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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Any advice to prevent H from constantly delaying divorce proceedings

81 replies

doddlitis · 11/07/2022 15:51

Hi all, I'm a regular but name changed for this.

H agreed to divorce and not to contest the matter given his unreasonable behaviour. I filed for divorce in Autumn and although he didn't accept the reasons I cited (but then that's all part of the unreasonable behaviour, disagreeing with anything and everything) he eventually appointed a solicitor but not until after we had to pay to have the divorce papers formally served on him because he wouldn't respond to the documents sent in the post.

He then refused to go through mediation which would have potentially saved us £,£££'s. I'm not expecting a substantially bigger share of our joint assets in comparison to him, I don't expect things will fluctuate much from 50/50 but he believes he will be "ripped off" and end up much worse off as a result of the divorce. Mediation could have helped us sort that out if he would just have attended in a "reasonable" frame of mind. Following that he stopped communicating with his solicitor so they eventually stopped acting for him as he wouldn't put together any of the information requested or even return their calls. All of this mean't that we were delayed in moving on to the next stage of things.

We finally get a FDA date and he eventually appointed a new solicitor at the eleventh hour (but who is now struggling to maintain contact with him) and although the FDA was postponed a revised deadline was set for exchanging form E to give him additional time as he had done nothing.

I spent a lot of time doing my form E, guided by my solicitor, it is comprehensive and honest. I also did all sorts of additional stuff that the solicitor requested such as a projected income and expenditure for myself and the teenagers going forward, research for details of alternative housing options etc.

Today I have received a copy of his form E which contains values he wishes are true in respect of property (not backed up by a valuer's report of any sort), lies about his health and inability to work (which funnily enough started at the same time as the divorce proceedings) and lots of speculation about my finances/my future financial position. Any box which should have a pension valuation in respect of his pensions is left blank. I know for a fact that he has received ALL of his pension valuations but he's stating these will follow when he receives them which just allows him to delay, delay and delay as far as I can see.

So basically he now knows everything about my pensions, bank accounts, projected living costs post divorce etc and has effectively avoided providing anything meaningful in exchange. How is this legal ? Is there anything that can be done to make him comply properly ? My solicitor already had to attach a penal notice (I think) to the second request for him to produce a form E but in all honesty he hasn't complied anyway because it's just a pile of misinformation/omissions and speculations about my finances when it should be all about him and his. It's just another delaying tactic as far as I can see and one that he's getting away with.

All the time this is going on, he's effectively not paying any child maintenance because he refuses to get a job and isn't eligible for any benefits so contributes nothing, just lives off me/our savings via use of the current account and sharing the marital home with me and the teenage children. He's also racking up legal fees for both of us unecessarily, having to physcally serve divorce papers on him, the ignored mediation, the first solicitor, all wasted money coming out of our joint account. Is there any way he can be made to take the brunt of these costs, only necessary due to his defiance of the whole process, when it comes to finally splitting our assets between us ?

My solicitor seems in no hurry and just issues soothing words, but then the longer this goes on, the more the solicitors make out of us....

He's pissing away his remaining working years (we're middle aged) and stealing yet more years of my life and I'm beyond pissed off given the rubbish contained in his form E.

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 20/04/2023 08:35

What are your DHs motives for delaying? Why won’t he progress? Is it because he’s lost control and this is his way of keeping it? Is it because he wants to keep all the money? Have you proposed a settlement he disagrees with?

The first year or so after a split, especially if you still have the same roof over your head, is 100% irrational emotional turmoil. Trying to make long term, sensible, fair and grown up plans at this stage is therefore really really difficult.

What do you need right now vs what can wait? It was a lightbulb moment for me when I realised divorce and actually splitting the pensions could wait but selling the house and a basic financial agreement just had to happen so I focussed on that. Can you afford to move out, even if it’s somewhere grotty and temporary, given you seem to be earning?

katmarie · 20/04/2023 09:19

EuphemiaEmmet · 20/04/2023 07:57

Just picking up this thread. Stbx petitioned divorce but is now stonewalling. Won't communicate with solicitors or me. My solicitor bill is getting high! Can I pay for my costs etc out of settlement? Joint owned house and he has generous pensions.

You need to start your own thread if you want to get help with this. The op was almost a year ago, I sincerely hope things have moved along a good bit for her now.

Mumof3confused · 20/04/2023 09:58

@EuphemiaEmmet There ain’t much any solicitor can do if he isn’t engaging. I spent £10k just trying to get a response, a total waste of time and money. Dis-instruct your solicitor and issue proceedings, then he can’t ignore you because the court will stipulate the dates and times, and he will be in contempt of court if he doesn’t comply. It’s relatively easy to manage most of it yourself (and you can have your solicitors advise you in the background if needs be) until the second hearing, then you can re-instruct them or just get a direct-access barrister.

You need a pensions expert report.

stillherenow · 20/04/2023 17:46

Totally agree with @Mumof3confusedI was in this position and changed solicitors to one who just got on with it and we did have to threaten contempt of court. I’d still be married now otherwise ! I did most of it but solicitor came to court hearings and - crucially - negotiated with ex at court.

Vie8126 · 21/04/2023 13:45

I posted on the original thread as my dps exw was delaying she even managed in the court process tbf. We’re now 6 weeks away from a final hearing it’s taken years. Just apply to court you don’t need solicitors my dp has managed it himself after having a rather large bill on all the back and forth an and just used barristers for court. Although even that could have been saved we just wanted the extra help! Apply to court - it will still take a while but the judge can deal with it. Something absolutely bugger all focuses the mind of someone intend on dragging matters out.

OchrePoet · 13/03/2024 08:41

@doddlitis Your situation last year sounds very similar to mine in terms of behaviour of Ex. I'm sorry it was (perhaps still is) so difficult. My situation is slightly different in that there is one 12 year old daughter who has a 'live with' order with me and only indirect contact with her dad. It was an abusive relationship and I left in an emergency with him staying in the family home and me now in rented. Are you able to offer any advice / tips through what happened?

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