Children and housing

[Summerbubbles]

Does anyone have any experience or advice to share?
I will be seeing a solicitor tomorrow.

We have been married 10 years, bought a house together 16 years ago.
3 children aged 5, 9 and 11.

How likely will it be that I can remain in the family home with the children? I can afford to take over monthly payments on the mortgage but not if it involves me having to pay him his whole share of equity immediately.

What options have other people worked out? Thanks in advance for any help. Getting very stressed about the whole thing.

It will depend on a variety of factors: his income, how you plan to share child contact, whether he will be in a position to provide a similarly sized home of his own for the children without a share of the equity, your earning capacity and so on. Courts tend to favour clean breaks, and the idea that the children should have two relatively equal homes (and not have to sleep on blow up mattresses in the living room of a one bedroom flat when they’re with dad because that’s all he can afford) particularly where the NRP isn’t an especially high earner. If you want to remain then your solicitor will make a case for your particular circumstances meaning it’s the best option for all concerned.

Many women find that it just kicks the can further down the road and wasn’t a great decision to hold onto the house: at some point you’ll need to either buy him out or sell, and it won’t necessarily be when you’re in the best financial position to do so. Do consider all your options.

I earn less than half of what he earns. He could easily afford a similar house. But wants the full amount of his equity immediately as he wants to get a house worth over twice the price of the family home. He doesn't want the children overnight at all.

Do you have other assets or debts beside the mortgage and house? He should have a good pension if a high earner. If he had a good pension you might be able to say you won't take your share of that in return you get more/all house equity. Depending on relevant values. Since you're married it's unlikely either of you would have an automatic share of the house equity. Theoretically starting at 50/50 but depending on the DC needs and other relevant factors. If he's having no overnights that reduces his housing needs as only you need to accommodate the DC. Write all the details you can think of about assets and debts down before you see the solicitor. They should be able to give you a rough idea of what the likely outcome would be.

Courts generally don’t like mesher orders ( where your ex share is deferred) and will look at all options to avoid it - but they can and do still give them in some circumstances

also they generally don’t like long ones so I not your youngest us only 5- are you proposing to delay his share for 13 years

of course it will friend in many factors. Your solicitor will advise

Check what benefits your are entitled too.
With child maintenance and perhaps others you may not be as badly off as you think.

I wouldn't want to wait 13 years.
I just have no savings or ability to just find his half of the equity with no notice.
On my wage I can support the mortgage payments but can't increase it to release his equity.
If I were to sell the rent on a similar house would be around 60% more than the current mortgage and my children would have no stability.

What is his expectation? I’m going to assume it’s that you sell the house and he gets half the equity? If that’s the case and he isn’t interested in the children, what does he think you’re going to do with housing his kids adequately?

I assume if he doesn’t want the children overnight there will be a maintenance payment. Would this help you budget?

As echoed before look at other assets such as pensions etc so see if you can negotiate more of the equity.

What other assets are there? Pension for instance. I know someone who got the house and waived spousal support (high earner)

There are no other assets really. Our pensions are about equal, I earn less but have paid in longer, so it's better to just keep our own pensions separate.
The only savings we have are in our children's accounts for when they reach 18.
I have a car on finance. He owns a car.

I have already budgeted for using the maintenance to pay for food etc.

His expectation is I pay him around 80% of the equity in the house. We originally bought as tenants in common with me holding a 55% share. We have contributed 50/50 to all mortgage payments and bills the entire time we have been together. I have paid for everything for the children and house maintenance and improvements.
He has difficulty budgeting and has had various addictions throughout our relationship.
I have got no idea why he's decided on the figure he has.

Why on earth does he think you need to pay 80%?!

Why doesnt he want dc overnight?
If you die
They would go to him
He should "practice" having them ?

He's basically added up half of all the mortgage payments that have ever been made and that's what he wants. He doesn't understand that most of those payments disappear as interest and don't become equity.

He wants to move on and start afresh without any responsibility.
If I die, they would probably end up with my mum or brother.

He wouldn't get 80%?? How much equity can you afford to give? Or could you sell house split the equity and you buy a cheaper house?

Selling to buy something cheaper isn't an option because this is the cheapest type of house in the area.
The only way to get cheaper would be to give up my job and move further north, but then I wouldn't have a job or support network to enable me to work. So not really an option.

I could remortgage a slightly higher amount to give him enough for a deposit for a new similar house for him, along with fees and money for furniture etc. Three bed terrace ex local authority. But he now wants a 4 bed detached with garage and driveway in a nicer area..... something we could never afford when we were together.

I'm in a similar position and have been advised by 3 solicitors that it's likely our split would be at least 60/40 in my favour. They look at length of relationship not just the marriage, your current and future earning potential, his earnings, and most importantly the children's housing needs and who they will be living with.

I was told whilst a clean break is preferred it is possible to offer my ex an amount of our equity now with the remaining amount agreed to be paid at a later date. He would need to agree to this though. I'd be either taking the mortgage over or paying it off.

It sounds like you're in a strong position to remain in the marital home and I highly doubt he'd get 80% of the equity, or even 50%!

Just get a good lawyer
What he wants with zero responsibility
Is not what he gets
Plus you should get his pension (some of) maybe in lieu of pension you get more house
Dont engage with him
Go to solicitor

He would not get 80% full stop. There is no way. However it is divided you are much more likely to get more than he will, so please go through a solicitor to stop yourself worrying about backing out. Good luck OP.

He won’t get 80%

based on your lower income and housing 3 children full time it’s much more likely you’d be awarded 80%

its vitaL you see a solicitor!

he’s talking nonsense !

It’s almost helpful that he’s expectations are so ridiculous. Get a good lawyer.

If you look at extending the term of your mortgage, that would likely make the payments more affordable, so you could borrow more to give him some equity now, rather than later. Then it's a cleaner break, you can both move on.
He is however, being ridiculous, wanting a 4 bed house, but not wanting the children overnight, he's a real delight. Get a good, recommended solicitor.

If you were to sell the house and rent and your share of the equity from the house is over 16k then you would not be eligible to claim any benefits either, although the equity/ capital can be disregarded for a period of time if being used for another property purchase.

It sounds as though your situation is similar to mine in some respects. My 3 children are similar ages and live with me full time (my ex decided to rent a 1 bed flat, although he can afford bigger, so he has no space for them). He earns more than me as I work part time so that I can be there for the children etc, I am looking to increase my hours, am starting a college course in September to try to better my job prospects and I have had to claim universal credit. Our pensions are very similar, no savings, a few thousand debt on credit cards each, cars only worth £3-4k.

With universal credit and child maintenance I have managed to take over all of the mortgage payments and household bills for the last year. My ex wants his money from the house ASAP and is wanting a straight 50:50 split. My solicitor thinks it is more a case of 60:40 or 70:30 though due to the difference in earning capacities and because the children live with me. It sounds as though you would be looking at a similar split (the 80% he is hoping for is laughable).

I would love to stay where I am for a few years, give the children a bit more stability and me time to get my life in order but I don't know how likely that is. The problem with a delayed sale is that it often ends up just pushing the same problem further down the line. If you will struggle to get a big enough mortgage etc. you may have the same issue but would then have less years to pay a mortgage over so monthly costs would be higher. If you did sell and then rented for a bit, any universal credit (if you have had to claim it) would stop if you have more than £16k in savings.

Are you able to get a mortgage on your own for a reasonable amount or do you not earn enough? I am having to look at a mortgage with a family member to be able to borrow enough but the interest rate would be higher and I would need to have it over a shorter term as the family member is older than me and so it may be completely unaffordable. If I sell and can't get a mortgage, rent where I am would cost over double what I pay in mortgage payments right now and my universal credit would stop, so within 3 and a half years all of my money from the house sale would have been spent. The other option is to move to a cheaper area, and like you that means having to leave my job and the children be uprooted. It's a horrible situation to be in.

Why does your ex think he needs a 4 bed detached house if that is bigger than you were living in before the split and if he doesn't have the children over?

He thinks he deserves a 4 bed detached because he has delusions of grandeur and has always looked down on where we live but has been unable to provide financially to get a bigger family home.
I've spoken to a solicitor and it's worse than I feared. He has so much debt that it's likely a judge would expect all the equity of the house to be used to pay that off before splitting what's left.
The remainder would be no way near enough for a deposit, I wouldn't be able to rent a three bed in this area, so me and the children will end up homeless.
This was debt he accrued alone and I had no idea about before march this year.