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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Settlement advice

46 replies

Bee63 · 12/08/2022 16:59

Hello,
I've completely NC for this as it's my first time posting on the divorce forum.
I'm in the process of divorcing after 20+ years of marriage and trying to get a view on what spousal support I might be entitled to.
STBX earns just over £3,000 pm nett. I earn £1,100 nett but I work school hours only. STBX is 60 and I'm 59. Children are grown up.
There is enough capital to be split between us to allow each of us to buy a suitable home outright with a further £150k each in savings on top.
We've reached an agreement on sharing his pension that I'm happy with (index linked final salary).
Things have been reasonably amicable so far, but we're starting to fall out over spousal support to meet my shortfall in living expenses until retirement.
STBX has offered £500 pm for 2 to 3 years but then expects me to work more hours and/or supplement my shortfall with savings. My solicitor wants to play hardball and push for spousal support through to my retirement.
I've spoken to a number of people and the advice all seems very unclear and inconsistent. We did go to a mediation session some time ago where, to be honest, the mediator seemed to be more on his side.
STBX seems to think that he is being generous in offering any spousal support at all.
I'd be grateful for any advice on what you think would be appropriate?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 12/08/2022 21:05

Why can’t you work more hours? Why should he have to pick up the shortfall?
your children are not minor dependents so you you should work full time imo

yiu are housed adequately and have generous savings, I don’t see a case for spousal at all here if you choose to work less hours

millymollymoomoo · 12/08/2022 21:07

I agree with your husband tbh. You want more income, work more hours

titchy · 12/08/2022 21:15

If his net is £3k a month his salary can't be much more than £55k - nowhere near the amount where spousal becomes an option. Is your solicitor suggesting it to run up a bill?

As others have said is there any reason you can't work full time now? Part time hours with no dependants is a luxury you can no longer afford.

Hotmess1 · 13/08/2022 06:24

I agree with the above, you’re coming across as grabby here - increase your hours if you can, why should he be topping up your income? 🙄

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 13/08/2022 06:26

Why can't you work more to get more money? Why should he have to subsidise you? I highly doubt you'd get spousal granted on his wage tbh.

sorrynotathome · 13/08/2022 06:29

Spousal support doesn’t seem justified in your case at all. At your stage in life just a 50:50 split of assets, which you have done. He is being generous, esp as you have savings you can use if you don’t want to work more.

Wellthatgotbetter · 13/08/2022 06:30

So you’re expected to get a second job, because presumably the school job is only schoool/term time only?

yes go for spousal until retirement - you took the hit enormously on your career and income by having the children. Alternatively push for a higher % of the assets.

ArcticSkewer · 13/08/2022 06:34

If he's willing to pay that, you are already lucky. Your solicitor probably thinks he is an idiot, so why not be even more cheeky!

Did you split pensions 50:50 as well and get his pension valued separately by an auditor? There might be more money there than the £6k a year you are trying to get in spousal

ClocksGoingBackwards · 13/08/2022 06:37

Why do you think you shouldn’t have to increase your working hours yourself? Is there a reason you can’t work more hours? Otherwise it just comes across as lazy.

Honestly, he shouldn’t have to work full time to support you after your divorce. You have more responsibility to support yourself than he does.

youlightupmyday · 13/08/2022 06:37

It would be unreasonable for you to change careers at this stage. So this is tricky.

Do you have children together?

I am sorry that this uncertainty is happening to you both at this stage of your lives, as I cannot see either of you being able to maximise your income further.

Wellthatgotbetter · 13/08/2022 06:38

But she took the hit on her career with having children and his earning capacity is higher.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 13/08/2022 06:44

He’s not on a large salary so I’d be grateful for what he’s offering.
You’re able to buy a house outright, will have £150k in savings, have a share of his pension that you’re happy with and earn £1,100 net per month. Not entirely sure what shortfall in living expenses you’re talking about.

Mindymomo · 13/08/2022 06:48

I think if after buying news houses, you both will have £150,000 in savings, then £500 per month for next 2/3 years would be more than acceptable and not worth falling out if it’s been amicable so far.

Readinginthesun · 13/08/2022 06:56

I think you should grab what you have been offered! It doesn’t sound like your ex is a particularly high higher so I am surprised that SM is even being considered .
My ex earned 5 times my salary when we divorced more than 30 years ago and SM wasn’t awarded.

Original poster
Bee63 · 13/08/2022 07:13

Thank you all for your feedback.
Yes, work is over 30 hours a week but term time only.
I think the FTE salary is about £19k (gross) which I could probably build up to by doing other bits like invigilating etc
Even on the FTE wage, I think I would struggle, particularly with the cost of living crises which doesn't look like easing up any time soon.
I appreciate that I'm generally in a fortunate position but it doesn't seem very fair that I'm expected to deplete my savings up to retirement to meet living expenses whilst he has a nett salary x3 more allowing him to build up his savings further prior to retirement.

OP posts:
YellowPlumbob · 13/08/2022 07:20

£1100 a month income, with no mortgage to pay, for one person, who has 150K in the bank, is more than enough.

Go to court, I highly doubt you’ll get spousal support when he’s only earning 55K and there are no dependents.

The mind boggles.

Cervinia · 13/08/2022 07:22

Then you get a job in the holidays or find one working full time. £500 a month seems generous to make up for the shortfall on any career stagnation you have suffered, but he shouldn’t have to supplement your choice to have 12 weeks holiday a year.

with no mortgage, I doubt you would struggle on 1600 a month plus savings.

DIL is a teacher, she easily picked up hospitality work for the summer holidays to pump up her savings.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 13/08/2022 07:25

Bee63 · 13/08/2022 07:13

Thank you all for your feedback.
Yes, work is over 30 hours a week but term time only.
I think the FTE salary is about £19k (gross) which I could probably build up to by doing other bits like invigilating etc
Even on the FTE wage, I think I would struggle, particularly with the cost of living crises which doesn't look like easing up any time soon.
I appreciate that I'm generally in a fortunate position but it doesn't seem very fair that I'm expected to deplete my savings up to retirement to meet living expenses whilst he has a nett salary x3 more allowing him to build up his savings further prior to retirement.

But he’s no longer responsible for supplementing your earnings now you’re getting divorced.
I understand there’s a possibility that your earning potential has been affected bringing children up but they are grown up so you’ve had plenty of time to address this.

Classicblunder · 13/08/2022 07:27

What shortfall? If you own outright, your wage seems like a reasonable amount to live on

You could pick up a few extra bits of work if you want more disposable income - e.g. babysitting is £10-5 an hour around here and 90% of it is just sitting in someone's house while their kids are asleep.

Presumably your ex is working full time which is why he has more money

SaintHelena · 13/08/2022 07:32

I imagine the OP was wanting informed advice on the situation not repeated opinions - surely one or two of those is enough.
I have no knowledge of up to date spousal divorce payments.

CamillaToe · 13/08/2022 07:35

Bee63 · 13/08/2022 07:13

Thank you all for your feedback.
Yes, work is over 30 hours a week but term time only.
I think the FTE salary is about £19k (gross) which I could probably build up to by doing other bits like invigilating etc
Even on the FTE wage, I think I would struggle, particularly with the cost of living crises which doesn't look like easing up any time soon.
I appreciate that I'm generally in a fortunate position but it doesn't seem very fair that I'm expected to deplete my savings up to retirement to meet living expenses whilst he has a nett salary x3 more allowing him to build up his savings further prior to retirement.

You're responsible for yourself now

Buy a smaller house, get another job

You can't honestly expect your stbxh to work full time and subsidise your lifestyle

CamillaToe · 13/08/2022 07:38

And spousal maintenance is only paid when one spouse can't manage financially without it

Are you really saying you can't manage without it? Or do you mean you would prefer to have it

There's a world of difference between the 2

justusandmoo · 13/08/2022 07:40

I've been through this in recent years (divorced just over 2 years now). If you take this to court you won't get any spousal maintenance at all. Tbh sir solicitor will have told him this yet he is still willing to offer you £500 a month. Take it!

I never really understand it though if I'm honest. You are getting divorced so you are not his responsibility any longer so you should pick some work up in the holidays to keep you going xx

Classicblunder · 13/08/2022 07:42

Another option you could consider is buying a less expensive property and keeping more savings - there is some logic in a smaller home if you're worried about energy bills. Of course you may already be going for a small place

prepared101 · 13/08/2022 07:51

You will spend more on legal fees fighting for more than you would likely receive.

£500 x 36 months is £18k. Would your ex consider giving you an additional £20k from the £150k savings he would receive therefore avoiding spousal support and allowing for a clean break?