly more than my husband, because they would expect I would contribute more to the household as the main Breadwinner, thus freeing up his income for spousal maintenance. I refused as it was only the solicitor asking not the courts and because I didn’t want her going over my bank statements checking every penny I spent!
I never married her, he did. I was furious she was happy to drag me into their bitter dispute years after they split
however, his ex earned more than we did, she had a hidden boyfriend she forgot to tell the courts about who contributed to the household and she was laughed out of court!
Hope all goes ok OP x

Dacquoise · 23/08/2022 21:55

So the reason she can't work is because she has a child with a new partner. Not sure how you can expect an exH to supplement her income in this situation?!? Also there was a recent landmark case where maintenance was refused because it was suspected that the wife was in a committed new relationship. This situation looks like confirmed relationship. Clean breaks are favoured over spousal maintenance.

However the house situation is complicated. Will she be able to pay the mortgage on her own or does she need to move?

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