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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

100% of my pension??

39 replies

AuntMarysPinny · 19/06/2022 22:16

Me and my ex husband have so far amicably agreed on how we're going to split time with our children, our possessions and our finances. We were originally going to sell the family home and split the £200k equity: £130k to me and £70k to him. He earns 4x what I do so that seemed fair and we could both find a home in the area we currently live in. But the property prices have gone mad! I don't think I will be able to get a mortgage especially as I will have to declare 2 children as dependants.

So my ex has proposed that I give him all of my pension pot of £70k so he can buy a new place and he will sign over the family home to me. He thinks this is a great solution so we can start living apart and start new lives. But I feel very nervous about handing over all of my pension. It's from the job I had pre-kids in the civil service under the old final pension salary scheme (which is now closed). The work pension I pay into now isn't as generous. My ex seems to think that paying down the mortgage on the house would effectively be as good as the pension in the future but I'm not sure. It's not certain that house prices will always rise, is it? Wish I had a crystal ball!

Has anyone else been in this situation? Do you regret sacrificing your pension or was it worth it? I don't know what to do and this is threatening our amicable separation as, understandably, we are frustrated at being stuck together in the family home. Please help!

OP posts:
Sharming · 19/06/2022 22:19

I wouldn't do it.

Why can't you buy a house with £130k as a deposit?

Also - do you want to sell your family home? Could he not buy you out?

catmg · 19/06/2022 22:20

What is your pension worth per year when you retire? If its final salary you should have this info. And bear in mind it is paid no matter how long you live so could be very valuable!

Remainiac · 19/06/2022 22:21

Hard no to that. Get proper advice.

Waterlemon · 19/06/2022 22:25

No way! That does not sound fair at all! How will you be able to afford to live in your older years! Meanwhile he is on a salary 4x yours so can save plenty away for his retirement, plus live off 2 pensions! (His and yours)

Surely you should be getting a share of his pension instead seeing as you were the one whose career was sidelined to raise your family,

but I know nothing about these things, it all just sounds very unbalanced

millymollymoomoo · 19/06/2022 22:26

Well if you have lucrative final
salary pension scheme and he does not then you may not be due 130/70k split in house in your favour….

have you had pensions valued?

BungleandGeorge · 19/06/2022 22:35

Can you actually withdraw the money from a civil service pension? And if you can is there a large fee for doing so?

GingerFigs · 19/06/2022 22:38

Seek professional advice. Do not give up your pension without understanding the implications in full.

I think before you agree any finances you need to properly understand and be comfortable. He out-earns you hugely. Did you put your career on hold to be the main career for the children or has it had no impact. Does he have any pension? There is a chance he could claim some of yours if you've had a 'long' marriage.

How will childcare be split? 50/50? You both need to be able to house your children and if you have them more than 50% of the time then child maintenance is due.

Apologies if you know all that!! In answer to your pension question - no!!!

Sanfranciscobabe · 19/06/2022 22:44

What other assets are there to consider? How much is his pension worth?

Discovereads · 19/06/2022 22:51

Somethings not right here. Where is his pension and/or investments in all of this? There has to be more marital assets than house + your pension?

If there truly isn’t, then no don’t sign over your £70k pension. £130k is plenty for a deposit on a new home. If he’s so eager for you to stay in the family home, why can’t he defer getting his share of the equity until after the youngest DC turned 18? You don’t have to sell the home now. You can put in the divorce decree that you stay in the family home until the DCs are adults and then you sell and divide the equity by agreed on % shares.

OrangeDuck · 19/06/2022 22:56

Could you not give him £70k from remortgaging the property rather than take this out your pension? If he's happy with 70k for a new property and you can keep the house, could you use some of the equity in the property to give him the 70k and not touch your pension? As others have said I wouldn't wipe out your pension.

Tothepoint99 · 19/06/2022 22:57

Absolutely no bloody way.

He knows what the pension is worth and despite it all being amicable until now, money can be a nasty one to sort.

What he's essentially saying is that you will HAVE to sell the house to get your pension, buy an annuity and live off that but how much will you get from the house when the time comes and what rate annuity will you get?? No one knows. At least your pensions (your first one at least) will have a defined benefit and guarantee you an income.

StaplesCorner · 19/06/2022 23:34

I had advice from the Pensions Advice Service on a civil service pension; you need to be extremely careful. I'd try their website and live chat, I was offered a divorce appointment to talk through the pension issues but you will need further help after that, get it valued: www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/divorce-and-separation

SeccyBecky · 21/06/2022 15:23

As everyone here is saying OP you must get proper advice on this, not just from a solicitor but from a pension actuary, a lot of people seem to use the CETV but the actual value can be much higher (or lower!) bear in mind though their is something called a “utility discount” in pension offsetting this is to do with one party having the “cash” now and the other having to wait for the pension. So when I got some of XH pension although my share was valued at £100k because of the offset they only gave me £65k equity in the house for it.

please get proper advice

Original poster
AuntMarysPinny · 22/06/2022 13:27

Thank you ladies for giving me the reality check I needed! You're all right that I would need further advice and from a quick look it turns out pension actuaries don't come cheap. I guess I was hoping that this could be a deceptively straightforward solution as me and my ex are straining our amicable arrangement the longer we stay living together. He really doesn't want to rent (resents paying someone else's mortgage) but as he earns a lot more than me that's probably best for now until I'm in a position to remortgage the family home or get a mortgage on a new place. Ugh, not looking forward to having yet another difficult conversation about money. I'm clinging to the hope this will all be worth it in the future. Thanks again for all of your help!

OP posts:
Original poster
AuntMarysPinny · 22/06/2022 13:30

Oh and as some have guessed, yes I did take time out of my career to stay at home and look after the kids and I'm still the person who does 99% for them and around the house. The first time my ex looked after the kids by himself was after we split up! He's a workaholic and knows it so he's agreed to split the marital assets in my favour, it's just working out the best way to do it.

OP posts:
BouncyBalls · 22/06/2022 14:06

See an independent mortgage advisor to chevk out your options. I would imagine with a £130k deposit, youll be fine to get a mortgage despite the children as dependents?

SeccyBecky · 22/06/2022 23:14

yes the actuary isn’t cheap but you should only have to pay half at most as it’s done on behalf of you both but it REALLY is worth it you could end up xxx £’s better off in negotiation

OverTheRubicon · 22/06/2022 23:24

Agree you need to see a professional..
Also, have you agreed the details for the children? Finances first could leave you in a real bind, and also potentially start the discussion on residency off on an adversarial and financially focussed angle, which is a real shame for your kids.

If he's earning 4 X what you do, you took a step back based on a family decision and if he is likely to continue to leave a lot to you, then a split like you're proposing doesn't seem right.
He'll quickly earn back the difference, and then continue to accelerate off while you're stuck for summer childcare. He also doesn't seem to reference his pension?

A solicitor and pensions actuary will be expensive, but in your case pretty much guarantee to pay for themselves.

SKATEB0red · 24/06/2022 05:17

Pensions are worth a lot, because they grow over time
Definitely get advice
Take less money on the property & keep your pension
FYI it is no longer compulsory to buy an annuity when you access your pension

Blueskythinking123 · 24/06/2022 05:46

How much is his pension worth?

Remember when splitting assets both should be taken into consideration. I got a 70/30 split, this included equity in house and some of my ex pension.

Wallywobbles · 24/06/2022 05:59

What's he proposing in terms of childcare. I'm guessing not 50/50 so it's going to be a continuing cost for you.

And you don't have to see just one lawyer. The forth one of mine was great. All lawyers are not made equal.

Hadalifeonce · 24/06/2022 06:02

If it's a final salary pension, I don't think you need to buy an annuity. The pension scheme the money is in will pay the pension, which will probably be indexed linked, so should increase year on year. Do not give this away without speaking to an IFA about all your finances.

SeccyBecky · 24/06/2022 13:26

Yes sorry, you only need an actuary if it is a final salary (also called defined benefits or DB pension) if you have a money purchase/defined contributions (DC) pension then it’s just worth the money that’s in it. The actuary is needed in a DB pension to calculate its real value if you had to go out to the market and buy an annuity to give you the same income.

SkeletonFight · 29/06/2022 01:23

Your form E has this detail - your pension sitting alongside his , your joint savings and the house. It could be that HE has to give you some of his pension as well as a good chunk of the house. There are 2 types of actuarial report - a basic and a more detailed. TBH you need to do this and they will advise on an equality of income etc for you. They usually say NOT to trade pension for equity in a house.

caringcarer · 29/06/2022 01:39

What does your solicitor say? If you are having kids live be with you most of the and just seeing Dad every other weekend and 1 night in week you would be awarded 65-70 percent of equity in house and 50:50 joint pension share. That is what I was awarded. I did not claim spousal maintenance but did claim for 2 kids. Don't agree to less. Don't let him talk you into doing it between yourselves as the Mum always seems to come out worst off. Don't give up your pension. How do you know it is worth £70k? That would be low for scheme you mention.