Hi All
I am looking for some thoughts on this matter, abd I appreciate this may divide opinions, but I am genuinely keen to learn from men and women on their thoughts.
my husbands ex wife is pregnant (this is a very surprise situation), my husband and his EW have 3 amazing children together, none of which are to be honest thrilled about a new baby in their lives, which I get at their ages (they are teenagers).
the legal agreement that my husband has with his ex is that he continues to pay the mortgage on their house until their youngest reaches 18, he also obviously pays CM. We are really involved in the 3 Childrens lives, see them regularly, have daily contact, they are great children etc.. you get the picture. So life was pretty settled, until this bombshell was announced.
on legal advice their agreement is that whilst my husband owns the house and pays the mortgage nobody else can live in the property. This was advised because the mortgage company would not permit another adult living there without more legal costs, deeds if trusts etc. My understanding is that everyone thought this was fair as my husband was paying the mortgage. EW has always been allowed partners to stay, which they have and nobody has says anything - I say this as this was not done as a controlling thing, purely practical from a legal perspective. Obviously, my husbands ex wife is now considering, understandably, moving her new partner in, and we just have a rollercoaster of emotions of what is best to do, first for the children but also financially- because let’s face it his has an impact on the children! My husband has mixed feelings about this. He is happy for her to move on, but feels he shouldn’t be paying an entire mortgage for another guys child and her new guy? When he thinks he gets his head around this, he worries that the house is not big enough anyway, and definitely at least one of his children will have to share a room (2 already do) and none of them are thrilled by this (they are all teenagers, doing exams etc ). However, if he sticks to the legal agreement and ‘allows’ her new partner to move in, this undermines the legal agreement and leaves him vulnerable legally.
Wortg noting my husband will be in for capital gains tax when they do sell, as he has not lived at the property for several years!
EW response is that if my husband ‘forces the sale of the property’ (which I feel is a little unfair as he has totally done all he could, and more and force is not the right word, as this was an agreement she was happy with for several years) then she will have to move far away with all the children to afford a new place.
worth noting that my husband does not contribute towards my house which he lives in, as he cannot afford to whilst paying the mortgage on his former home. We are fine with this, as it feels the right thing to do even though legally he was advised he did not have to when they separated. But we get by, it felt right, we don’t have much left over every month (if anything!) and so it feels if I am honest a little unfair that we are subsidising a new baby and her partner that are not part of this ‘blended family unit’- new partner appears to have no property. I’m trying to judge, but I also understand he has a few (we believe 3 or 4?) children from previous relationship(s) that he sees only ad-hoc.
long post- apologies but I want to give a balanced perspective.
what are peoples views, should my husband stick with the legal advice triggering rather than forcing the sale of the property (If they admit to moving in together?) based on the fact this protects his position, and the house is not suitable for their needs? Or is there another solution that could protect financial interests but let them live in the property (although we know the children are not keen on this anyway!).
Tge property is my husbands, although he has agreed to 50% going to his ex on sale (they were not actually married so he was advised he did not have to offer 50%, but felt that he wanted to as he wanted her to be ultimately rehoused somewhere where his children would still be able to live or visit even as adults - as who can afford a house or to move out at 18 anyway!
I know I shouldn’t feel like this, as everyone has a right to their life, but I feel so sorry for my husband as he’s a good man, he’s always wanted to do the right thing by everyone. We have made huge sacrifices in our relationship too, including not having a family of our own for financial reasons to allow his children and their Mum to live conformably… and all was so well…it feels incredibly selfish of his ex to have a baby (and I know I sound selfish saying that too!) but it has affected so many lives, mainly the children, who I adore and I really am worried seeing them like this and just unsure of what their new family life will be like.
Finally to add, we are happy to offer the children a home with us. But are not going down this route as that feels a little like emotional blackmail too, although I feel this is what she is doing by suggesting she may move away. My husband and I have both agreed that this not the time to enter this into the discussion, as it will just sound like a counter threat (even though it is not!) and we are keen to resolve amicably and practically. Thanks for reading!