Settlement advice

[Bee63]

Hello,
I've completely NC for this as it's my first time posting on the divorce forum.
I'm in the process of divorcing after 20+ years of marriage and trying to get a view on what spousal support I might be entitled to.
STBX earns just over £3,000 pm nett. I earn £1,100 nett but I work school hours only. STBX is 60 and I'm 59. Children are grown up.
There is enough capital to be split between us to allow each of us to buy a suitable home outright with a further £150k each in savings on top.
We've reached an agreement on sharing his pension that I'm happy with (index linked final salary).
Things have been reasonably amicable so far, but we're starting to fall out over spousal support to meet my shortfall in living expenses until retirement.
STBX has offered £500 pm for 2 to 3 years but then expects me to work more hours and/or supplement my shortfall with savings. My solicitor wants to play hardball and push for spousal support through to my retirement.
I've spoken to a number of people and the advice all seems very unclear and inconsistent. We did go to a mediation session some time ago where, to be honest, the mediator seemed to be more on his side.
STBX seems to think that he is being generous in offering any spousal support at all.
I'd be grateful for any advice on what you think would be appropriate?

Taking in a lodger would increase your income .

If he's offering spousal support then I'd take what's offered as that's very generous. No judge is going to tell someone earning 55k to pay spousal support.

Just been divorced for 2 years in June (decree absolute came June 2020). There’s no way you’ll get spousal if you go to court, you’ll get nothing as courts now prefer clean break and will expect you to get a job to support yourself. Not sure why you don’t think this is an option? Why should he support you to retirement?

I'll be going for a 2-bed at around £350k.
It wouldn't really be an option of going too much cheaper than that in our area to get something reasonably pleasant

What overall % split of assets are you getting?
he’s not considered a high earner here….

You're ignoring the safe advice you've received here.

You state in your OP that the mediator appeared to be on his side. Probably because he's offering you more than you would get if it went to a judge.

Unless you're Jerry Hall divorce massively impacts both parties' finances and standard of living. I suspect you're getting more than a 50% split of the equity in your home as well as half the savings and a portion of his pension. Your children are adults now- you need to support yourself.

We're splitting the equity in the FMH and all the savings 50:50.
That should work out at a little over £500k each, hence £350k for a home and £150k savings each.
As far as pensions are concerned, they are the old final salary type and will give us each a pension of over £20k pa index linked (including state pension). I've agreed to him getting a slightly higher pension overall as he had one of his larger pensions from before we met.

I think you need to let this go, be glad of what you're getting and stand on your own two feet, to be honest.

He earns about what I earn. I think you're totally unrealistic expecting him to give you spousal maintenance until you retire.

Or maybe she enjoyed the chance to spend more time with them?

Or maybe she just has a career that pays less ?

There was a bigger differential in salaries between me and my exH, and I'm working full time, and I got spousal maintenance up until retirement (and more of the assets). The length of our marriage and cohabitation before marriage was over 30 years, and there was also a seriously disabled child (adult at the time of divorce) in my situation. And it was about equalising our incomes. This was 6 years ago.

OP I think if he offers £500 a month for a few years, you should take that.

I'm astonished that he's offered any SM based on his salary.

I'd grab what he's offering and run. It's very unusual to receive any SM at a salary under £80k in England.

Lawyer here 🙋🏻‍♀️ His offer is reasonable. You have savings to meet your needs and a pension more than many in a few years. You could rehouse cheaper, if you don't want to that's your choice but it isn't fair to expect him to fund that. If he's offering you some maintenance for a couple of years I would take that. He is not a high earner and you run the risk if you go to court a judge could say he doesn't have to pay you anything at all let alone for more years than his offer. How much is that going to cost you in legal fees?

Why is it his problem that you have a lower paying job than him?

Because she took the hit on her career to raise his kids.

I agree with this up to a point but she is getting other compensation for this: half the house, pension, savings.

For the time from now till retirement, they are making different choices - he is planning to work full time to build up more savings, she is planning to work part time, those choices have consequences

(As an aside, this may have been her pre children career and not a "sacrifice" or "career hit" anyway)

@Classicblunder
To raise their kids, which I assume she wanted too. Doesn't say how many they have or whether she was a stay at home mum in the post. I think especially nowadays being a stay at home parent is a luxury rather than a sacrifice to be honest!

And like previous poster has said we don't know if this was her chosen career path before children anyway

The likelihood of getting spousal support is slim.
Especially given the amount from the house sale and the pensions.

I personally think that he is doing you a favour by offering you what he has.

But there are things missing form the OP.
What do you mean by 20+years? that could be anything up to 40 yrs give or take.
How long have the children been out of the family home?
Each one of these questions leads to more.
Of which each would have an effect on the outcome.

If I were you I'd see if he would agree to the £500 for 5 years, he might be open to that to just end it. Or add the £30,000 as a higher equity payout, with no spousal - which is better for you as its a clean break. I do agree there should be a better equality of outcome and living standards here given you are close to retirement. But don't spend money with lawyers playing 'hard ball' the only people who will win there are the lawyers.

Then ditch the term time job asap and try to find something year round, even if 4 days a week if that would be easier for you to manage. Term time jobs are great if you have school kids, not so great if you need to live on it. Could you find something at a university instead, those jobs are year round but still in education.

Its a luxury for both parents, so the both long and short term financial implications should be shared.