Any advice to prevent H from constantly delaying divorce proceedings

[doddlitis]

Hi all, I'm a regular but name changed for this.

H agreed to divorce and not to contest the matter given his unreasonable behaviour. I filed for divorce in Autumn and although he didn't accept the reasons I cited (but then that's all part of the unreasonable behaviour, disagreeing with anything and everything) he eventually appointed a solicitor but not until after we had to pay to have the divorce papers formally served on him because he wouldn't respond to the documents sent in the post.

He then refused to go through mediation which would have potentially saved us £,£££'s. I'm not expecting a substantially bigger share of our joint assets in comparison to him, I don't expect things will fluctuate much from 50/50 but he believes he will be "ripped off" and end up much worse off as a result of the divorce. Mediation could have helped us sort that out if he would just have attended in a "reasonable" frame of mind. Following that he stopped communicating with his solicitor so they eventually stopped acting for him as he wouldn't put together any of the information requested or even return their calls. All of this mean't that we were delayed in moving on to the next stage of things.

We finally get a FDA date and he eventually appointed a new solicitor at the eleventh hour (but who is now struggling to maintain contact with him) and although the FDA was postponed a revised deadline was set for exchanging form E to give him additional time as he had done nothing.

I spent a lot of time doing my form E, guided by my solicitor, it is comprehensive and honest. I also did all sorts of additional stuff that the solicitor requested such as a projected income and expenditure for myself and the teenagers going forward, research for details of alternative housing options etc.

Today I have received a copy of his form E which contains values he wishes are true in respect of property (not backed up by a valuer's report of any sort), lies about his health and inability to work (which funnily enough started at the same time as the divorce proceedings) and lots of speculation about my finances/my future financial position. Any box which should have a pension valuation in respect of his pensions is left blank. I know for a fact that he has received ALL of his pension valuations but he's stating these will follow when he receives them which just allows him to delay, delay and delay as far as I can see.

So basically he now knows everything about my pensions, bank accounts, projected living costs post divorce etc and has effectively avoided providing anything meaningful in exchange. How is this legal ? Is there anything that can be done to make him comply properly ? My solicitor already had to attach a penal notice (I think) to the second request for him to produce a form E but in all honesty he hasn't complied anyway because it's just a pile of misinformation/omissions and speculations about my finances when it should be all about him and his. It's just another delaying tactic as far as I can see and one that he's getting away with.

All the time this is going on, he's effectively not paying any child maintenance because he refuses to get a job and isn't eligible for any benefits so contributes nothing, just lives off me/our savings via use of the current account and sharing the marital home with me and the teenage children. He's also racking up legal fees for both of us unecessarily, having to physcally serve divorce papers on him, the ignored mediation, the first solicitor, all wasted money coming out of our joint account. Is there any way he can be made to take the brunt of these costs, only necessary due to his defiance of the whole process, when it comes to finally splitting our assets between us ?

My solicitor seems in no hurry and just issues soothing words, but then the longer this goes on, the more the solicitors make out of us....

He's pissing away his remaining working years (we're middle aged) and stealing yet more years of my life and I'm beyond pissed off given the rubbish contained in his form E.

I have no real advice but in my divorce I was thinking of delaying it to try and get a better deal but in the end I got on board with my soon to be ex wife and just got on with it and

This made it considerably cheaper and easier for us both

Think it helps we are still friends though

I think you need to convince him it's in his intrest to just get on with it and it will be cheaper and easier on him

He can then move on with his life

been through similar recently with my DP but ultimately if he delays in every way possible the courts will compel him to provide information and this includes a custodial sentence (very unlikely) and then with the evidence you have you can tell him your going for costs. Problem is it just all takes a very long time but the judges do take a very dim view of people who clog up the court system using delay tactics. My DP's ex relented at the last min to settle out of court after us saying we would go for costs and how much they stood to loose but even then once a sealed order was made the ex refused to play ball so we had to threaten going back to court to enforce it (with costs). Ultimately you just have to wait for the court process to play out which takes well over a year when someone wont engage. No advice really but good look as it can be so stressful :-(

We're thinking of using a collaborative approach where we each have our own solicitor in the room rather than standard mediation where there is only one mediator. It's more expensive but a lot cheaper than the court option. I didn't feel comfortable using standard mediation because mediators are not always lawyers and I've heard isolated examples where they've been counter productive.

OP, I could have written this myself.
I feel your pain. 💐
So frustrated at all the delays and obfuscation. I sometimes wonder whether he somehow imagines it will all go away if he just ignores it.
Mine is also obsessed with the idea of being ripped off somehow, despite the fact, that aside from our house, he has sweet FA.
I'm watching this thread with interest.

I'd love to use a collborative approach but that would require both of us to act like adults instead of 1 adult and 1 petulant teenager with a persecution complex.

What. A. Dick.

Hope that helps
No practical advice sorry.

You would have utterly wasted time and money doing mediation with him.

as for now - if he doesn’t have medical reports, show pensions and decides for himself to inflate the valuation report - then objectively easy to prove his is mis presenting third party reports and not providing his pension statement?

Yes indeed as he seems incapable of being grown-up about all of this.

Unfortunately courts require you to try mediation first, even if 1 party does not attend so I had to book and go through with the appointment anyway, just so that we had ticked that box and could move on to the next stage.

No you do not

However if goes to court, then yes you do need to

What is your solicitors view?

@Ohthatsexciting

Solicitor suggests allowing extensions of time for H to do what is being asked of him. He doesn't need more time, he has the information (or it's available with a little bit of internet research), he just needs to be forced to fully declare the information required.

His form E is a joke, it isn't complying with doing a form E at all and my solicitor doesn't seem bothered at all. How H's solicitor had the nerve to call it completed and forward it is beyond me. although he is lying to his solicitor about basic information.

There's decent asset levels involved so I'm suspicious that neither solicitor will try and speed things up as the longer it goes on the more they'll get to charge us.

If H had to pay all legal costs (mine and his) out of his ultimate share of our assets once they are split, he wouldn't be dicking around like this but I can't get a clear answer from the solicitor as to whether this is possible and if so how/when it can be applied for/how likely it is that I'd be successful in getting this agreed/enforced.

If you suspect your solicitor is trying to delay to get more money from you and delay - you have selected the wrong solicitor

mine was utterly brilliant and secured me a settlement that I was very satisfied with

If you work you will never ever secure your husband paying all legal costs

i did, because at the time I was a sahm

My dp has same issues with his ex wife she is on her 4th firm of solicitors in 2.5 year 3.5 years after they initially filed for divorce. She barely last time provided 12 months of one bank account, an incomplete contradictory form e with details from 3 years ago. She has pulled every trick going to delay and drag matters on. The first court hearing was adjourned as she changed solicitors, the second because she had mental health issues and the 3rd most recently because of illness of the judge so we now await a 4th date for an fda but looking likely to be the end of the year. Nothing seems to focus her mind even going for costs against her. It’s mentally draining and taxing on all of us. We had to stop solicitors acting as we just couldn’t afford the constant back and forth asking for basic documents. It just comes back she’s compiling them but after all these years you’d think she would have managed it. There’s always a new bombshell in the days imminently before a court date. Hoping for clarity at the next court date and some sort of punishment if she doesn’t comply but it doesn’t seem to be the case. I don’t have any advice but it is very common it seems.

You need a SHL (shit hot lawyer) to deal with people like this. Someone who drives the court process and stays on top of it. You absolutely can apply for a costs order - you may well not get it but the point is to get on with things and focus his mind. I used to work with a mediator and she would advise court if significant progress wasn’t made by the end of the second joint meeting. Her take was mediation is great but it works best when you’re prepared to use the force of court if necessary.

The other option is arbitration - effectively someone looks at everything you have and makes the decision for you. Usually cheaper than court but requires both parties to engage to be effective so not appropriate in your case.

This is true. This is why I waited for a year for my ex-wife to get a job before I initiated our divorce.

I completely understand mine was delayed for over 3 years not counting the years I spent begging him to let’s sort it out .
legal fees are expensive
you’ll easily spend over 70000
but I got what I wanted which every one said was impossible used 3 barristers they cost a bomb .
this was due to his none attendance or stupidity on the day we went to court on 4 occasions .
during Covid so held online.
he knows what his doing
the judge will see this

It’s not likely he will be made to pay your cost.

@doddlitis
How about closing the joint bank account. The bank will want his agreement but if he refused then over draw it to the limit so he can't take any more out. Stop your income going in as well.

What are you looking at doing with the house? Is he looking at any equity? Worst case scenario tell him you will move out and stop paying all the bills. Risky due to credit ratings but will start bringing some reality to the situation.

You haven’t divorced have you?

Ignore this advice Op
Flawed and reckless on pretty much every count and it will reflect very badly on you in the eyes of the courts

@Ohthatsexciting There is no law that she has to keep sharing her earnings, not until a court make an order.
This happens routinely, usually at the expense of women but not so in this case.
I suspect the bills going out will soon take it to the limit but the bank may remove the overdraft at a singular request if you try and explain the situation and that your income won't be going in any more.

My friend did this with her waster ex and wasn't an issue at all.

Tricky one. Agree with earlier post you need SHL ideally one who you can go to court if needed. It needs to be communicated that it’s in his best interests exdh to sort this out. Get the house on the market and refuse to exchange unless you have a financial agreement (communicated when you are close to exchange) if everything else has failed. Prior to this surely job to SHL to get a properly completed form E. sounds like he’s hiding his pension ..

Have you heard of intentional disposal of assets?

the op has to be very careful re finances

and what you are suggesting - will be looked at very negatively in the courts

I had to threaten contempt of court to mine!

Are you a judge?!